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What makes you stay?

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Thu, 05/08/2014 - 7:24am

We all have had so much taken from us and have had to compromise so much.
We have sacrificed our homes, our privacy, money, time, personal space and sanity. We are tired, overworked, underpaid, underappreciated and not given the respect we deserve at times. We are all on here venting about this or that and are collectively ready to jump off a bridge at times.

So my question is.....What makes you stay? What makes all of this crap that we take worth it for you?
Not just, oh I love DH. What specifically?

For me, its a collection of things. SO is kind, generous, loving and can make me laugh like nobody's business. Sure we have our problems, as does everyone, but ive never felt so compatible with someone before. We are complete opposites but we are perfect for each other and balance each other. We ground each other. It just makes sense.
I'll put up with 4 days of hell a month to be with him anyday Smile

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askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Thu, 05/08/2014 - 7:43am

I don't want to hijack your blog, but I need to share a little story to answer this question. A few months ago one of my bios got hurt. It wasn't the fall off your bike kind, but it wasn't anything that involved major surgery either, just an accident that left him swollen, crying and bleeding. When this happened my YSD- who has a tendency to be a bit of a bully- was crying because she was so worried about bio. She was right there helping get ice, turned on his favorite show, got his favorite stuffed animal etc. None of this was manipulative, she wasn't looking to see if she had an audience while doing this, she just genuinely was worried about him.

A few weeks ago YSD got hurt pretty bad. The kids were playing hide and seek and her finger got stuck. She started screaming/crying and DH and I ran in to help her. Once we got her un-stuck, DH was trying to calm her down and I looked over and my bio was in tears. I asked him if he was hurt too and he said no, that he was just really worried about her.

These were big moments for DH and I. It has changed our perspectives a lot. Blending families has been hard. It has been such a challenge from the little things all the way up to the high conflict court drama/financial aspects etc. At the end of the day though, DH and I love each other and our kids have formed a bond that I could never live with myself for separating or undoing. (I do attribute a lot of this to their ages when DH and I met, they were very young) Step families are unnatural and with that comes a dynamic that takes extra effort and work but you know what... DH's and my previously nuclear families were pretty "unnatural" too so sometimes I wonder if it's a crap shute either way.

I stay because even though the bumps are difficult and few people understand, the blessings have triumphed.

rainbow bright83's picture

Submitted by rainbow bright83 on Thu, 05/08/2014 - 11:06am

I stay because all in all my DH is my best friend. He makes sure that our children are taken care of. He's very caring and loving. I still dream of the "perfect" family (my version is peace and no drama). I want my BS10, DS7, and DD6 to have a 2 parent household. And I stay because I still have a lot of FIGHT left in me.

I have never been married before and I am his second wife. So let me tell you the drama and b.s that have came with him was, and at times still is, overwhelming.

But believe me we have talked about separating before. I told him that once our memories go from good to mostly bad I'm calling it quits. I don't want to have the majority of my memories be bad ones.