Things are looking ugly
Visitation was yesterday for the first time in three weeks and BM went WAAAY too far. She sent me 25 emails all ranging from "SS hates you and doesn't want to be around you", "If you are around my son at all today I will get a restraining order on you", "You have a phone at home so you better learn to use it", "SS will NOT be going out of town", to "Do you like your hair short?" She sent BF 8 or so emails, but the worst of them came at night after SS was dropped back off. "SS is crying and won't tell me what's wrong", "you better tell me what happened to make him so upset", "I think you only pretend to be a parent to impress your lawyer friends". That one really pissed BF off...I couldn't cool him down from that one. He called his mother to talk to her and tell her what was going on and that BM had gone too far this time, was giving SS nasty messages to give to us, and the shit was about to hit the fan this week. Well BF's mother is very protective of her son and her grandson so she called BM and chewed her out. So of course we get a lovely email from BM about how she loves that we go running to BF's mother about our situation and "lie" to her about things BM is doing. Then she says that from now on if she gets a phone call from anyone else besides BF, she will report it as indirect contact and therefore violation of the restraining order. I'm thinking great, I have an excuse not to talk to her. Then she goes on to say that if BF wants to talk about SS, he HAS to talk to HER, and he won't be able to send messages through other people or force her to do the same in order to avoid contact with her. She went on to say that she would go on parenting her son ALONE as she had done for the past 8 years, she didn't need him, SS didn't need him, she was suprised and never thought BF would choose ME over SS, blah blah blah. (My thought? If she doesn't need him, stop collecting his damn money!)
BF is severely hurt and pissed. I don't know what to do. I want to encourage him to call the cops every time she calls him this week and report her for violation of the restraining order. I want to tell him to take all the evidence we've been saving up and start using it for what we intended it for. But I just don't know what to do. I myself will be going to a lawyer this week, I already called yesterday and left a message for them to get back in touch with me so we can start this restraining order business. I'm more than a little worried that BM will be able to get a restraining order on me before I can get one on her...but could she really do that?
I'm just so worried.
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See what your lawyer says
about the restraining order. You haven't really done anything for a judge to give her a restraining order. You haven't sent emails, any phone calls, and your bf's mother called on behalf of her son and grandson, not you.
She possibly could get a temporary restraining order, but when you go to finalize it, it would be dropped (from my experience). I have had to file restraining orders on people before, and 1. you need a police report and 2. Unless you assaulted her and she has the police record to prove it, it's going to cost her money to file (not that she wouldn't spend it, but with the current cost of lawyers, does she really have an extra $80 to file it?).
My suggestion is to not worry about it. A judge is not just going to take her word that she needs a restraining order without necessary cause.
Your bm is very strange at the very least. And I know it isn't easy to just relax and not worry. But Nymh, you really need to focus on your life, and not let her get you down. Even if I'm wrong, and she does get a restraining order on you, it isn't the end of the world (it's not like she has gotten you in prison). You would get through it, and dissolve the order.
You and bf just continue on with your lives, and if you can, ignore all the ridiculous emails.
Have a Great Day,
Candice
Are you sure?
She got an order of protection on BF with no evidence at all, only going by what she said. They didn't wait around either, they did it that very day. The county she lives in is a lot less populated than the one we live in and she tends to get things done a lot faster and easier than we can. I'm just afraid that the same thing is going to happen when she goes to the DA and says she needs an HRO on me now. And yes, she really does have the extra money. Even though she tries to pull the typical broke as a joke to try to get more money out of BF game, she is really loaded. She's bought 2 laptops and 1 computer in the past 2 years, like 3 cellphones, a truck, a car...it goes on and on. She got a huge settlement from her workplace so she really does have a lot more money than she lets on and I'm starting to wonder if that's part of why she can get things done so quickly and easily.
I really hope my attorney calls me back soon. I want to get a TRO ASAP and use the time that it covers to gather all my evidence for the court date on the HRO. I can't handle this anymore. My attorney said that a judge would happily give me a restraining order just on a couple of weeks of evidence alone, much less three years.
