Heaven forbid I do something nice for SS
Where I work, people bring their children's fundraisers to sell for them to the rest of us. I saw this neat little dry-erase flip board with math problems, geography problems, etc on it and thought that would be cool to get SS, so I did. It was only $4.50, and since SS has said he's so bored in school and never learns anything I thought it would be nice to get. SS actually really liked it and used it quite a bit this weekend. Well, when BF dropped SS off last night and BM saw the flip board in the car, she went off...here's the email BF came home to last night:
I think that SS’s education is more than adequately provided for by the school and myself and there doesn’t need to be any input by you or the whore you shack up with when that is the problem affecting SS. I DON’T want her to buy him any educational aides such as the dry erase board he wasn’t allowed to get out of your vehicle this evening. It would be to the whore’s advantage to NOT get involved with my son in any matter regardless of what it is because all it’s going to do is cause her a heap of trouble that she doesn’t want and will eventually tire of and you will be gone as well. I think when that day comes, she should buy herself a drink and celebrate that she got rid of your ass for good!
WTF? It's a $4.50 flip board for crying out loud! Who the hell CARES?! And that's her new thing now, when referencing me she doesn't call me by my name or even "the girlfriend" anymore - which was irritating but I could live with. Now it's always "the whore," "the bitch," or "the tramp." I love how she calls me names when I haven't done anything to her at all to provoke it except exist. I don't talk to her, I don't email her, I don't send her messages through her friends, I don't drive by her work or try to get her fired, I don't try to ruin her reputation with her friends or her family, I don't take pictures of her when she drives down the road, I don't nitpick and nag on every single little thing she does...and I'M the bitch. I could just sit at home and never have any contact with anyone and I'd still be the bitch. You know, what's funny is that a couple of years ago when things were pretty bad (I say that like they haven't always been "pretty bad") I actually did back off for a while. BF and I didn't see each other for over a month. But you wouldn't know it from what she said and did. She still followed me around town in her car, still called my workplace, still nagged him constantly about me, still spoke to all my friends trying to get my phone numbers, and still called me all these nasty names day after day after day. It was then that I figured out that she's not your run-of-the-mill ex wife, she's actually literally, certifiably crazy. Lock me up in the nuthouse crazy. She would have known by following me around that I wasn't anywhere near her ex and she still harassed me anyway. So it was at that point that I said "F it, I love him and I can't help it that she's psycho."
She's SOOOO mad lately. Just all the time. Every time BF talks to her, every time she emails, every time she talks on the phone to SS. She used to have the ability to at least seem caring, and sometimes even to focus on the matter at hand and form coherent thoughts without clouding them with her anger...but not anymore. She's just so angry! I can't stand to think of what she's doing to her health and the sanity of everyone around her, especially SS.
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Nymh...
I'm wondering - and if I'm being too nosy, just tell me it's none of my business and I'll shut up - but I'm wondering if you guys have any plans to get married and, if you do, what kind of reaction you'll have to deal with from this woman. She's a scary person.
~ Anne ~
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Actually, we do
He hasn't technically proposed but we've been talking a lot about it lately. We've chosen a date in 2009. As for her reaction, I don't know what will happen. Part of the things she gripes about is that I'm just the whore he shacks with and eventually I will get sick of him and leave or vice-versa...so I don't know what will happen in her unstable mind if that level of permanence is added to our relationship. Furthermore, I don't know what she'll do to SS were that ever to happen.
On the one hand, I don't want to go forward with it knowing that it could open Pandora's box in her brain...but on the other hand I don't think I should be forced to live a subdued life just because she's too unstable to handle reality.
I'm kind of lost as to what to do on that one.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I had the same question
Seems to me married or not her actions are adversely affecting SS to be. Using language like "Whore" or "Bitch" in front of SS is not a bright shining example of how adults should act. Married or not you are still a person with rights. You have the right not to be verbally abused. DH has the right to purchase school things for his child. He DOES have a say so in this child's education. That email should be brought in front of the judge to show that she is keeping BF from any part of his son's education. That is BF's basic rights. Ok so you are not married to BF. So what he has the right to go on with his life. I don't understand why the Judge doesn't throw the book at this woman.
Hopefully...
she's the type of person that would inflict harm to herself and not others. Maybe it will send her right into the insane assylum where she belongs.
In a recent post, you stated that her life is literally falling apart, and if your BM is anything like mine, that is probably why she is so mad lately. Your indifference to her is killing her and it all boils down to old fashioned jealousy...
I am so sorry that you have to go through this week after week...
When I read this
the first thing that came to my mind was the Betty Broderick story... Perhaps BF should take her back to court and fine her each time she uses profane language and have the child support reduced!
What a fruit loop she is,
What a fruit loop she is, getting mad about you doing something nice that might help ss with his education. Of course she can't see it from that point of view because, she just oozes insecurity and jealousy. She wants you to be the stereotypical evil stepmother, and it kills her that you are kind and good to SS. Your ss is 9 right? I can't imagine what this little guy thinks when his Mom turns into a screaming banshee, every time your b/f takes him home. Persephone's Betty Broderick comparison is a very good one. I hope you guys have taken precautions to protect yourselves. This woman sounds like she could snap and turn dangerous on the drop of a dime.
**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**
OMG! What kind of poor
OMG! What kind of poor excuse for a mother objects to ANYONE giving their child a gift of an educational toy! She is one sick individual!!! And the name calling is so immature and a huge indicator of jealousy and insecurity. It's the same way for my SO's ex...she's called me lots and lots of names...never refers to me by my given name...lately, I'm "junkyard dog." It's always something really derogatory. I think she stopped maturing around the 7th or 8th grade, and is still there mentally in every way.
that's just wrong...
