I know I said I was leaving, but....
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out in frustration, pain, and helplessness. I don't know what to do anymore. Tonight, DH and I caught SD15 sneaking her bf into her room. That boy had the nerve to come in our basement door at 10:30 at night, while we were still awake (I was in my BKs room right next to SDs room with the door open!)! At first I thought it might have been DH that I saw go in her room, but something about it just didn't feel right to me, so I got up from the floor and went downstairs to check. DH was sitting in our living room playing a game. I asked if SD had been down there and he said it had been about 10 or 15 minutes. I went back upstairs, opened her door, and sure enough, there they were sitting on her bed together! We just went through a month's worth of her being grounded, took some (as a few would say on here) questionable measures to try and get through to her, and all of it was for NOTHING! We just don't know what to do anymore. Punishing her for what happened won't do any good...so what do we do? Just not care anymore? I can't do that! I'm in complete shock...I am still having trouble believing what happened. How many times has it happened before? He waltzed into her room like he knew exactly where he was going. This boy has NEVER been in our house in our presence! The gate is now locked...the basement door and every other outer entrance to our house is now locked, but I still feel uncomfortable going to bed. This SUCKS! What else are we supposed to do?
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Hi! If you have an alarm,
Hi! If you have an alarm, you should turn it on, to keep bf out and sd in! If you don't have an alarm system, get one! is my thought.
That thought has crossed my
That thought has crossed my mind. We live in a rental house, so I don't know if we could get a fancy system put in, but I do know they make these alarms you can put on doors and windows that will go off if the connection between the two pieces is broken. We might look into those. I really don't think it will matter what we do. SD will just find a way around it like she always does. She is very manipulative and lies to us nonstop. She gets caught every time, but that doesn't stop her. She doesn't learn from her mistakes and just keeps making them over and over and adding new and more dangerous ones all the time. I'm scared for her and for everyone else in our family. I'm afraid she is going to end up putting us all in danger with her escalating behavior problems.
send her to a group home.
send her to a group home. obviously, u have done all u could and she still defys u. see how she likes being in a sort of 'prison' for not obeying rules. tough love.
Oh, how I wish that was an
Oh, how I wish that was an option. I'm fairly certain DH will not hear of it...but he may just stick her in an all girls catholic school after this...lol. Really, though, we are at the end of our rope. I personally think it is time to send her back to BM or to her grandparents. Apparently DH and I are not doing our jobs right. Maybe someone else should give it a try.
Even if I didn't think the
Even if I didn't think the punishment would do any good, I'd still lay the smack down. If you don't, she'll really think she got away with it.
Wow, I just browsed some of
Wow, I just browsed some of your blog entries, and now I second the group home idea from fedup...all of that crap SD is putting you through may warrant some help from other adults more experienced with her issues.
I agree that there should be
I agree that there should be some major consequences for what happened, but what? The last round of grounding we went through just made things worse. She continually defied us and went our of her way to go behind our backs and do the things she was grounded from doing...usually so she could see/talk to her bf.
Take everything out of her
Take everything out of her room besides her bed and books. No computer, no phone, no tv. Take her door off the hinges...if she can't be trusted with privacy, she doesn't get any. She can change clothes in the bathroom. No friends over, no leaving to go anywhere without you or dad.
We just got done doing all of
We just got done doing all of that. She just got ungrounded on June 29th after being grounded since June 1. We grounded her from the computer and the phone to begin with, then she did something else that got her into trouble, so we took her door away, then she did the very same thing again, so she lost her tv, video game, movie watching priveleges. We ended up taking some drastic measures to try and get our point across to her ( I am not going into detail as last time I did that on here I got some very negative responses about it, but it was much like a wilderness/survival camp) and that obviously didn't work either. She complains that she can't live being cut off from everyone, but I say "tough noogies" to that! Grrrrr!!!!!
Look into those
Look into those wilderness/survival camps for troubled teens. I'm sure they are really expensive, but I have a friend who used to work at one and he says so many of the kids turn their lives around.
I had a cousin that went to
I had a cousin that went to one of those survival camps. He died while he was there, so I'm not a big fan of those places, but at this point I would be willing to try it, I just don't know that DH would be up for it. Besides that, we live outside the U.S., and I'm not sure that would be an option where we are.
Yeah, I've heard of a few bad
Yeah, I've heard of a few bad things happening at them before, but it's very rare and thousands of kids go through them. I don't know what else you could do. I'm sorry, that really sucks. It's terrible that she isn't learning her lesson no matter what you guys do to punish her. Teenagers can be so tough and frustrating.
Thanks...I wish I could find
Thanks...I wish I could find an answer. I am really beginning to worry even more about her mental health. I am starting to think there may be way more going on there than just ADHD and depression/anxiety.
Could be...but I think
Could be...but I think sometimes teenagers are just like this. My youngest sister was TERRIBLE in her teenage years. She did alot of drugs (including trying SHOOTING up!), running away, a stint at the psych hospital after swallowing a bunch of pills because she stole our other sister's car when she was 14 or so and accidentally ran into a gas station and knew she was is HUGE trouble), sneaking out, stole painkillers from my dad, basically did whatever she wanted. My dad tried to reign her in as much as possible but nothing worked. Well, now she is 25, going to college, working full time, and turned into a decent human being. I honestly didn't think she would live past her teenage years. It just seems some teens go crazy.
I strongly suggest that DH
I strongly suggest that DH also talks to the boy's parents. SD17 has done the same thing in past--BF issues and regularly going against our rules. Latest BF and her caught doing something. DH said she was NOT to be around him until his mother/parent called him and they chatted. Of course, they already had met before, but sometimes other parents can help, as long as they are not permissive parents.
We have tried calling, but no
We have tried calling, but no one ever answers. I'm fairly certain that the boy's mother is a drunk and the father is never home. We are going to keep trying,though.
Absolutely nothing...I am all
Absolutely nothing...I am all for it.
I wish I had a great
I wish I had a great suggestion to help you with your rebellious teen. Maybe extreme measures like moving her into your room and making her sleep on a mattress on the floor?..(unpleasant for you and the hubby I know) As hard as it is right now, don't give up on her and someday many, many years from now she will appreciate it. Just make sure she is on birth control so you don't have teen pregnancy and a grandbaby to complicate matters (even if you don't agree with her having sex, but that is just my opinion understandable if you disagree) Good luck and stay strong, your are an awesome step-mom and it shows you care to seek answers and help.
It's tough enough raising a
It's tough enough raising a teenager, but raising one with as many problems as this one has is damn near impossible. We had a talk with her yesterday and suggested she get herself a box of condoms to keep in her room and told her that we would make an appointment to get her put on birth control. She TOTALLY cringed at the mention of both of those things. We also reminded her that the pills will only work if she remembers to take them. For right now, we are in "I don't care" mode. We DO care, very much about her and what is happening with her, but she keeps giving us this "I don't care" attitude, so we are reflecting it back to her for a while to see what happens. Of course, we will not be neglecting her or letting her go without the necessities, but the extra little perks that she is used to around here that her father and I provide for her are gone. We are hoping she will realize just how much we do for her and why she should respect us and be honest with us. I am hoping tough love will do some good.
LOL...oh, that and more has
LOL...oh, that and more has been said. He has basically been told to be thankful that he got away with his life. For all we knew he was an intruder and could have easily been pummeled with the cricket bat I keep in the stairwell by the door had I run into him in the dark. He is also lucky our dog did not rip him to shreds. He and SD are well aware that (1) there had better NOT be a next time and (2) if there is a next time, his ass is getting arrested for breaking and entering.