O/T Long but just need to get this out
This may ramble and be long sorry...DH and I separated for about a month during the holidays, we worked through some stuff, low and behold we are having issues again. Long story short our issues came from my mood swings, the fact I couldn't let go of all the hurt and anger I had from when we were seperated. He thinks it's all his fault, I think it's all my fault. He says there has been to much damage done and we won't be able to move past these things. I still think we can, but if he doesn't want to try, go to counseling, whatever it takes to save our marriage I can't fight him on it anymore. He's still home, sleeping on the couch. We were going to continue our talk Tueday night but one thing after another happened with his work and he didn't get home until late so I said to myself one way or another we'll talk Wednesday. Well Wednesday rolls around and his stepdad who has cancer is now in his final days, they are bringing him home from the hospital with hospice care today. DH and his stepdad are pretty close and DH is very upset, we all are. His stepdad is a great man. Anyway, I feel like a total b!$^&@ for saying this but, I can't continue to stay in the house with my DH if our marriage is truly over, seeing his face, knowing how much I love him and want to be with him if he doesn't. But I can't leave or ask him to leave with things the way they are with his stepdad. I can't just walk away and leave him in so much pain over this. I can't not be there for my MIL and the rest of the family during such a hard time. Despite what DH and I are going through I love these people, they are family still. I want more than anything for my marriage to work but I can't keep going if he doesn't want to. I just want to scream and cry and crawl in a hole all at the same time. HELP!!!!!!!!
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It sounds like you love him
It sounds like you love him very much - that is what is important. I know you need to talk through your issues, but right now during this very difficult time maybe the best thing to do is comfort him. Tell him you don't want him to sleep on the couch, you want him in bed with you so you can hug him and help him through this time. Be there for him emotionaly now, and when the time is right he will know that the most important thing to you was being there for him when he needed you most, and he will reciprocate and try therapy or some other way to work through your issues.
Please hold on until after
Please hold on until after this painful time for your DH is over. You might want to consider some counseling for yourself, even if he doesn't go. It will still do you good one way or the other.
(((Hugs)))
(((Hugs)))