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Can't handle this

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Thu, 03/27/2014 - 10:36am

Lately I have been constantly stressed. My stomach is constantly in knots, I feel sick to my stomach, my body aches, and just cant relax in general.

I don't know how to stop it. Most of the stress comes from SD13. I try to not let things get to me, and I try to let SO handle most of the parenting but everything she does stresses me out whether I have to deal with it or not. I get stressed just thinking about her coming to our house this weekend. I try and ignore her behavior but it doesn't work. Example, she leaves her dishes all over the house. I either leave them there until SO picks them up, or I ask her or SO to pick them up, but it still stresses me out that I even have to ask. If she talks back or lies to her dad I ignore it because its not my problem but it still gets to me.

How do you guys not stress about everything? It used to be that I was only on edge when she was at our house and would be fine as soon as she left, but now things are getting worse with her and I stress about it when she's not even around. I know I need to just let everything go and relax and do things for myself but I just cant, no matter how hard I try. I just feel like its all going to come to a head soon and I'm going to have some sort of meltdown.....

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B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Thu, 03/27/2014 - 10:48am

It is hard to ignore rude behavior from anyone, especially a snot-nosed teenager (I have 2 teenage bios and 2 teenage SK's so... yeah).

As far as the messes, I used to get stressed about them too. And I noticed I was the *only* one stressed about it. So I turned the tables. Yes, I wished every moment that my DH would "see" the messes (empty soda cans, food left out, etc) but for some people it's just not in their genetic make-up, my DH being one of them. So I'd be pissed off twice - once at the SK's for leaving their trash behind (they knew the expectations) and again for DH being blind to it. So I just pulled up my shorts and started pointing it out to DH, and kindly asked him to clean up.

Did he get mad at me for asking? Sure, at first. Then I asked him WHO he was mad at; me, for asking him to clean up after HIS kids, or his kids for blatantly leaving behind messes and expecting someone else to pick up after them? But I knew if I kept up with it he'd get frustrated and hold his kids accountable. It took a while, but it worked.

It's difficult to welcome someone into your home who causes chaos and stress. So push that off onto the ONE PERSON who should be dealing with it -- your husband.