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How do you not feel like a POS when you love but dont really like or want to be around your skids?!

Peaches1973's picture

Submitted by Peaches1973 on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 5:43pm

Hello all.Im brand spaking new to this.I came across this site and knew I had found what Ive been looking for-a place to vent among those who understand.
Ive been with my fiance for almost 3 years now.I love him very much and am willing to go though what I need to to be with him but sometimes I have a hard time dealing.He has full custody of 4 kids (SD16,SD13,SD8,AS7) since BM walked out and moved out of state to be with another man almost 4 years ago.BM gets them for the summer is the court order tho last year she decided she didnt want to.Must be nice yeah?
This year she took them,thank the lord.Theyve been gone for a month and a half-they come back this weekend.Im so not thrilled.In fact Im filled with anxiety and dread because here we go-back to hell.My fiance does the guilty Daddy thing very well as do his parents with whom the kids have been living since BM left,to help so that my man could work (he gets after hours call-outs alot).They live down the street and weve just moved into a house so that we can have room for all us.The shitty part is that we havent had the money to build the extra rooms needed over the summer so my man will have to do what hes been doing since weve been together and stay at his parents from the time he gets of work till the kids go to bed. I dont see him till 9 PM and he falls asleep shortly thereafter.Hes under so much stress from this back and forth between two households that hes moody a good majority of the time.
SD16 is the easiest of the skids,very helpful and mature.But demanding."Dad I want to go here...Dad I need to buy this" etc.He never says no,no matter how inconvenient it is for himself or me.If its his last $20,she will get it.
SD12 is immature for her age,very whiny,always needs attention.She will say the most assinine things like "Reeeaaalllyyyy?" everytime anyone says anything.She will repeat back to you exactly what you have just stated-in question form.Constantly.She turns on the water works at the drop of a hat and Daddy always falls for it."Well shes crying so Im gonna assume she hasnt done anything wrong." HUH?
SD8 is the most difficult for me.She is always up Daddys ass.She will literaly put herself between he and I physicaly like a frickin wedge,crawls all over him when Im sitting next to him to the point that I have to get up and move it irritates me so.Crawls on him constantly,when we are eating,watching TV,having a conversation,doesnt matter.And while shes doing it shes looking at me with this smug smile.He will tell her to stop but she doesnt because she and the other kids have learned that you dont really ever have to listen-you just keep doing it and the adult will just give an "oh well" sigh and let it go.
AS7 has ADHD or what I like to refer to as "nobody makes him listen and so hes an ass" disorder.He steals anything thats sparks his interest and hides it in his room.If its shiny and he wants it he takes it like a freakin racoon.Keys,knives,cell phones,everything.No punishment makes a difference and Daddy wont be too hard on him cause "its ADHD and he cant help it". HUH. So the fact that he set a 5th Wheel on fire and it burnt to the ground is kinda ok too? Yeah,he starts fires.I fear for the house and our lives.Hesalso very physicaly needy and is always up Daddys ass.We cant have a conversation without being interupted constanly by the two youngest."Dad..Dad..Dad" "What?" "I love you." Every 30 seconds.
He,his parents and the two older SD's call them "the Babies" Im serious.It makes me sick.I told it bothers me and that maybe if they didnt get treated like babies they wouldnt act like babies.To no avail.

I have a BD13 and I admit shes got her own issues.I also have a BD18 and she has just moved out.My kids BF hasnt been in their lives since they were small but Ive always tried to teach them that they dont need to be up my ass all the time so they are more independent thank god.
I do love his kids and tell them so,I hug and kiss them,they call me Mom and I think thats great.But they are so needy it drives me nuts.When they are around its like Im not there.We have had such a great summer by ourselves and I have knots in my stomach about the fact that its coming to an end.
I cant say anything to correct his kids without him getting pissy.I guess because he feels that they are so underpriviledged cause they dont have a mom.Well mine dont have a dad and theyve always gotten called on their shit so what makes them so special?
Theres more but but Ive already written a damn novel.I would love to hear any advise or from anyone who knows what Im going through.Even if it never changes,getting it out of my system and hearing from others in the same boat really helps so thanks for reading my bitchfest. Smile

Comments

WTHDISUF's picture

Submitted by WTHDISUF on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 9:30pm

Manymoments, my screen name stands for What The Hell Did I Sign Up For- so yeah I get it. Pseudo-SS8 shows up tomorrow. My bliss is now dismissed. Sigh.

Peaches1973's picture

Submitted by Peaches1973 on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 6:39pm

Honestly Manymoments,if I had it to do all over again I wouldnt.If I could go back in time and say 'oh hell no!" when I found out he had four kids,I would run the other way.

Unhappy's picture

Submitted by Unhappy on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 7:01pm

Other than the stealing I can completely relate and I only have two skids. SS(5) who is constantly up DH's but and interupting us when we talk. And SD(7) who is a whole different train wreck (just read my posts). As soon as I fugure out a way to fix my situation I'll let you know. All I can do is sympathize with your situation. Wink

Peaches1973's picture

Submitted by Peaches1973 on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 7:04pm

I feel your pain.So I guess the answer is if we love the man,which we obviously do,then we just keep faking it.I just find myself escaping to my room alot.I would much rather chill with my man but if the kids are competing with me for his attention constantly than Im happy to go in my room,close the door and read a book.I have to separate myself before I to the point of wanting to punch an 8 yr old in the face.Because that would be bad.

WTHDISUF's picture

Submitted by WTHDISUF on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 9:44pm

Peaches I found this site a few weeks ago and didn't sign up right away thinking I had hope left and wasn't this far gone. Lol. Yesterday I broke and I had to start posting and I'm so glad because I've finally found a place to say these things that most don't understand. Sick of mature advice about how to just love him (SS8) and crap. Here I've found real people with real frustration who once were nice and kind and tried, just like you and just like me, but eventually realized some kids just aren't easy to like or love. Here, you can openly acknowledge not loving or liking skids for the most part. You can say the mean things you feel without judgment.

Almost everyone of us here knows exactly how you feel. The dreaded knot of doom creeps into stomach of us all when it's time for the Skids to come around. Come here, read stories and sigh that you're not alone. In no time at all you'll feel less like a POS and more like a person who's just fed up with the lie that we can love & treat Skids like our own. That sh*ts for saints and I'm 6 burnt up halo's from even being on even keel when it comes to dealing with BM and Pseudo-SS8. (I call mine Pseudo b/c he's not even my husbands Bio kid). Welcome.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Fri, 07/27/2012 - 4:29am

sounds like your man has too much going on in his life and doesn't really have time for a true relationship with a woman as things stand. 4 kids are a HUGE responsibility! the only way i would be willing to live in this hellish situation is to insist that he create some boundaries and learn how to say the word "NO" to the children, and begin expecting them to be more self-serving and independant, and start disciplining them. seems he's spoiling them because the "poor children's" mother left them. so, they're not going to be expected to function in society when they grow up because of this??? probably more children of divorce in this country than not! if you can get him on board with this, you have hope of becoming a priority, but will never have him all to yourself. sounds like the kids are ruling and he's killing himself serving instead of parenting. i could not tolerate that. good luck.

Peaches1973's picture

Submitted by Peaches1973 on Fri, 07/27/2012 - 10:07am

Thank you all for your comments,this site is very helpful and I have a feeling I will be visiting,comiserating and venting alot! Smile
Cocoa you are right,hes spread too thin and the only one who can change that is him.He needs to take control back from his parents and his kids and be a leader for the family instead of continuing to be miserable in a situation he thinks he doesnt have any control over.