BF said that our only problem right now is that we're not married. Even though they were separated for so long, because they've only been divorced for about a year it would be considered "inappropriate" for SS to cohabitate with BF and I in the same home. The lawyer told him that if he does get more custody, and we aren't married then either BF may have to spend the night elsewhere with SS or I may have to leave and sleep elsewhere. Spending time during the day together would be fine, just not while sleeping. They said that if we've already established that BF sleeps either in a different bedroom than me, or with SS, that *might* work. BF and I are currently looking up other legally binding civil circumstances that might be recognized by the state and make it OK, but so far all I've found was about 6000 sites on gay marriage. Nothing against homosexuals, but seriously...can't heterosexual couples have a legally binding relationship that isn't marriage anymore?

They said that with his living arrangements legally changing, the court will *want* to give him more time with his son and for him to pay less support. But, again, the only problem is the marriage situation. With the visitation schedule being up for modification, that also means that BM can submit modifications, and she may push for no overnight visitors or other things that would make things harder on us.

They also said that no judge will say that BM is entitled to call SS dozens of times a day, at all hours of the night, or keep him on the phone for hours at a time while he's with us. When we modify the plan I want it put in there that SS can call BM once a day (or twice at most) if he WANTS to but does not HAVE to, and that she is not to call under any circumstances unless in case of emergency, and it had better be an actual emergency and not "you didn't call me this morning" or "tell me what's in their closets" because if it is we're taking her to court...

They said that while it is technically neglect, unless SS is being abused it will be really hard to get them to give us primary custody. We would probably have to spend a lot of time and money, get SS into counseling and have the counselor testify that he's being mentally abused, establish a stable relationship with him, maybe even have a psych eval ordered on BM or have DCS visit the house. However, even if they do find signs of neglect, it will be hard to get them to give us primary custody because to the state BF does not have a "fatherhood" relationship with SS yet due to being so fresh with visitation and not having overnight visits. The attorney told BF that his first assignment in establishing "fatherhood" is to go to SS's school and have a parent-teacher conference, and find out how he's doing, what he's like in school, if he's withdrawn, social, talkative, quiet, a bully, picked on, etc. Also, that's where the stable environment and relationship comes in. Apparently it's very hard to prove that being a child's mother doesn't automatically make you fit for the role...but I guess I can also understand that they don't want to just dump a kid on this guy who has no idea what it means to be a father either. I just don't think it should be so difficult! BM gets primary custody just on the fact that she's the BM and with no regards to how emotionally stable or how healthy an environment she can provide to SS. Personally if I worked for the state and I heard half of our story I would do whatever I could to ensure that that child is properly taken care of!

Though on that point, I think that BF's mother said it best. If BM spends so much time emailing me and BF and calling us to gripe, calling her attorney, following us around town, emailing all of my friends and asking questions about me and BF...how could she possibly have time to take care of her son? And BF said it really well (if not better) too. If BM can't wash her dishes, pick up trash out of the floor, buy groceries, vacuum, mop, clean the bathroom, cook, do laundry...how is she capable of raising a child?