Why is it always poor skids?
I get frustrated at hearing how skids are so deprived. Yes, parents split up and things will never be the same but how does making them feel bad/sorry for them help remedy the situation? Shouldn't ppl have the approach of, hey now you have 2 sets of families that love you. Yes its sad that you can't be around both parents 100% of the time but see the positives!!! What kind of kids are we going to bring up if were always being sympathetic and enforcing the "poor me." Perhaps I'm tough but if I give the skids time to adjust from house to house, and I contribute to their well being, I'm not going to feel sorry for them for having an additional person (me) who loves and takes care of them, takes them out and buys them things. Damn right I expect respect and a good attitude. And yes I know you didn't choose the situation but don't blame me for your parents decisions. And you don't get to treat me rotten because mommy and daddy suck together. Appreciate that there is a stable environment with peace now. What's worse? Fighting and dischord or peace and harmony? SPs are ppl too. Its an adjustment for everyone. I just happen to see how spoiled skids can be, mine included, because everyone feels so bad for them and as if they are deprived, when in fact, there's so much more to gain... And why isn't this being talked about? Why isn't this benefit being shown? Sometimes kiddos need this brought too their attention... My parents are divorced... Been so for a year. All my siblings age ranging 24-5 years old understand things are over. We all desire stability and love for our parents. They are sad things didn't turn out and have their emotional tiffs but accept and appreciate the love and effort of another human being entering the family.
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Comments
Agreed-it is the bio parents
Agreed-it is the bio parents that promote this attitude. I have nevver felt sorry for my ss because his parents are divorced. I have always told him the above about how lucky he is that he has so many people to love him. But it doesnt matter how often I say it if bm and dh are always giving him the message that he is to be pitied.
Agreed-it is the bio parents
Agreed-it is the bio parents that promote this attitude. I have nevver felt sorry for my ss because his parents are divorced. I have always told him the above about how lucky he is that he has so many people to love him. But it doesnt matter how often I say it if bm and dh are always giving him the message that he is to be pitied.
agree 100%
agree 100%
My SK's have been hearing
My SK's have been hearing this "poor you, poor me" stuff for years. I told my DH that's bullpuckey. They've been holding onto the COD stuff for 13 years now, when are they gonna let it go? Both bio parents are remarried, and the SK's are almost old enough to be on their own. For heavens' sake, get over it. When I hear the crap about poor them, they only get to see DH on the weekends (although they only live 10 min away), their mom doesn't do this, doesn't do that, blah blah blah it makes me nauseous.
This came up in a discussion a couple weeks ago. My DH said they need to be treated differently because, gosh, look at all they've had to go thru in their short 15 year lives. I told him that was freaking hilarious, as I'd think if anyone needed to be treated differently and coddled it would be my kids -- they only have one parent *living*; it's not like they get to visit with their dad on the weekends.
And DH knows how I feel about throwing that fact around, simply because I have always taught my kids that life sometime sucks and it's not always fair. What happened to our family happened. There's nothing that can be done about it, nor will they be allowed to use it as a crutch so that their bad behaviors will be forgiven or overlooked. I won't allow this to become such a focus in their lives that they are consumed by it.
Exactly! My two oldests
Exactly! My two oldests father is also deceased and has been since they were very little. I dont feel sorry for them. It was a bad thing that happened but I dont focus on it or let it affect how I treat them or how they act. My dh argued with me that what my ss went thru was worse (his parents divorced). I am not sure how a dead parent is better than one you see eowe, half the summer, half the holidays and get hugs, love, presents from?
IMO, we ALL have some sort of difficult situation to face as children and adults-for some it is the divorce of our parents, the death of a parent, illness, a learning disability, I could go on and on. Bad shit happens to all of us at some point or another-we must learn to go on and hopefully learn some coping skills along the way that will help us to be successful in life. The sad thing about these kids is that noone else is going to give them this extra special treatment-their employer, college professor, lover is not going to give a rat's patootie if they are a child of divorce they are just going to expect them to act appropriately.
I'm tired of hearing that
I'm tired of hearing that excuse too. There are so many kids out there with divorced parents these days...Sadly it is a very common thing. We don't need to treat this kids any differently than children whose parents are still married. Overcompensating leads to a spoiled and ungrateful child!
Ah ye olde "child of divorce"
Ah ye olde "child of divorce" card. Funny how some of these kids conveniently tuck said card away when they're on the receiving end of TWO sets of birthday presents, parties, Christmas presents, vacations etc.
We should start feeling sorry
We should start feeling sorry for the kids whose parents AREN'T divorced!! It's such a rarity nowadays!
Poor kid w/ intact families! No guilty daddy spending, no two holidays, birthdays, sets of families to give, GIVE, GIVE till it HURTS!
No extra opportunities to manipulate and play one parent against the other, taking FULL advantage over warring parents!
No mandatory "pay for college or ELSE"
No extra opportunities to put CPS on speed dial and call at every opportunity when daddykins doesn't pony up that money for skydiving lessons.
No special excuses for bad grades, poor behaviour, rotten eating habits, etc.