I don't want to get another divorce!!
I know that this site is intended for issues with stepkids, but I have an issue that has stemmed from step kids. I'm not going to tell my whole story, because I think that most of it is in my past blogs, so if you'd like more info check them out. Well, just from the responses that I got to my last blog this may not be a surprise to some of you, but my wife and I are separating. My stepson has moved in with his Dad thank God, but ever since my wife made the decision to send him to his father's house(and she did make the choice, not me) she's changed her story a dozen times as to why she sent him. Originally, it was because she saw all the issues with him and felt that to protect the rest of her family it was necessary, and then it was because he and I didn't get a long and she was afraid that I was going to hurt him(I've never even raised a hand to him other than punching a hole through his bedroom door, but that was my temper getting the best of me) Anyway, then she proceeds to tell me that her son is only screwed up because of my 9 and 10 year old because shortly after we first got together(when the kids were 6 and 7)they went through a rebellious stage because their mother was feeding them a bunch of crap about my wife and I, and how they'd be better off living with her, etc. Anyway, I agree with my wife that my kids were a real handful back then, but no more so than her son has ALWAYS been! And to set the record straight, her son was a mean little bratty punk from the moment they moved in with us. Well, I guess the point of this is that I need some advice because even though all of the crap has been going on, I love my wife with all of my heart, and I need some advice because I feel like I'm going insane. She is in the process of packing, and I'm really having a hard time dealing with it. I can't even imagine her going out and finding somebody else. How do you stop thinking about all of this stuff?!! I just want to crawl under a rock and hide!! If anybody has ANY kind of advice for a guy who's falling apart inside please let me know. I am so sad that I keep crying at the drop of a hat. I usually try not to cry , but I'm just so depressed. Please help me people!! Thank you for listening.
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Have you told HER everything
Have you told HER everything you've said here? Does she want to try? Is she upset about separating? Have ya'll considered marriage counseling?
"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"
Yes I have
I suggested counseling, and she won't go, and I told her that I love her and she says that she loves me too, but she can't put up with the crap anymore. I am so scared of losing her.
Steve Shafer
That's sad...if she's not
That's sad...if she's not even willing to try counseling, I don't know, maybe she's done. You punching a whole in the door is BAD...I'd probably be gone after that too. And it sounds like maybe she's resentful that she sent her son to live with his dad...your previous post said she admitted she would always pick her son first. Does she want him to come back? I know splitting up is hard, but from your posts, this relationship sounds pretty disfunctional. Have you considered solo counseling to try to deal with this and maybe work on the parts you contributed to this split? Maybe a little time apart and self reflection will be good for both of you? Maybe you can take steps on your own to improve yourself and she will see you are making an effort?
"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"
I agree with Melis (AGAIN!|)
Nofear - you've got to tell your wife what you've said here, mainly "I love my wife with all of my heart" and "I can't even imagine her going out and finding somebody else".
Do not be all manly and testosterone-y! Do NOT just stand by and let her leave the house thinking you don't care.
If you really want to make this work, and it sounds as though you do - make an appointment asap to see a counselor.
Words are nice to hear, but actions speak louder.
I agree with the other ladies No Fear
You must TELL her. Communicate to her what you are sharing here and listen to what she has to say. Counseling would probably be very helpful to you both.
Good luck.
Be sure to have some
Be sure to have some understanding what the seperation is for. If its just the period of time before divorce to her then your in tough shape.
If she agrees that its for some time apart, to sort things out and understand what she needs then thats a good thing.
If she isnt saying divorce, give her a little space, then suggest a counselor again. Even if you get together again, you will need help to get things back on track and getting both of you on the same page.
Without it, my marriage would have been done awhile ago. I have hopes it will continue to improve, but I know without our counseling, we wont make it on our own yet.
Good luck
Step familes so hard to learn
For the first time in my life over the last two years I am now a step. It so hard. My DH has raised his child a certain way and I have my ways. Its so tempting to say their my kids and none of your business. The truth is nothing matters but your children when they are growing up but the guilt will always be there and kids can cause the most heart ache. I love my DH but my children will always be first, However that being said I know that my children will be in my life a short time and then it will be just me and my DH. Children leave as soon as they can take care of themselves. She is probably feeling very guilty about him leaving to live with his father. She probably feels like a bad mother and is looking to point a finger at someone else.
If she is feeling so distraught and gulity about it no amount of coaxing will work. She will need to come to terms with it on her own. She may need time. If she does not the she will be buried in the guilt forever and you made need to move on.
i feel the same way
my sitch ain't great with the SKs and my own kids. i love my DH to pieces, but my kids are number 1. in a few short years, they will be gone and my DH can have me all to himself.
~it's all fun and games til someone loses an eye...