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now that we have our own child, even more bitter about support

Mrs Katch 22's picture

anyone else feel this way? in no way in hell does it cost the amount bm is getting in support to raise that kid. I wish we can give that much to our own child every month. I'm counting down the years until support is over.

I wouldn't in my life trade my life for bm's though - as messed up as it sounds, we can offer our child a loving home with two parents. With SD, ,we can show her what a healthy adult relationship should be; her mother is incapable of doing that.

Comments

anabihibik's picture

Was your child support reduced when you had your child? When FH and I have kids, if he's still paying CS by then, it will be reduced. In Colorado, all of his children are entitled to an equal share of his CS.

To every thing there is a season.

Sita Tara's picture

It does reduce with more bio kids. Not Sk's though (which is stupid in my opinion, because a lot of SPs are financially supporting them.)

So I would ask your atty.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

smurfy1smile's picture

I would check too. In MN, having another child is not enough of a reason to get child support reduced.

smurfy1smile's picture

I would check too. In MN, having another child is not enough of a reason to get child support reduced. In a way, I can understand because a NCP could have several more kids and the ex would eventually get nothing or next to it. In MN, the max new bio kids is 2 in figuring support.

Mrs Katch 22's picture

they only really care about the first kid with BM. now that DH makes more, even though we do have our own kid....she might get more...

sigh, on top of the lack of slep and tiredness a newborn has on a relationship....add the stepkid and bm.......UGH, ma
kes you just want to run far far away (with the baby).

Gmama's picture

I hear all you women talk about how un-fair all this stuff is, and believe me i'm right there with you,, The differance is my husband and I don't have any children together, and my children collected SS benifits when ther father died. I did what many moms should do with there CS.( but don't) so much of my kids checks went in the bank,and so much to raise them each month, I had to giggle,at one point my SS BM told my husband that there son will not go with out, she's so stupid she really thinks HE'S supporting MY children, my daughter should have a huge chunk of her college paid for by the time shes 18. anyways I don't know what it's like to have my children go with out because of my husbands CS payments, we'll see who the better parent is and how much SHE has saved for SS when he is 18??????????????

StepG's picture

that she has with her boyfriend and H and I will get credit when we have a child. I live in TN and we do income shares model and the credit that either party gets comes off of their monthly income that can be counted.

northernsiren's picture

I understand, we are putting off having a child together b/c of CS payments. I don't want my child to do without b/c of BM, and that DOES make me angry....

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

Mrs Katch 22's picture

but how many more years do you have until it's over? you may resent your SK even more if you DON'T have a baby. I felt the same way but refused (sometimes this works) to let a screwed up past affect our present and future. I'm thinking this way about having a second baby in a few years...some part of me doesn't want my daughter's sibling to be created from something half evil (bm) Smile

kathleen's picture

I have learned that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
–Henry David Thoreau

bellacita's picture

my FH and i want to start our family rite after we get married but this does bother me alot bc im worried how we will afford it. rite now, we cant even afford all of our bills, he wouldve lost the house if we werent together and both contributing. i dont see how courts can do this...AND he has a son that he has full custody of and no one cares if HE can be supported! BM gets $700 a month and he only makes $50k a year...BEFORE TAXES. its so unfair. our baby will never be able to have $700 a month spent on him/her.

its hard not to be resentful, especially when the skids are very materialistic and never pleased until they have more, more, more.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

StepAbove's picture

really stepped up to the plate on this. There were bills he was ordered to pay in the DD, CS, Insurance, and all the extras. When he found out I was pregnant he took her right back to court. Now all we pay is CS and half of the insurance. I do try to take her out for school stuff each year, and do a few extra's for her. But nothing like what we did before the baby came.

On the flip side. It always pisses me off to think about how much we give for her, when she is with us half of the time, and my son gets money but we still spend more on her! It does drive me crazy.

Chel Bell's picture

when he was first ordered to pay CS , was dumfounded by the amount, and asked the judge how he was supposed to live /support himself with that amount going out each month, Answer, "I don't care.....get a second job! " That of course made no sense, as they would take out of that too. My DH , knowing this, said that to the judge, Answer, " Too bad!!!!" I kid you not. "~waiting on the world to change~"

frustratedinMA's picture

What about in RI?? does anyone know if a new child would reduce CS??

bellacita's picture

it does reduce, but the reduction really is minimal and no where near what the CP gets in Cs for their child. for example, when my FH went to court over SD, he got a $200 credit for his son that lives w him FULL TIME. AND they took it out of the TOTAL support obligation, so he really only even got a 70% discount on that.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

LVmyBOXERS's picture

I am due with our first child in 45 days. I try not to think about it because it just makes me sick. Even with daycare, I'll never spend the same amt on my son as he pays in cs. But we only have 2.5 years left on SD and about 6.5 on SS. I am going to throw a party when that last payment goes out. But, my son will get to see both his parens everyday. He will be raised in a loving, wonderful home that is not full of total chaos. He gets to know what kind of daddy he really has instead of what a mentally unstable person has molded his mind to think. I think that is worth more than money. Don't get me wrong, if the money was here, life would be much, much easier. He is a very lucky little boy to have the kind of daddy and role model he has. I did good!

Mrs Katch 22's picture

when I get depressed about how much we have to pay to see SD. I even calculated how much each day he pays to her....or even how much it costs to see her every visitation day. I'd rather pay the money or a little more (gasp) to NOT have to deal with them. I have a spreadsheet that calculates/counts down how much and how many more payments there are. I try to think of it as paying off a luxury car that was totaled and we didn't have ful coverage insurance for Smile