Back Where We Belong

My fingers move here on the keyboard, waiting for the place to begin to splice out what I have to say. It's not just the step mother's layers of bitterness and disappointment that grow with time, it is theirs, too. Everything intensifies, and everyone does blame one another.
I've stayed off the site for months in due to my spouse who experiences hurt when I do post. As I have shared in many-a-previous post, I have let what felt like righteous anger out at him. I've sworn off it. I've kept to myself on all levels, on all levels.
There have been too many things that have coalesced together wherein I feel finally damnit, I am overflowing with, what, in a made up word, word would be emoss. Emotion, overflowing.
Mossy overgrowth, disgusting underlayers of rot when not on good dry earth.

There are so many stories I could share now. I thought princess would have been an underlyer now, but she is not. pee has, fairly, or not, become classified in my mind as purely dangerous territory.

My spouse shares with me the email he is to send his daughter. The email he has to send his daughter is necessary because he is going through the masturbatory motions of cutting her off the teat. She chooses to act as if she were deaf. So, I do volunteer and I am asked, to review the message to her regarding her need to pony up for her own cell phone bill, her car tabs, her car insurance. Her college is paid for, she has a job (god help us all, at a nursing home). This dumb girl can swing these things.

So anyway, on and on.

So many stories. His children are no chip off the old block.

I feel like he set me up as a bad guy in order to carry through what he knew was right with both of them, and goddamnit, I could deal with that if it were just out in the open. You want me as your fall guy? Ok, I understand the goddamn terms, I'm in or out, just be fucking HONEST with me about you, who you are, where you're coming from, what you want from me, what this means in your best vision to everyone, WHERE YOU SEE THIS GOING, YOU MUTHERFUCKER.

princessandthepee's blog
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These men, why might their

These men, why might their first wives have divorced them at all? Are they all charmers? Snakes? Disgusting things that slither into our lives?
I have been as nicely contained as a Betty Crocker cupcake for months. Fuck him, fuck all of this, fuck his stupid kids, fuck all they put my children through, oh, oops, so sorry honey.

These men, why might their

If I may be so bold, none of

If I may be so bold, none of would be here if we actually felt safe. The reason the site exists, the reason we're all here is that we do not feel safe. We all feel betrayed and we are all trying to figure out how to incorporate that into what is now, and go on as things are.
Not many people at all quote Dorothy Fisher. She was not common.
Your son will always understand, no matter how your ex tries to cloud that. Your son will always know.

And, your ex will never

And, your ex will never change. Not until he is on his deathbed looking out with regret. It's only the experience of how powerless we all are that will make him understand. But I think your son will be fine. I get the feeling your son has a quirk to his smile that tells everything.

SA, I have a lot of guilt.

SA, I have a lot of guilt. You and others here have given true time and thought to what I have expressed, and I have been so self absorbed I have done no one justice at all. Simply, no one. I've taken without giving, and I don't trust myself yet to hold the line.

I love Betty's numbered edition cookbooks, because I treasure them and the sentiment they were meant for. They were a point of connection for women finding their way in a system that blended both the natural and the unnatural. I love to feel each individual page of a well used one or a relatively unused one. You can tell so much.

SA, I have not give much back. All I could tell my husband my husband the other day was that I was filled to capacity over the way his children treat him. If my son said Fuck You to my husband, or his father (and Oh my god, I think he wants me back) I would power my son down with my eyes. My husband didn't look his son in the eyes. pee knows the standard now, there is no going back from it.
Thank you. I've been selfish, I am still.

PandP, you are correct in

PandP, you are correct in that no one would be on this site if they felt safe. I'm sure there are some happy well-adjusted step-families out there (I HOPE!) But, from reading the posts on here, it becomes clear that there is a classic text-book personality (disorder?) of the men we chose to marry. And on the other hand, it also seems as though the women, ourselves, are all cut from basically the same cloth.

Thankfully, I left my abusive, manipulative, lazy-ass, sorry excuse for a man. (Oh, but what a CHARMER in the courting days! I think we can all relate to that one!) Wish all of us had at the very LEAST the opportunity to leave if we want to. I ache for those of you with children by your H's or without the financial resources to support yourselves. This particular life situation can drain you quickly.

Also, PandP, I can relate to the whole "letting out righteous anger" on your H. My goodness, I am ashamed of some of the foul-mouthed language that erupted from myself over the past couple years. I NEVER (no exaggeration) used those words or put-downs towards anyone before in my life. and not only that, but I screamed the obscenities at the top of my lungs with him....... He brought out anger in me that I didn't know possible. Don't be too hard on yourself...... Best of everything to you, dear.

I have more resentment toward

I have more resentment toward my computer keyboard than my ex than anything else. I've composed things so heartfekt, All lost because of these weird keys and touchpad. Silly little retard me, but that's just really anger. I am not ashamed when it comes all down to it because I've done nothing but alway give him everything of my intuition and my faith. Those are gifts rarely given from me, never before him. I've had intuiion, bear it every day, but never had it combined with faith in another person.

Oh my, this post really

Oh my, this post really sparked something in me. I too, felt that I was set up to be the bad guy. Always told exactly what I so desperately wanted to hear, when all I ever asked for, was the truth. Thereby taking away my choice to make a healthy decision for myself. Why??? Because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. It was so obvious that we had massively opposing values and it bothered me a lot. Love alone does not conquer all. Had he just been honest and told me that he was going to continue to cater to adult children, I would have walked away in the beginning. Instead, I was sold a bill of goods by a snake oil salesman only to find that the posion he offered up, would consume me with bitterness and regret in the end. Oh well, 9 years gone, is still way better than 20.

Peace and harmony to you!

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