It's never-ending with her. What a joke! She's so miserable.
Nymh, I'm sorry. You are so strong to deal with such constant harrassment. She seriously needs to get a life. I'd buy him more educational aides! Hang in there -
I would love to hear what a judges reaction would be to that.
I know our family court system is so messed up, but if only the judges were able to make custody determinations based on the accurate picture of the BM's personality and behaviour they paint themselves when they say stupid nasty things like that. The world would be a better place.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
She is CRAZY !!!
that e-mail sounds threatening and I would take it to the police and get a restraing order on her b/c she does not sound stable at all. In her head she thinks she is right and nothing else will change that. Except jail.
"I wish I could sell her for what she thinks she is worth, I'd be a millionare." HA HA, -insert evil grin here....
RE:
I already have one! lol though you're right, it does sound threatening. I'll just add it to the list of other things she's done lately that I'm bringing to my lawyer. It's like she's just gotten out of control lately...
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Wow, thought of a restraining order too..
My first thought was also to get a restraining order. So, if you already have one, she is breaking it when she follows you in her car. Do save the emails, they are harrasment. Have her arrested any time you can, there has got to be guidlines to this restraining order that she is not following. I would go completely legal on her, scare her into slowing down, if that doesn't work, consider some private protection. But, to me, she doesn't sound "physically" dangerous, she is all bark and no bite, but still, not worth the risk.
Best of luck.
I hope
when you and bf do get married, that something magically just connects her in brain, and she just begins to leave you alone. I know..I know...you all are laughing for that comment...but I am just having wishful thinking for you Nymh.
I've read your posts on here for over a year, and I'm sorry but you sound like the sweetest person that has ever walked the face of the Earth. You are killing this woman with kindness, and I just wish things could be different for you. You have THE most PSYCHO bm on this site, and things could get worse if you and bf get married.
I know when we announced our plans to get married, our bm went nuts, and got married within 3 weeks of our announcement. Like she had to beat us to the punch. Funny thing is, when we announced our plans, she wasn't even dating anyone. Yup, that is right, she went out and found the next sucker in her life, got married, and about 4 months later got divorced. She did it out of spite, and who did it really punish?
Oh, and during that marriage, her husband was ss's "other dad", while I wasn't anything b/c I wasn't "married" to my dh yet. I was just the one at home raising her son while she was at the bars all the time. My ss has memories of me reading to him, while he would say.."my mom is at the bar.."
These women are real nut jobs. I pray for you when you guys really do get married.
Bests,
Candice
I totally agree....
Nymh's BM wins the "most pyscho" award...by far!
Thanks, girls.
It makes me feel good and yet bad at the same time. I feel good because you guys think I'm sweet but I feel bad because I can't help but think that if I had handled things differently, she wouldn't be so far gone. Though I just keep telling myself that her psychosis is not my fault and she was demented before I ever came into the picture. Anyone who walks in unannounced and grabs their husband by the hair while he's naked in the bathtub and says to him, "your very thoughts are mine to know," then walks out without another word is crazy in my book.
One of my catch phrases is "you can't save people from themselves." And this is ultimately true in this case. I've tried so hard to be nice to this woman, to be considerate, to do what I could to make her comfortable...and I'm tired of trying.
I told BF something this evening that came as an epiphany to me. I said, "You know, BM bitches a lot about me...maybe she doesn't realize it, but she has it pretty good. She has a woman in her son's life who cares for him, cooks for him, cleans up after him, supports him, and loves him without expecting thanks, support, or even condolence from her. She should consider herself lucky. If it wasn't me, it would be someone else, and there's no guarantee that the next woman wouldn't be a nightmare on earth. Who else would put up with as much crap as I have and turn the other cheek as I have? She should consider herself lucky...."
I was talking to the girls that I work with today, who have heard even more of this story than you guys have as the years have gone by...and they all told me they couldn't believe how patient and understanding I was. I had five people tell me they would have landed themselves in jail by now from tracking her down and kicking her a$$! On of their exact words were "it would be WORTH a night in jail to kick that bi$^%es a$$!" They even offered to pay her a visit for me in disguise on Halloween night and kick her butt.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
You could be
a manniquin standing in BF's livingroom, and she still would do what she is doing!She would tell your BF "what the hell you got that for..yada yada.... She is a very miserable human being who WANTS everyone around her to be just as miserable as she is! It scares me when you say that she is following you around and HARRASSING you,please do SOMETHING about her, have her ARRESTED.If she is arrested enough times,then your BF would have a really good chance of showing the courts just how unstable she is and be able to get sole custody of his child AND HELP FOR HIS MOM.It just might be the best thing to happen to her,you have to hit rock bottom to be able to go back up!!If she receives the right mental heath care she might be capable of becoming the mother her son deserves!!
Good Luck! (and I thought the EX in our lives was nuts)
hangingin
Of course, we all know...
That this has absolutely nothing to do with education... it's all about BM being insecure about the fact that YOU provided SOMETHING to SS.
Geesh, of all the people that I would swap conditioner for Veet... she'd be the one! Hmmm... maybe food coloring would work better for a 'colorful' personality....
To bad you can't put Drano in her laundry detergent... that would 'clean 'er up'...
To bad you can't do a little creative "rewiring" on her car... like just wire the low beams of the headlights to her car horn, so that any time she's using the low beams, the horn will instantly be honking. Or wire the brake lights to the horn... any time she stepped on the brake, the horn would go off. She sure likes to toot her horn!
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...