Good kid? What is the standard?
We "see" it all of the time in our community. Countless SParents comment on how their SKids "aren't too bad", "not a bad kid", "really wonderful ... except", "difficult but it's not their fault... they are really a good kid", etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.......
At what point do parents (Sparents, etc...) call it like it actually is?
This kid is an ill behaved POS. Period.
No qualification of the "ya but" or "its not their fault", etc........
What is the hurdle/litmus test for the measurement of "a good kid"? Of even a "not so bad" kid?
Where does reality set in?
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Don't you worry. I call mine
Don't you worry. I call mine worse than ill behaved lol.
For me, it boils down to
For me, it boils down to decent manners, appropriate showing of gratitude and empathy, behavior and respect for others as well as themselves.
We are a military family, so we are far more formal with the "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir." We are fortunate to live in a community that is military heavy.
My boys (BS16 and BS14) know what is expected and know the right time to let loose. SD23 has major mental issues, but was raised in the same home with the same rules and expectations. Her issues caused a lot of problems which were explained to the boys in simple terms. She could be a great kid and 30 seconds later be a Walmart meltdown child.
None of the kids I've had a hand in raising are angels, but they know the limits and the consequences. I think that is what's missing in a lot of families right now.
I do not physically punish. I take privileges. Internet. Cell phone. Gaming. Now that BS16 is driving, loss of his vehicle is the end all, be all. The last time either of the boys lost a privilege was over a year ago. They took the consequence of losing the Wifi and made their own board game. Ingenious little shits they are.
SD's mental issues made it tougher as she was not allowed certain items like unsupervised computer time or a smartphone. We'd take things like a favorite item of clothing or her beloved hair straightener. Now that she is an adult and in a step situation, she understands and applies the same basic philosophy as she and BF are in agreement.
I think it’s possible that
I think it’s possible that the parents/step parents that say that can acknowledge that the kid had/has the potential to be a better person if their parents would step up and actually parent.
But there are some of us that can see that no parenting will ever change the crappy personalities some of these kids have. Parenting may curb some of the behaviors, but the kid will be this way for life.
My husband would say
”i know my kids have issues but they have being wronged having an abusive mother and i was working full time so they have been wronged”.
thats an excuse to not appropriately discipline his kids and parent them and basically tip toe over them and excuse or justify their shit...
when my hubby said that its like he was telling my to eat shit and i will not... i told him to stop throwing a pity party, my il’s always blame bio mum for their issues and why they don’t call skids out on their crap behaviour
My kid is not a little shit.
My kid is not a little shit. Neither are my step kids. And they do have their moments. They have different strengths and deficits.
I'm not a POS either. But I definitely have my downsides. I don't think anyone has to be perfect to be a 'good person'. I also don't think that a set of charachter flaws makes someone a bad person.
I do think labelling someone - esp a kid - as a POS is ultimately self-defeating.
Thanks for presenting
Thanks for presenting different perspectives on this.
I appreciate the variety of thought.