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So very PROUD of FH today!

RustyHalo's picture

We went to SD10's soccer game and after the game BM came up to him and told him she needed his half of the money for SD10's soccer. FH was prepared for this even though he told her that he would agree to pay for BOTH girls to play softball ($140.00) IF she paid for SD10's soccer ($60). This conversation happened last fall.

Well, I guess BM figured if she put FH on the spot like she did last year at soccer, he would just pay up. We showed up for SD10's first game last year and the COACH came over to FH and asked him for the money. FH pulled out his wallet and paid for it and then told BM that he expected her to give him half as soon as she got the money. Well, of course she never did and it was never brought up again.

So, this morning when she came over and asked for his half of the soccer money. FH pulled his wallet out and then asked her if she had HER half of the softball money. She said how much is that? He said $70 and she said well, I don't have it, so FH told her to go ahead and pay the whole $60. She said I only have $30 and FH told her to figure it out. And then he grabbed my hand and said "come on, let's go say goodbye to the girls."

You should have seen her face! Thankfully the skids were at the concession stand and weren't around to hear this exchange. We said goodbye to the skids and walked out hand in hand. I was practically skipping!!!!!

What a great day for FH and me. And honestly, it's a good day for BM too. Now she knows what to expect from now on. My FH used to give into her all the time "for the skids", and now he is making BM be responsible and accountable. That's good news for everybody.

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belleboudeuse's picture

That is FANTASTIC!!!!!

Like I said to Middlemom a couple of days ago, it's such an amazing transformation when a DH/BF finally realizes that if he puts down boundaries and sticks to them, everything gets soooooo much simpler! It's such a great thing, isn't it, to see your man start to feel empowered as he finally "gets it!" Once he starts getting results, he won't go back.

Congrats!!!!

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

RustyHalo's picture

I know, right? And I truly believe that we will be doing BM a FAVOR by forcing her to be more responsible. I would think that she should feel more empowered by accomplishing any small task on her own with NO help from anyone. I mean, she's 35 and has never accomplished anything without the help of others. I would continue to feel "helpless" if that were me. I'm SO proud of my independence and I hope the BM gets there too - which will be a better role model for her girls.

And plus, (here comes the petty part!). It gives me NO END of joyful feelings that she knows that FH has finally changed and that he has done it for ME! AHHHHHHHHHHH....satisfaction, feels good.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

belleboudeuse's picture

I can completely identify! Unfortunately, in our situation, BM did not really become more independent -- she just has other people do the stuff DH used to do for her. Her next door neighbor shovels her walk, another neighbor walks her dog, she gets her groceries delivered by a service, she had her mom move in with her so she would have someone to clean her house for her... Honestly, I can't imagine how she doesn't feel completely humiliated to be allowing other people do this stuff for her. But hey, at least she knows that she can't count on DH to be her servant anymore. I agree, I'm very proud of my independence (whereas BM spends tons of time whinging about how she's a poor, poor "single mom", she gets more help from people than anyone I know.

As for DH, once he started putting his foot down, he never looked back. He is soooo happy to be free of that b.s.!!!

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Milomom's picture

CLAPPING!! Soooo happy for you, Rustyhalo! Don't know the background of how long he had been what I call "doormat status", but PROGRESS is so great!! I can picture you skipping and even kicking your feet in the air together (to the side, like on TV cartoons) when you walked back to the car with FH!! One small step for your FH, one GIANT LEAP for us, future & present SMs!! Turtle speed, baby steps..... Congrats!

You know what makes me laugh...it's not the money, it's the PRINCIPLE of it all. These BM's have such double standards - they just see their kids as ATM cards and their Dads as the ATM machine. They do nothing but EXPECT to be handed money - and have little to no appreciation for the good Dads that they have for their kids. If they only knew what it was like to truly be "on their own" with the kids...maybe they'd appreciate what they have.

RustyHalo's picture

It's been a long and difficult struggle. FH is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice to everyone. And he gets taken advantage of a lot of the times. BM knows this better than anyone. Well, I LOVE my FH enough to have his back on this one. FH and BM had some really bad habits, and they need to be broken, but it takes time, baby steps like you said.

No more ATM machine around here!!!!!!!!!!!

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

RustyHalo's picture

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Picture me standing up and taking a bow, while blowing kisses for my victory!

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**