One more day and my Dh is starting to change his mind

Last night Ss had a bad nightmare. He used to have them a lot more frequently before but over the last year or so, they became more sporadic. But last night was bad. He was screaming and crying. He even wet the bed. It took my Dh 15 mins down to calm him down. He was having a night terror, his eyes were open but he did not know where he was. He finally calmed down and came to his senses. He wouldn't tell us what the dream was about. We can only imagine it must have been terrible. He continued sleeping with my Dh hugging him all night.

This morning my Dh said he is having second thoughts about taking Ss to the facility. That he needs us more than he needs nurses. I just burst into tears. The stress is getting to me. I had just got myself used to the idea that we are sending him away and now this. I can only process so many emotions at a time.

Regardless, everything has been packed. If my Dh wants to go ahead with the plan, he will be able to. If not, I will support him. I refuse to put myself in a position where I get blamed for anything.

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I wish my Dh understood that.

I wish my Dh understood that. He sees Ss improving in tiny bits and thinks its going great.

I've followed your blog,

I've followed your blog, praying, and my heart goes out to your family.

However, I have to say something. You must make your husband understand that tiny improvements and emotional bandaids fixing breakdowns don't indicate improvement. The kid is clearly hanging on by his fingernails and the slightest upset sends him into a major tailspin. That's not improvement. Improvement is him dealing with upsets without falling apart at the seams. I have no doubt that your DH has major, major guilt over what happened and is even blaming himself even though there was nothing he could do. I realize you can't put yourself in the middle but the boy is clearly lost and deeply wounded and you can't keep the kid in a glass house for the rest of his life. He's abusing substances if he can get his hands on stuff. He's trying to make himself numb already, what's going to happen when he gets older, when he has to deal with the day to day pain and rejection of adult employment or relationships???

There's something else I want to mention even though it's not topical I've felt compelled to tell you ever since I read what SS said in therapy. I know a kid who was abused (not sexually, but physically/emotionally) by his father, when the mother wasn't around. It came out after the kid was an adult that he THOUGHT the mother knew the father was pulling this shit and imagined his parents both laughing over what the father had done that day. When he found out his mother was absolutely clueless he was dumbfounded, but he was able to release some of his anger at her.

No one should have to deal with such pain as your SS and you and your DH are coping with and it's not possible for the "average" person. SS (and DH) will not truly recover unless everyone surrenders to professional help.

Thanks realmccoy. I couldn't

Thanks realmccoy. I couldn't have imagined being in in this position 5 years ago.

I know ripley, I feel the

I know ripley, I feel the same way. Ss is not suicidal at the moment. If anything, he has threatened suicide if we send him to a facility. But he seems to be doing better with school and the two new friends he made.

But worries me is his alcohol abuse, terrible self-esteem, and confusion about his sexuality. And he needs a lot of help with this. Help we cannot provide. I wish my Dh could see that. I wil wait and see what he does tomorrow. If he decides not take Ss, I will be talking to him about it. Even if it means I break my rule of not getting involved in decisions regarding Ss.

I think that you should talk

I think that you should talk to your husband about it. I know that it is his son, however his son is apart of your life too. His son's behavior/past affects you as much as it affects your husband.

I will see what my Dh does on

I will see what my Dh does on his own. If he doesn't take Ss there, I will talk to him. You are right, it impacts me too.

I find myself crying every

I find myself crying every time I read your posts. I am so sorry all of this is happening. I will continue to pray for healing in your family and for wisdom for you and your DH. (((BIG HUGS))

I am sorry for making you cry

I am sorry for making you cry bsgoingon. Thanks for the hugs and prayers.

Don't you be sorry for

Don't you be sorry for anything. You are an amazing woman, and I commend your patience. Life is so unfair sometimes.

I don't know if this helps

I don't know if this helps but the age in which your SS is it is NORMAL to have bad night terrors. It's something most children go though and as a nurse we are trained how to deal with them and what to do so him being with nurses is a good thing but as a parent it's something that is very scary if you don't know the science behind them or understand it's part of the development of a child.

It has to be a tough decision and not one anyone should have to face. God bless you and your family during this hard time.

But I thought night terrors

But I thought night terrors end around 10? He is 14 now. And we have no doubt it happens because of the abuse he faced. I really don't think it is normal. Once he had a night terror where he was screaming that he couldn't breathe. We were so scared.

(((praying))) it's not

(((praying))) it's not normal night terrors for him. It's PTSD terrors, naturally, after what he's been through. Please, stay strong, keep focusing on them both getting in the car and your ss landing at the facility. And your H coming home without him. No doubts, this is what he needs the most. we'll keep breathing with you, for you.

^^^ the terrors are NOT

^^^ the terrors are NOT normal. It is a sign of PTSD. The fact that his eyes were open and he was still terrified is the major give away. He needs the help to work through the past. The only thing that can help him over come the PTSD symptoms is to talk to a professional. I have gone through this as have friends of mine. The night Terrors will NOT go away. Given time he will just get better at hiding them within himself, drinking and other serve destructive behaviors will become his life if he doesnt face his past.