**No, I am not going to harm myself or take a whole bottle with a vodka chaser. **

Today is supposed to be Demented's weekend with SS. I hadn't heard from her, so I asked Hubby to call and make sure that she is still planning on meeting today.

He calls her and then tells me, "Nope. She says this is not her weekend and she has made plans for next weekend. She has them written on her calendar." He told her, no, this is your weekend. If you don't want to get him this weekend, then you will not get him until your next scheduled weekend because we have plans next weekend too.

Next weekend is the weekend closest to SS birthday. How amazingly convenient that she rearranged the weekends so he would be at her house. I'm not fooled for a minute. I resent that she feels that she can manipulate MY life as it suits her. Because, even though Hubby told her that she isn't getting him next weekend, if she doesn't get him this weekend - guess who is stuck with him?

Me.

Hubby and I don't fight. We definitely don't scream at each other. But, today he was talking about it and looked at me and said, "Why do you look so furious?" and I let loose.

(sorry for the caps - but I WAS screaming.)

"I RAISED THE CHILDREN THAT I GAVE BIRTH TO - WHETHER I FELT LIKE IT AT THE MOMENT OR NOT!! EVEN IF I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE OR I DIDN'T FEEL GOOD OR I DIDN'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM AT THAT TIME!! I DIDN'T DUMP THEM OFF ON SOMEONE ELSE LIKE SHE DUMPS HIM OFF ON ME!I'M SICK OF RAISING HERS BECAUSE IT'S NOT CONVENIENT FOR HER! YOU WONDER WHY I GET ANGRY WITH SS - BUT SOMETIMES I CAN'T SEPARATE HIM FROM HIS STUPID, USELESS BITCH OF A MOTHER! SHE DOESN'T PAY ME ENOUGH TO BE HER SLAVE!!"

Then, I ran upstairs sobbing. Hubby came up to talk to me for as long as he could without being late for work, but it didn't really help. The Xanax did though. And writing here did too.

This year, Hubby seems to understand how I feel about her manipulating and he has said that she will not be allowed to do that (see the Spring Break post) but is he going to FORCE her to pick him up?

There are other issues, with SS behavior etc. that I am not going into, because I don't want to pull him into my feelings about his sorry excuse for an incubator. I feel bad for him today because he was looking forward to going to her house and had turned down an invitation to a party so that he could go. It's not his fault. And it's not my fault, but he and I are the ones that get to live with her decisions. Not Fair.

We could let her have her way and get custody of him and then we could be the fun parents, but it would be a total disaster that would ruin his life. She doesn't monitor his actions at all there and he is allowed to get away with everything. There is no discipline what so ever.