Part of me is genuinely afraid of what is yet to come. Over the past three years things have continued to get worse and worse as time goes on. If it's this bad now, what's going to happen when she sees that I've gotten a restraining order on her? I feel like I'm going to be calling the cops every time I turn around because this woman has absolutely no concept of reality whatsoever...she honestly thinks she is above the law and violates the restraining order that BF and she have against each other all the time while threatening daily to take him to court for contempt. Ugh.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Do what you need to do to
Do what you need to do to protect YOU and let the chips fall where they may. She'll either back off or escalate to the point of getting herself locked up. But a restraining order won't do either you or BF a bit of good if you let her get away with ignoring it. I feel for you, Nymh. I wouldn't want to live under that pressure, either.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
I think it would be harder b/c you have no relations to her
your bf on the other hand, had a marriage to her, so she probably cried wolf and said he hit her, or was emotionally abusive. You should have an internal alarm going off b/c she is persistent and a pathelogical liar. It will be more challenging for her to get one on you b/c you have no direct ties to her. Perhaps she would be able to get one (temporary), but what I'm saying is that you would be able to get it dropped from my experience with it.
You are probably right about things getting worse, but what you need to do is get yourself in a position where it has no affect on you. She has money to burn, and she is going to burn it on stupid things unfortunately. And as long as her mission is to ruin your lives, she won't be focusing on improving her life.
On thing I always say to myself when my stress level is really high, and I'm afraid the potential outcome is..."what is the worst that can happen?" I state the worst, and I say to myself..."I will handle whatever comes my way, and I will get through it."
The worst that will happen is she will get a tro, and you will have to work on getting it dropped. Frustrating, but that is the worst that can happen. Do guard yourself in any way your lawyer tells you too....but also, learn to not consume your entire life with this woman's negativity. Easier said than done.
Keep me posted on what your lawyer says.
Good luck,
Candice
My God
This is so freaken out of control. This lady is completely off her rocker and it's high time something happens. Maybe that poor boy was crying because of the situation he is in. I think is is absolutely time to bring all the evidence to some from of authority. This woman's harressment needs to stop. It's crazy.
Please hang in there and be strong. But yes, time to do something. Although, I do fear this one's screws are so loose, she may resort to something worse.
Please be careful.
Best thoughts and prayers. Jo
I called my lawyer
I called the legal aide at my lawyer's office and told her what was going on. She told me to print out the emails and document all the calls where she specifically asked for me. I asked her if I needed to print off all 500 or so emails that I had from her or just the ones from Sunday, but I either can't remember what she said or she didn't really say - either one is highly likely. I told her that BM had threatened to get a restraining order on me and she said "On WHAT?!". She said that BM has no grounds to get one on me and if she did go so far as to get a TRO, no judge would pass an HRO because they would know what was going on. She said she would get the ball rolling on my (legitimate) TRO and call me when she had an update.
In other news, BM hasn't called or emailed at all since visitation day. I think she was scared and lonely and lashing out because we took her precious son from her. It's sick how attached to him she is. She openly admitted in mediation that she didn't want BF to have all this extra time because she can't handle being away from SS that much. She almost fainted when the mediator told her that she couldn't stop BF from getting his rightful 2 weeks during the summer and week over Christmas. I feel so sorry for her.
And then again I really don't.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Sounds like
exactly what we went through four years ago Nymph. How old is your ss? It is a shame that has come to this point, but I agree that TRO is about all you can do now, with any luck it will give her the kick in the ass she needs,and when it comes to going to court/mediation that should work in your favor shouldn't it. When my ss's bm dragged us through court, she agreed to the plan, signed the plan, and denied us our easter visit less than 14 days after she signed the papers infront of the judge. In our case we were so confused why after four years apart we were suddenly being harassed. Did your bf and this bm separate without problems? Because I know our lawyer told us point blank there are some women out there that feel left out of the process of a custody fight when they first break, and the addition of a new women seems to remind them of something they missed out on...like they deserve to "fight for their child"
If it offers any hope the same bm I am speaking of is in a much better place in her life now, and we are getting along much better. Seemed like when ss started telling her he was too big for the 20mins snuggling goodbye kisses she started to let go a little. We still get the emails, and phone calls during the visits but now they are for him, and instead of 30 calls a day, we are down to a good morning and a good night. Good Luck
I'm glad you ...
made the call. So what happens next?
Love That
I love that quote Steve!