I think the kid should see his father alone. BUT... this should not be a permanent arrangement unless you are not brought up ass the subject and DH is not handing over handfuls of cash to the boy.

Do you think you have a right to see SS16? Morally, probably but legally you haven't got a leg to stand on.

I would tell DH that you hope he enjoys his meal with his son however you hope he is not about to hand over cash or make any agreements without consulting you first. I went thru the same thing a coupe years ago. At first I felt slighted but then I felt free from his crappy table manners and snotty attitude. But then I realised how peaceful my life is. As long as DH did nothing more than paying for the meal and anything else he discussed face to face with me I was fine with the situation.

My father always brought his girlfriend with him to see me this past year that he has been in my life. Lovely lady, but I just wanted to have a lunch just me and my dad, ya know? It wasn't anything against her, I just wanted him to spend time with just me and thought he sees her everyday all day and me he had not seen in 25 years, know what I mean?

As long as there is not a really bad history with SS (I havent read past blogs), I would say be glad he asked for what he was needing and I wouldn't think twice about it unless it was a constant thing.

I send my DH alone with SD and SD's sister for lunch at times (ages 12/15) every couple months or so. It really seems to mean a lot to them and isn't anything against me. I take DSD out once in a while for our special lunches without DH too once in a while.

I agree with everyone else. I think it is important for dad and each of his kids to do something, just the two of them, every now and then. My dh does that with each SD and my dad and I sometimes do stuff where its just the two of us. And in this case, he may have questions for his dad about sex, girls, etc.

I think a 16 year old boy should be ok talking to "just" his father. I'm pretty sure that happens in nuclear families, too.

Try not to take offense. Suggest maybe meeting up afterward for an ice cream or movie or something...see what he says then.

i hope my dh never allows his kid to hurt me

I don't know. If it is OK for us SM's to exclude SK's and want time alone with our DH why can't the kids do this as well. I think it is important for them to have time alone with their parent. He could be going through something and just doesn't feel like being with you too. Does he know you real well? I wouldn't jump to conclusion just yet. Take a deep breath and remember your DH loves you. Let him be a dad when he needs to be.

What you say is "if it's ok for THEM to exclude me, then it's ok for me to exclude THEM...make sure honey, that your spoiled kids are aware that from now on, since they feel I am not part of their family and can exclude me, that if we do something at our home, regardless of what it is, I can also easily exclude them and there can't be any complaining about it." That should put it into perspective for your DH and his loser kids. If they still go through with it, be happy, from now on, all holidays or other special events or heck, any day that you are at home, you can demand they NOT come to your home as you want to spend alone/one on one time with ONLY your DH and people of your choosing.

PS - as soon as they complain about THAT and they will, your DH will see how selfish they are...