Wait, what??? SS20 moves out
Im not really sure what is going on in my own house.
After a week of FDH and I making up and being nice, we had a fight over finances. This started because I got the electricity bill and have no way to pay it. (See my blog... I ran through all my savings paying for all the bills.). It was a pretty bad fight and he basically told me he can't afford to pay his half of the bills. I told him neither could I! Here is where I made a mistake: I talked to some people at work for their opinion on if I am being too bitchy expecting SS20 to chip in or at least do some house work. I told FDH that I got some advice that he is taking advantage of me and it wasn't fair to expect not to ask his kids to do anything. More than anything, the fight was over him not owning up to his share of the bills.
This fight happened when I was home for lunch from work.
When I got home, SS20 was moving his shit out. (He is getting married in two weeks and had his place already lined up.) I asked FDH what was going on and he said he asked SS20 to leave early. ??? WTF???
My FDH wanted nothing to do with me. He said he wanted to be left alone. I asked him why he had made it about his son moving out... He was only going to be here for a few more weeks. Well, this is where I look like the bad guy. Apparently, this is what I wanted so now I have to shut up about it.
FDH: I can't believe you made this happen right before the wedding and SS20's birthday.
Me: *boggles* what? Our fight was about you not meeting financial obligations, not your son moving out.
Him: Whatever.
Me: *more boggling*
I assumed that this was the end for us. FDH didn't speak to me all night. Why else would he kick his son out if he wasn't planning to leave himself? I finally asked him when he was planning on moving out. He looked at me, blinked a few times, and said, "I'm not going anywhere."
WTF?
He wouldn't talk all night, and frankly, I just left it alone. SS12 is excited about his new room (they were sharing), and we talked about rearranging it today. FDH has been polite, but it seems like we are just roommates.
I don't even know what is happening in my own house.
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Comments
He is passively aggressively
He is passively aggressively manipulating you, that is what is happening. He can sulk and pout and he can say "FDH: I can't believe you made this happen right before the wedding and SS20's birthday." to guilt you because it is ALL YOUR FAULT that poor SS20 had to move out, and I bet darling is sleeping in a car.
Do not fall for it. Your boyfriend is going to continue until he gets what he wants - you to apologize for "making things bad" because you dare expect him to pay his half. And REALLY? He had two kids (one an adult) living there, he should have been paying 2/3 of the utilities and groceries if not more like 3/4.
It sounds like he will throw his little tantrum until he gets his way, which will be you paying for everything and him using his money for what he wants when he wants.
It is not worth it. He is a grown man with a SS20 and SS12, he needs to be the one paying their way along in his house, not you, and he needs to man up and pay his own way too.
Stick it out, do NOT cave to his passive aggressive behavior. I would tell him that he can pout and sulk all he wants and play his little games, but it will not make you pay his way so me might as well buck up and pay his half and his kids.
I read this and then read
I read this and then read some of your other post to catch up on what was going on. On one of them you made a statement that I can so relate to. You asked what happened to the man I married...I married a guy twice, it was like every time we broke up and before we were dating he was one guy then after we married or got back together he changed. He even knew he did this but didn't really have an answer for it. It took me a long to realize that I was in love with someone that I thought he could be/wanted him to be/was every once in a while so I left him for good. It was a good feeling when I finally realized that he was NOT the person that he showed every once in a while, he was REALLY the person he was when married. Sometimes you have to realize that no matter how much you love someone you are not good with them and you have to leave.
He gives me money directly to
He gives me money directly to pay the bills.
Update: FDH isn't angry at all today. He simply said it was SS20's time to move on. He actually gave him a lecture before he moved out about how disrespectful he had been living here and not doing anything. SS20 made the statement that he felt like no matter what he did it wasn't good enough. FDH said, "What? You want a cookie every time you clean up your crap? That is the only thing we asked of you."
SS20 actually responded, "Well, I work better with praise." OMG LOL.
On the plus side, FDH gave me $600 dollars today for bills and SS12 loves his new room. SS12, BS11, and I all made a day of painting and rearranging his furniture. He actually has a room instead of wading through SS20's crap to get to his bed.