So f**ing fed up and frustrated over this bulls***!
I was going to just reply to my other post, but I want to write a new post for this one. BF emailed her back, willing to work with her on some things but unwilling to give away others - like holidays, for example. He also told her that as we live together and I pose no threat to SS's well being that I would not be forced away from visitation. Then there was the fact that the child support would be adjusted accordingly to what it should be given that he has SS 26 days a year now and with the proposed parenting plan he'd be getting 80+ which is a big differendce. He also said that he would agree to her request to claim SS for taxes every year if she would agree to the rest of his changes. Well, she didn't take his email well at all. She emailed him back saying that I posed a threat to SS's psychological well being and she would not agree to allow me to be involved in visitations. She also said she would not be bullied into agreeing to things that she does not find satisfactory to be able to do something which they had both previously agreed was her exclusive right in the first place (claiming SS every year on taxes). Yeah, in the first parenting plan that's how it is...but that's why they're called MODIFICATIONS. If everything was to stay the same, there would be no need for this conversation at all...
BF emailed her back saying that's fine, I tried, we'll just stick with the default parenting plan that every non-custodial parent gets and forget about it. Apparently she thinks she can somehow convince the judge that she is a special circumstance and BF doesn't deserve time with his son that every other divorced parent gets. Well, whatever, let her waste her money is my opinion because a judge is going to laugh at her when he sees her absurd and selfish proposed changes. Her lawyer keeps trying to tell her that she's being ridiculous and he can't help her if she won't do what he says but she's too damn stubborn to listen to anyone.
So in reward for trying to work with BM in an effort to save time and money for everyone, we get endless phone calls and emails today. In one of them she demands that SS will NOT spend the weekend at our home and that BF had BETTER rent a room for the two nights that he will have him. She also has been threatening to take us to court over more stupid bulls%^& that she pulls out of her ass. Whatever. Let her. I don't care anymore. The way I see it, we're saving $200 a month now on our new house and if that has to go straight into a budget to pay our lawyer because of her bull#%^ so be it.
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One of those, eh?
Yeah, lovely predicament, isn't it?
Sometimes, I wish we could put some of these crazy, nutty BM's on the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland, and strap them in it so they can't get out, and let them just ride a round and a round and a round for over a week for rehabilitation...
It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small small world.... it's a small world...
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Nymh, I feel your pain
The BMs you and I deal with are neck and neck in the race for the craziest, most impossible to deal with, irrational, vindictive, selfish and self righteous BM EVER. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to reason with insanity, and that's what we are always trying to do with these women. The trouble is, if they were ridiculous like this 100% of the time, you'd know to just never ever EVER engage. HOWEVER, they know that if they can appear reasonable just 5% of the time, they can TRICK you into "negotiating" with them - ie. they bully you into succumbing to their demands. Once in a blue moon, they "let" you have what you're asking for, most likely because it benefits them somehow, so you think there is some sense in having an adult conversation with them. WRONG! They return to the bullying faster than you can say "thanks". Dealing with BMs like these is like trying to negotiate with a terrorist!
Hang in there, Nymh. At least you know you're in the right. There's a special place in hell for these people.
Cheri
even though my bm isn't as crazy as your's or Nymh's, I still feel exactly the way you stated in the post! Bm complies for a short time, them BAM, she's off doing her irresponsbile behavior, dragging ss along, and we have to pick up the pieces. I'm so frustrated, I'm sick to my stomach right now.
This is exactly how our bm sucks us in...she pretends like she needs us, pretends like she is supporting us, then on a dime she switches gears and is off in another direction.
Thanks, you said what is exactly on my mind!
Candice
crazy vs. just plain irresponsible
Maybe she's not certifiably "crazy" like our BMs, but she's extremely irresponsible which is just as frustrating. So, it's the same difference to me!
You're so right!
And sorry...I always call you Cheri...sorry...your Caitlin!
And your right, her irresponsibility is just frustrating. You have validated my feelings, so thank you so much! I'm sad to say it, but if ss really does move back in with her, we are throwing in the towel, and my dh already told her we are not taking him back. All we are going to do is send the cs check to her. My dh and I have had it. It's part my dh's fault, he never filed the paperwork to finalize custody change, and had he done that, we would have a better chance at keeping him legally. But, he kept that door wide open for her.
I feel terrible, but since my dh won't shut that door of her using us and treating my home like a half-way house, I'm shutting the door on supporting him as a father to ss. He isn't protecting our family from her dysfunction, and this is simply put, too much for me to handle.
Breathe.....
That's the first thing I want to say.
She wants BF to RENT a room just to have time with SS? Part of me wants to laugh out loud. The other part says that BM must think she has a pretty big set of cojones to make such a demand. Gee, it's not enough he pays her the support, he's also expected to pay for a hotel room every other weekend? I don't think so....
It really seems as though she's trying just about all she can to rile things up. If she can't prove that you are a threat to SS, or that your new house is condemned or something, then she's got nothing! She'll try her best, but will probably just end up pissy when she doesn't get HER way.
Some people just have to find out the hard way...
