Ah, well I don't have to wonder. Our BM was diagnosed BPD by her psychologist and, last I heard, still went to weekly sessions with SS5, with a big book called "How to create and maintain relationships" or something like that. She lives with GBM who knows BM is a psycho so the whole psychologist thing was probably forced by GBM. I have to wonder if GBM went at it from the, "If you don't go, you'll custody if they choose to look into your mental health history" and if she did, good woman. Although a friend of mine is a psychiatrist and he said BPD is incurable. It's rarely even manageable because the psychologists end up becoming a target as well.

It's why she's thrown away every gift DH ever sent, citing, for a velveteen rabbit plush specifically designed for infants that its eyes are a choking hazard (despite having multiple other plushes for him) hence "victimizing" the child. And a blanket DH's grandmother had quilted disappeared. We think she's hiding both the rabbit and the blanket in a shrine to DH she prays to. Because DH is not an easy target and has nothing to do with them, she's recently turned her sights on MIL. Everything MIL sends is now unacceptable due to one reason or another. Chocolate? Nope, SS suddenly and mysteriously developed a nut allergy, (even though his last birthday cake was chocolate). Easter basket? Not religious so you're forcing your religion on him (despite the fact that she's some weird sect herself and she holds little gatherings for it).

Money? Oh, keep it coming, but she will never, ever mention the checks from MIL nor thank her for them, even though they're cashed.

I think the worst part is that she doesn't just get these presents, thank MIL, and then throw it away secretly. Nope, she has to tell MIL why they were unacceptable, how much SS cried because she wouldn't let him touch them, and why MIL should be more sensitive to what she buys for SS.

Victimizing the child and turning the other person into the abuser, while being the hero. Fit the article to a T.

Very early on, she attempted to do it with DH. She would cite that she did not feel comfortable leaving SS alone with DH which is why if he went to visit, he'd have to stay at her house and she'd have to be in the room (even though her mom was more than willing to supervise) and that she was "advised" not to bring SS into our state, hinting at the idea that DH would snatch the child and run away with him. Again, victimizing the child with nothing grounded in reality, making the other person look like an abuser, and she the hero.

This is what abuse looks like, and the saddest thing is that most children fall victim to it and will often repeat the cycle, because they model their relationships after their parent figure.

The therapist DH went to for himself to work through everything even told him that he has rarely ever seen children of BPD/Narcissists turn around and reject the BPD parent, especially when they are young, and the best thing was not to be a target, and when DH asked if that meant that he should not be involved, the therapist asked, "Would you rather have the child stuck in the middle between you with her manipulating from every side, or would you rather have him grow up and maybe come to you on his own terms, and build a relationship between the two of you, rather than having BM in between."

The therapist and the article were right. Funny, how now that DH is not a target, BM is trying to make MIL the target.

The bio mother of the kids took "mood" medicine for a little while when my husband and her were married. All my husband remembers is it was the same meds her father takes for his mood. She also told my husband when they were married that she was beaten and abused physically by her father when she was younger. Her and one brother were singled out of 5 kids and the mother of bio mother was also beaten in front of the kids.
Bio mother of the kids doesn't physically abuse the kids that we know of, but she definitely has a "favorite" child and the other two complain more about her unfairness. The boy has spontaneously started crying-like bawling as if he just saw his puppy murdered-for no reason whatsoever. When we ask what's wrong he says, "I don't know. I don't know why I'm crying." But he will go on like that for a half hour. The oldest girl says things like, "I'm not even going to try because I won't succeed anyway." or "It doesn't matter what I do it's never right so I might as well just do what I want." Emotional and mental abuse is definitely happening to these kids we just can't prove it.

I have no idea what was wrong with BM's childhood. I do know that she was in and out of various psychiatrists, therapists and other offices and on a variety of medications. It got to the point where her own parents sent her thousands of miles away to live with family when she was in HS. They ended up sending her back.