Oh crap, here we go
I just spent just over 24 hours with SD15 - I met her on the way home to NC, stayed a night at my mom's and dropped her off at camp. We had a lot of fun talking and shopping and giggling - this is not about her. This is about BM.
BM is getting nastier and nastier. From throwing away almost everything we give SD15 (NEVER anything inappropriate) to include family photos, to physically abusing SD15 and encouraging her husband to do the same under the guise of discipline, to making nasty comments about "if you do that, someone will think you're some dyke in the military" (I'm in the military) to demoting DH and I to "my EX-husband and his WIFE." (said with a sneer)
DH is fed up. He wanted to write her an email chewing her out. I think I managed to convince him to cut it down to simple statements (demands) such as, "You will stop throwing away our personal gifts to SD15." "You will never again use a belt on our daughter." "You will never again allow your husband to touch our daughter in anger." No emotional words, no raving, nothing that could be used against us in court. NOTHING about her nastiness toward us, just about how she's treating SD15.
BM will FLIP. She will blow his phone UP. He is currently driving across the country, and he doesn't need this. He has Google Voice, so he can let it go to VM, and the audio gets delivered to his email, but I want him to wait 48 hours until he's home so we can get some recording equipment set up. I want to warn SD15 that her mother is about to go over the edge - right now she's at camp, so unreachable by us OR by BM, but she CAN call either of us. I want to be there for moral support, and DH won't get home until LATE tonight or early tomorrow. We need a lawyer to deal with this. BM is going to assume we are kidnapping SD15 (we're not) and may try to get a restraining order. She has sworn to bankrupt herself and her husband to prevent us from "taking SD15 away" when SD15 WANTS to come live with us.
Argh! Save me from a fed up man who is going about this the wrong way!
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Um, many states allow a child
Um, many states allow a child to choose which parent they will live with when they reach a certain age. I seem to recall in my situation it was 12 or 13 years old. Is it possible for you and DH to take the XW back to court to modify the custody agreement since SD can say who she'd rather live with? Get that lawyer, SD doesn't deserve what BM is doing to her.
In written law, no, you are
In written law, no, you are correct that there is no law anywhere that gives a minor child this power.
Defacto, yes, most judges will let the child choose where he or she wants to live.
In six months to a year, we
In six months to a year, we will have gathered enough "horse's mouth" evidence to prove that BM and her DH are verbally and physically assaulting SD15. Until then, it's up to a judge. Louisiana is VERY pro-CP, and I'm afraid that despite SD15's wishes, she'll be forced to stay with BM.
DH slept on it, and did not hit send. We'll take a trip to Radio Shack tomorrow, and get some recording equipment. SD15 sent me an email, so I can warn her of the possible fall-out. One of the reasons we haven't said anything to BM before now is to save SD15 an undeserved ass-chewing or possible beating. Hopefully BM will calm down enough before we have to send SD15 back to her.