RE:
Now I think she might have just been trying to push my buttons with that comment because BF has heard nothing from her regarding her stupid demands that SS will not be at our house this weekend or that she expects him to get a room. She called BF last night to ask if he would do a science project with SS while he was with us this weekend so I guess she just left that part out lol
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Pull the plug.
Nymh, this is the same crazy lady that calls and e-mails you fifteen hundred times a day. Oh my word. I would seriously give thought to just stopping any correspondence with her regarding a new arrangement. Let the court handle this.
Somehow this lady needs to be put in her place. Her behavior is clearly harressment.
Best wishes - Jo
Nymh, just a thought...
But does BM often leave things out to BF that she's said to you? Is this usual or was this just this one time? Has it happened before? She'll rattle off to you, but doesn't rattle to BF about it- just you.
Reason I ask is because I wonder sometimes, if by saying things to you to rally you up, that in some way, when they speak to someone else- such as the father, they are trying to create an illusion that 'it's you who has a problem', knowing (in their mind) that you will just be sure to say something to BF, and hoping that BF will think that YOU don't like HER.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
RE:
It's a twisted game that this woman plays. Sometimes she'll gripe at me and then leave things out to BF. Most of the time though she plays the "Nymh told me THIS" game. She makes up stuff that one of us supposedly said to tell the other of us, trying to get them to "admit" to something.
I really think she's not over the fact that BF is gone even though it's been so long because she keeps pretending like we're hiding our relationship from her or the fact that we live together. We've told her our address and that we live together dozens of times, but she still claims that BF lies to her about where he lives, even to her lawyer and soon to the judge. She also claims that we are lying to her about being in a relationship but (even though it's none of her business) we've confirmed this as well without being improper. I don't know what kind of closure this woman is looking for but it's getting kind of old to hear that every time BF goes to pick SS up she's run him through the "Nymh told me you were lovers", "Nymh told me you sleep in the same bed" "Nymh told me you guys have sex" thing again. And then when he's on his way home with SS I get the "He told me he loved me and missed me and was sorry we divorced but I'll never take him back" "he asked me if he could move back in but I laughed at him and slammed the door in his face" ... it goes on and on.
Either it's a game or she really believes the things she's saying. With it having gone on for so long I'm starting to think that she's actually delusional and "living in her own world" where all of these things are true...
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
It sounds like...
She really believes what she's saying to be true in her reality. People who 'play games' don't keep it up for this long. Therefore, she really believes what she is saying... convinced herself of 'the truth' vs reality. It's sad, and frustrating for you.
Unfortunately, it's not really closure that she's looking for, but an altered reality. Something other than what is.
Do you think she could be schizophrenic? She almost sounds to me like she's Paranoid Schizophrenic, which is where the person is so consumed with false beliefs (delusions). Delusions are strange beliefs that are not based in reality and that the person refuses to give up, even when presented with factual information. Schizophrenia varies in severity from person to person and it's not solely a 'split personality' disorder as many believe.
But ultimately, a psychiatrist can diagnose this. It just sounds like she may have a little bit of schizophrenia, but I could be wrong.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
I've had my thoughts
BF is the one who lived with her for so long and he's thoroughly convinced that she's genuinely mentally unstable. I've had my thoughts that she needs a psych eval but I'm worried because she has a lot of education in psychology that she could just give "all the right answers" to make them pass her off as sane. Do you have any ideas on how they would handle this?
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Well... I'm not sure.
Depending upon the laws of your state, there may be a lot or nothing that you can do. Some states have laws that dictate that a person must be harmful to him/herself or others, or be unable to care for him/herself and the definitions of these dictates vary widely. Some states have mobile units that will come to your home and do an evaluation and assessment. But that might be a little difficult, since this isn't an 'immediate' family member in your home. The other thing is that she only (and I'm only gathering this from off your posts, so I really can't say) seems to have a little paranoia. A lot of schizophrenics see 'people' or hallucinate, which is a classic symptom, but not all schizophrenics see 'people'. It's a belief that goes array in their head. So, this may be very hard to prove.
She really does sound like she has some form of psychosis, may it be mild. If she has some psychology education, is she practicing? It is very possible that she could try to fool someone because there isn't really a test, but someone evaluates you. There are special IQ tests out there. Sometimes those can be pretty darn hard to 'tweak' the results when you have hundreds of questions, all worded differently, a time frame to finish in and you only can answer yes or no. It can be virtually impossible to be 'correct' on those. I think the best route is to have a judge order her for evaluation. Make it very well known that she has psychology education, therefore the evaluation must be very acute- or a team. Obviously you've got the paperwork to show she's harassing you and I'm sure you have lots of contradictions to back it up, so you could have a good chance for her to be ordered for an evaluation. This is a tough call.
Another question, do you know if she is religious? Like, strongly religious? Or believe she is all-powerful, capable of anything, even possibly invulnerable to danger? Does she believe that 'you are always after her?' These are all classic symptoms of psychosis.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
A ringer
NIMH (
there MUST be some accommodation for training in psych if the test-giver is aware of her education.
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