I'm trying to be smart. Why is it so scary?
I wish I had someone to walk through this with me...
I have gone to see a prenatal specialist who arranged an appointment with a social worker. I explained the exact situation to the specialist who used to work in a domestic violence division and she said me pushing, was not DV. I'll be visiting with the social worker to figure out my next move. 12/13 hour drive to Phoenix is a long one to make alone and it sounds as if my mom may not be able to come here after all. I'm scared, I'm exhuasted and I'm so incredibly confused.
I feel stupid for rushing into this.
And I'm terrified of being a single mother. This is the farthest thing that I could ever have wanted. It isnt' for selfish reasons, I just wanted the most stable, comfortable environment that I could for my child.
I can't help but look up at God and ask why... why in all of 6 years that I had an ex husband and a couple relationships with men who would at least provide monitarily... instead I go with the pauper who made big promises of greatness. Why did I have to have an oops now? Just let me know the reason at least. Was it to grow? Was it to experience what my mother had experienced with me?
As I'm trying to emotionally separate, my mind is reaming with thoughts of what am I going to do with myself? I finally have some jobs coming in and I may have to move? I can't help of think of the isolation I'm feeling, unsupported and scared.
Embarrassed because at the age of 26 I'm already divorced once because when I was 20 I had no idea what the heck marriage meant. I was still a child then! I Really took my time getting to know this one albeit rushed into marriage... what would my dad say? He gets fed up with me. Especially since I'm an adult. He's the one who lives in AZ with my 3 younger sisters... my mom and he have been divorced for about 2 years and she's looking for a new place to live.
I feel like such a pity party when I do this. But I just can't help it, especially when I think what's going to happen to me and the baby. If it was just me in this, it's one thing, but now I have an unborn child and that's the hardest, scariest part.
- MrsFitMama's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
It just happened. and you
It just happened. and you know what?
You will be ok. You will be ok. Just keep telling yourself, you will be ok.
Its scary because its the unknown. Better the devil you know then the devil you don't. This is why many people don't change. But you need to.
You make that drive, check in with your mom on occasion so she knows the drive is going well. You will make it there. Just go.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You lived and you are learning.
You will find jobs there. The important thing, no matter what I've gone through in life, the one important thing is that you have social support. You NEED people to emotionally support you right now. GO to them and don't look back.
Good luck please be safe and keep us posted.
I've learned through some of
I've learned through some of my trials and tribulations that everything happens for a reason. It may not be immediately apparent to you -- maybe in a week, a month, or a year you will look back and say, "Now I know why that happened; because of that, I'm now here."
Trust me, I've been through some pretty bad life events. Some of them I thought I'd never get through. But I did. And you will too because whether you know it or not you are a strong person and this will reveal that true strength to you. Just keep your eyes focused and keep looking ahead. Don't look back.
I'm a bit scared I'm going to
I'm a bit scared I'm going to slip back into this. I can't travel right now which sucks. I can feel my body fatigued. I'm trying to stay disengaged as well. As far as I'm concerned, he has no concern for me, therefore no concern for him. I feel like it's me and the baby against him.
I'll figure it out eventually. In the mean time I'm working at emotionally detatching.