Got myself backed into a corner...
They say hind sight is 20/20..well boy is it ever.
I failed to protect myself financially when it came to the remarriage and DH paying CS.
To make a long story short when DH and BM divorced they settled out of court through Family Justice with their own agreement. BM had a much larger income so it was decided that DH would pay a reduced amount of CS in lieu of the alimony payment she would have to pay him. He gave her full decision making authority of both kids (12 and 17 at the time). He felt that the kids could decide where they wanted to live (which was with BM) and he had visitation whenever SDs wanted. DH took a large chunk of the bills they had together and BM remortgaged their home so she could keep it for herself and the girls.
Fast forward..DH and I are together and married. I never really put any thought into the ramifications of DH not paying full amount of CS and what could happen if BM wanted to change the agreement.
So here we are today...DH and I have a house together, a car, a consolidation loan that resulted from his portion of the debt from his divorce, plus other bills. Our bank accounts are joint and we have both our names on everything. We pay the agreed CS amount every month..never late DH does rides, attends functions, a part of his kids lives as much as he can (they are 15 and 20 now).
SD20 graduated High School in June 2014 and flunked out of University in January of 2015. She has been working at a local grocery store since, living at home with BM. SD15 also resides with BM.
BM wants more CS, which technically she is entitled to. Because of the out of court agreement that DH made regarding alimony and CS.and us now being married, we could end up paying full amount for SD15, and maybe for SD20 as she is planning on going back to college in September. SD 20 and SD15 ask for things outside of the CS. We just can't afford to give any more. Example..SD20 is off work for two weeks..says she can't pay her phone bills.
It is very possible that we may have to sell our house..or worse..lose everything. I know in my head that I agreed to this but I feel cheated that I may lose everything. Those two SDs have the newest phones, latest brand name cloths, the best of everything. SD20 has worked full time living home for free. And BM keeps saying that she has been struggling financially and emotionally trying to support her two kids.
I'm struggling financially...I don't buy new cloths...I cut my own hair and DH's. I don't buy what I want when I want it. I resent DH for his agreement and not looknig forward to what could happen to both of us. I resent those two kids because they keep asking for things from us that we cannot afford. We pay the CS and don't have any extra to give!
Is it petty to resent two kids..most definitely. But there it is.
I am the evil Step mom.
- MineAndYours's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Have you run a calculator to
Have you run a calculator to see how much you would be paying? With alimony as an offset, it might not be as bad as you're afraid it would be. And are you bound in the decree to continue supporting the 20 year old?
I'd think if the court order
I'd think if the court order changes that doesn't affect SD20. She is already aged out.
It might not be as bad as you think, especially if BM has a good job. Try one of the online support calculators, just to get an estimate.
In most places CS is
In most places CS is calculated off income of the bio parents I think, so although you have joint finances and your personal financial information may end up coming up in court ( though many redact the step parents information) only your husbands income will be taken into consideration along side bm's information. As the others above I would be surprised if he had to pay anything for sd20 as she dropped out of college.
Read up on the laws where you are, re read the child support order from back to front and if needed to and see a lawyer for advice.
You're in Canada, right?
You're in Canada, right?
the idea of having to pay
the idea of having to pay CHILD support for a 20 year old makes me want to vomit, where do you live that you have to do that?
It sounds to me like your
It sounds to me like your biggest problem is DH saying "no". There is no reason a 20 year old working full time, living rent free should have a problem paying a what? $50.00 phone bill?? He needs to let her get her phone shut off and then maybe she'll learn to manage her money more appropriately.
And I agree with Lady... once a divorce has gone to court, both parties had legal representation, and judge signed, the decree is all but set in stone... I am not a lawyer, but I was told this by a lawyer.
But CS is regularly revised
But CS is regularly revised in many cases due to time (I read every 3 years a lot) or changes in circumstances including changes in income. I think that op is worried BM will get a review of CS amount.
The agreement didn't go to
The agreement didn't go to court. Here in Canada you can go to Family Justice..without a judge and create an agreement. That's what they did.
Technically the alimony should have been paid for 9 years. But since he remarried to me I am not sure if he is even entitled to it. The difference in salaries is BM makes (this is three years ago..when the agreement was made) 93,000 and DH makes 43,000. She took over the house and he took the debt outside of the mortgage.
Right now..until our consolidation loan is paid off (2020)our extra cash flow is pretty much non existent.
I am trying really hard to be objective and look at it from BM point of view..she is the mother and wants the best for her kids..and so does DH..don't get me wrong. AND I realize that I am the one who signed up for this..doesn't make it any easier to swallow in face of losing everything though.
Thanks for listening to the vent everyone!
Agreed. The alimony
Agreed. The alimony offsetting the CS is now a nonissue since your DH is remarried. But there shouldn't be any CS for a non-student 20 year old, and your income most likely won't count into the CS calcs. So the hit may not be nearly as bad as you think.
As far as kids asking for things beyond the CS - you've got two options. Either develop a realistic budget of how much you can afford to spend on them per month and get DH to agree, or separate finances. Set up separate bank accounts and divide joint expenses. Then if he has no money left for skids extras that's too bad.