Baby Steps
Tonight SD8 went home with BM after our first of three 2 week visitations this summer. This is year 5 of SD8's extended summer visitation. The first few days are normally hell and a period we call "detox". BM is in constant PAS mode and with Memorial Day holiday, we had not seen SD8 for 4 weeks. (BM will only allow DH visitation per the court order). Because of this SD8 cried for the first 3 nights because she "missed mommy." After talking to her incessantly, she changed her tune from "I mss mommy" to "mommy is all alone and sad because I'm here with daddy." My response? "That's not your fault and you should not feel guilty or sad about that. Mommy is a grown woman and can choose to be alone and sad while you are gone or she can choose to find some happiness. But that's her choice and not yours and is definitely not your fault." I almost fell over because after that conversation, the tears stopped and didn't come back, until last night. I couldn't imagine why she would be crying the night before she goes home to BM, so I let DH handle this one. Lo and behold, here is what she said. "I don't want to go to sleep because when I wake up it will be my last day with you and I really don't want to go home. I love mommy and want to see her but at Mommy's house, the days seem so long and at your house Daddy, they seem so short. I like being here." Some of you step parents get I Love Yous. Although I'd love to have one of those from this girl, those words she said to her Dad were just as good. We love her and spend every minute the court order allows us to have with her (which isn't near enough), but because of her Mom's PAS behavior, we never thought we'd hear these words. Love it!!!
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How wonderful!