I feel like a loosely bridled horse right now. I could take my head, but in consideration of all, should I?
I did tell him, this distance between us is an off balance result of what was true. He felt like stepping onto the doorstep of home for the first time. I'm nearing official middle age, and I do mean the first time. What that means, silly to say, is that he is the first for me. I gave him myself, that was unique. And then he let princess do all what he did. I still just have to shake my head because I cannot understand it, any of it.

And now I am, in his mind, somehow, someway, the one that interferes with intamicy? Is this real? I invited hin again to come outside with me, celebrate with me. I communicated to him that I cannot NOT interpret what he does or does not choose. He turned away from and went to sleep. I went out and enjpyed the Solistice, beyond my will.