Ok, ladies. I did something that I regret, and I am not sure how to handle it.

Ancient history: I have been married to my DH for 7+ years. We have DD2. I moved to his country when we got married. He has MIL and SIL who live in the same city we do, and who are so joined at the hip they are practically conjoined twins. He also has FIL, who is currently living in the Phillipines with his new partner, and who calls MIL and SIL on the phone at least once per week. In comparison, FIL calls DH maybe once every couple of months.

More recent history: MIL and SIL are best friends, like, almost creepy. They'd be roommates but SIL got her own apartment, mostly (IMO) so that she could have a cat. She goes to MIL's every day after work, hangs out, has dinner, then goes home to sleep unless she stays over. She's 35. As an example of what is (IMO) their creepy-closeness, when SIL got pregnant (she's doing IVF as a single woman - that's a whole 'nother ball game), I mentioned how happy I was with my doula (pre-natal care here sucks). My MIL told me that I only went with a doula because my mother wasn't in the same country to support me through my pregnancy/delivery.

I am here to tell you that I can't imagine *wanting* my mother to be my support during my delivery. Nor can I imagine my mother being interested either. And certainly I can't imagine my mom and I both EXPECTING to be together while I give birth. Just sayin'.

My own baggage: My own parents had major flaws which left me feeling rejected and insecure. That feeling carries through into my adult life in funny ways, which often surprise me. I am aware of it, but often not in the moment.

The situation: MIL and SIL babysat DD2 overnight this past weekend. We expected they would return DD or ask us to pick her up sometime between 10am and 3pm. We didn't hear anything until 4pm. MIL texted DH that they had ordered a pizza and were going to pick it up at 5, so could we pick DD up at 5.30 after they all eat.

I felt irritated and excluded (my own drama, plus they'd spent the day on a family visit I wish I had been included on but actually I couldn't have made it so I was working on sucking it up lol). So I asked DH to ask if we could just join them for pizza. At 5.30 they said they had already ordered the pizza and were just getting it now so we couldn't come, but could we get DD at 6 instead.

I got really angry, because I was hurt. Again, my own baggage, feeling rejected etc etc. While DH was talking to me about it, he said something along the lines of he doesn't know why 'they' are the way they are, he wishes they were more open to have a relationship with him, but he accepts that they are not. So now I am furious. First, how dare anyone make my DH feel less than wonderful. Second, I feel guilty for treating DH like he's made of stone when it comes to his family. All the stuff that bothers me? Of course it hurts him too.

So now here's what I did that I regret. I sent my MIL a text. I told her I though it was very unkind that she and SIL excluded DH and I from dinner, that a pizza order can easily be changed so that DH could join them, and that I think it's very sad that she and SIL are not open for a relationship with DH.

MIL had a reply (surprise!). She explained why the pizza that day wouldn't work, but mostly she was all angry that I drew that conclusion and resentful that I said something via text. (Keep in mind this all took place in my 3rd language).

Between the time I sent my text and got the one from MIL, I knew I'd made a mistake. I think it's wrong to interfere in someone else's relationship (DH and MIL). The same things piss me off, I also feel excluded etc, but that's not what I addressed in my text.

I also realized, my text was probably quite confrontational. But, TBH, I feel like I either suck things up and act like a doormat, or I come across as very confrontational because I'm angry about something. I don't know what I can do/say in the middle-ground there, even though the middle ground has got to be full of options.

Since then I've seen MIL briefly twice, and I've just acted like nothing happened. Tomorrow, unless they don't show up, I expect MIL and SIL to both come over to take DD swimming like they do every week.

How can I handle this? I want to talk about it, but I don't want to be aggressive or avoidant... and so far, that's all I know how to do.