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SD's 5th grade graduation & other events - VENT

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 3:38pm

SD11 is graduating from 5th grade this week and I just plain out don't want to go to the ceremony. Is that bad? And YES, I DO think I would feel differently if she were my BD or even if we had a special SM-SD bond, but she's not, and we don't. At this point I just feel like its yet another event of SDs that I am expected to attend and sit through just because I'm married to her father.

I DO feel SO BAD for feeling this way, but it is simply how I feel. I am just SO TIRED of feeling like I HAVE to go to her events, and there is ALWAYS SOMETHING! H goes to all her stuff, which I think is GREAT because he's her dad, but SD's own BM picks and chooses which events she's going to attend, so why can't I? We don't go pick up SD and BM every time my BS has a event!

Ugh! I just don't get it. Why is there even a such thing as a 5th grade graduation? Is that even such an achievement given that you have no choice but to move on to 6th grade? (I mean, even if you get held back, eventually ALL 5th graders go to 6th grade, not like high school where you can drop out and never graduate.) Some schools even have pre-school and kindergarten graduation which I think I might be more interested in going to just for the "cute" factor alone whether for SKs or BKs, but 5th grade?

I don't know. I'm just tired of putting on the fake smile while watching the clock waiting for these events to be over and sometimes they last for hours. If that makes me an evil SM then I guess so be it. Its just how I feel.

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mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Mon, 06/14/2010 - 8:01pm

Actually H & I have had this very conversation in the past & he agreed!

Regardless, I totally understand why he wants to go (He should go in my opinion), I just wish he could understand why I would NOT want to go, as he knows I don't have the "motherly" bond with SD.

Anyway, I'm not going. The brainiacs at the school scheduled the ceremony at 10am on Thursday, & since I am the primary breadwinner in this house, he certainly understands when I say I have to go to work.

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 6:24pm

Yes, she is going to middle school. Her dad, mom, sister & baby brother (our BS1) will be there. I will be at work, but since I've never attended any of her other school events (just a bunch of community, church & extra curricular stuff - like soccer!) I'm sure I won't be missed.

bioandstep2009's picture

Submitted by bioandstep2009 on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 12:53pm

I stopped attending SS's extra curricular events for a few of reasons. They were all day events outside with lots of waiting around, my own DD11 had practices of her own that I had to do the drop off/pick up for, some of his events were a couple hours drive out of town but I mostly stopped because I honestly had no interest anymore. I did at first, but after a year of watching him NOT try and give a half ass effort, I lost interest. Also, I don't have that motherly bond with him for lots of reasons (his bad behavior, emotional issues, personality, his mother's actions and things she's said to undermine our family unit, his hurtful actions etc). I just don't think that I should be forced to go just to keep up appearances. His mother ought to be in attendance and she chooses not to go so why should I?

As for "graduations" like this? I wouldn't really want to go but I would kinda have to else DH would be upset with me. SS would wonder why I wasn't but so long as BM was there, I don't think he'd wonder about my absence for more than a minute.

jccomehere's picture

Submitted by jccomehere on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 12:58pm

I'm right there with you. BFs kids had graduation this year S4, from pre-school, I flat out refused to go because I hate his troll of a mother and D11 from 5th grade, the school only gave each student 3 tix to that event so I dodged that bullet! But I don't feel you HAVE to attend all of these events...its too much!

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 6:57pm

*UPDATE*: SD told H she "has to go straight home after the ceremony" (translation: no celebratory meal with family which she was right to assume would take place.) Reason? She has plans to go to lunch with her friends, of course none of them drive & BM didn't know anything about it, so I guess she assumed she didn't need permission to go or transportation to & from this lunch either?

So now I'm really glad I'm not going. H & our poor BS1 will probably sit there for hours just for the 5 minutes it takes to say SD's name & watch her walk across the stage and that's it. Wow. That sounds like alot of fun. I think there's a reason graduations should only be for high school & college - real milestones after which your destiny becomes your own.

mommylove's picture

Submitted by mommylove on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 8:29pm

Well I ended up going to the graduation afterall because I felt like I HAD to, but of course since I'm not a very good actress I'm sure H regretted guilting me into going the minute we got there.

Oh don't get me wrong, I put on the fake smile as always for SD's sake, but I barely said 2 words to H on the way there & home, so if I'm lucky he just won't invite me anymore.

It was exactly what I thought it would be like - basically watching paint dry & sad. I mean seriously unless you completely failed (& who fails in elementary school?) EVERYONE in 5th graduates to 6th/middle school, so not much of an "achievement" in my opinion. One minute to get her diploma & 1.5 hours of watching the same group of children recieve award after award for academic &/or athletic achievement, a group SD was NOT a member of, so we just sat there.

Wow, this really is SS all over again!