Even when confronting toxic with zero tolerance and immediate consequences....
their crap can still cause pain and hurt.
It takes time for the pushback to start to work. It also takes time for those who do push back to grow some armor to the pain caused by the toxic.
Even with strong armor, getting pummeled with toxic crap hurts. The positive thing is that even though their crap may still bruise, it no longer cuts. The if we remain diligent and commited, pushback causes far more pain to them than they can continue to cause to us. It gets better.
Better, is ... well, better.
In my/our case the pain that the SpermClan can still cause to my son, breaks my heart. Though I do take some comfort that they are no longer a frequent or notably active detriment to his life or our family.
Take care everyone.
- Rags's blog
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Comments
I refer to this as the messy
I refer to this as the messy middle part of change. It's when our knees may be wobbly, but we just have to stick to our guns as others test us or seek to breech our new boundaries. The end result is absolutely worth it.
its like popping a pimple or lancing an infected cut
Its gross and infected and yucky. Then its cleaned and cleared and healthy and doesnt hurt after it heals.
A perfect analogy CLove - I
A perfect analogy CLove - I am in the process of healing. I have removed any of the large pieces of gravel from the wound and delicately cleaned it out. Now...the scab is forming which I hope will be what Rags describes as "armor." I also know that there will be a scar and a reminder of the pain. I've been feeling stronger and stronger - I still feel at times sad but I realize I don't want things to "go back to the way it was." There's some peace in being able to articulate exactly what you will not stand any longer and placing healthy boundaries. I tend to think through scenarios beforehand now so that I can influence a better position and less dealing with direct hits.