Some Good News About Second Marriages w/ Stepshits

I was reading in my Stepmonster book last night, I was pleasantly surprised to read that second marriages with stepshits that can make it to 5 years actually have stronger and longer lasting marriages than even first marriages. Wednesday Martin (the Author) says it's because fighting the battles with the kids and pitfalls of step-parenting actually make your bond stronger. She also mentioned that if you can get past the first three years, you are more likely to make to the five year mark.

This gave me some hope. I guess if you can get as far as 5 years (or 7 in my case) and still have respect for your partner and feel valued this could be true.

I will have to give my H some credit in that he insisted on going to counseling when I told him I was going and had been thinking of leaving. He has earnestly been trying to make changes and grow some balls about his kids and horsefaced exW. He wants to read Stepmonster when I am done.

A glimmer of hope! I feel happy today and it's a skid free weekend! Yaaaay!

MarriedaBallessWonder's blog
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I just bought this book and

I just bought this book and am about to start reading it, I hope it has something in it that makes me hopeful as well.

Great stats...We just made

Great stats...We just made the third wedding anniversary. Together for 7. Funny thing is the pre-nup says if we make it to five years DH has to pay me alimony...Put that in because of the skids. I knew they would be the cause. I wanted 2 years and he wanted 7. Conceded at 5.

So since we made it three we should make 5....Honestly at the 2nd anniversary I was ready to leave, so the third was a relief...

Hey me too, 3 years married

Hey me too, 3 years married as of August, and 7 years together. 8 in Feb

We have been 10 years

We have been 10 years together and married for the last 3. I think the only thing likely to split us up would be if DH insisted on one of the SDs moving in. That would mean I would have to move out.

Thats good. We will be

Thats good. We will be celebrating our 5 yr wedding anniv this December. I think I am out of the woods. SD16 is hopefully going to want to live with BM when she turns 18 and then me and DH can have a normal life together

I'm pretty sure we will only hear from her on her birthday and holidays to collect her presents!

Yes, the Author says that

Yes, the Author says that the good news is that men who marry for the second time often do it for the RIGHT reasons and have learned valuable lessons from the failed marriage.

I know all marriages are hard, especially marriages with asshole ex's and kids involved. For some reason just reading her words gave me a lot of hope when I had been feeling deep despair for so many months.

I'm also in the 3rd marriage

I'm also in the 3rd marriage category. The first was just out of high school, age 19. Had my daughter at 25, stayed till I was 31.

2nd came on the heels of my first divorce. He blew major smoke up my ass, lied, cheated, abused and beat me.

3rd, just married in June after being together a year. He's my true love and yes, we have issues with his kid, but he's always willing to compromise and has put our marriage first. I don't believe we'll be in that 70% at all, but I could be fooling myself.

STEPSHITS! Hahahaha.

STEPSHITS! Hahahaha. Love that.
Yes, MABW, DH and I made it through the swamp that was life before knowledge about the stepfamily dynamics. It was very iffy there and there were times that I would have taken my DS out of there if I'd only had the balls.
I am so happy that I stayed now that skids are gone. Yes, even though I don't see them much at all, the skids still bother me (that's REALLY putting it mildly), but now at least DH is on my team and won't allow any disrespect to be shown to me ever again. Yes, I still ruminate on the bad times and wish things had happened differently, but DH and I made it! I've said before that it was really my weakness that kept me here, but I'm glad in a way that I was too weak at the time to leave, because it did work in the end.

Anyway, enjoy your stepshit-free weekend!

WOW, LJ, our lives almost

WOW, LJ, our lives almost mirror each other's, except my current DH is nothing like yours is.

My 2nd ex was HORRIBLE. I still feel absolutely disgusted that I stayed with him as long as I did and I subjected my now 14 yr old daughter to him. He never hit or molested her, but he certainly verbally and emotionally abused her. I will NEVER be able to forgive myself for putting her through so many years of torture and I can't blame her for leaving me to move in with her dad in Michigan.

She and I have a great relationship now, even though we hardly see each other. I get her spring break, summer and I go up to MI for Christmas. We talk all the time though. And she and I are very open and honest with each other. She forgave me a long time ago, but I'm still working on forgiving myself.

I'm sorry about your current DH and skid problems. I'm SO glad my DH isn't like that. But think about your son. If DH is constantly on him for everything (like my ex was with my daughter) it's going to erode his self esteem, confidence and traumatize him. Also, if you decided to cut ties with him now and get out just you and your boy, you can start teaching your son that being treated poorly is not acceptable or tolerable.

In your case, it's better in the long run for your boy to be out of that situation. I would shame myself for staying not leaving. Just my opinion based on what I went through with 2nd ex and what I'll NEVER go through again.

I wish you the best...

I really need to buy this

I really need to buy this book. Lol.

I have to be honest. This is

I have to be honest. This is my second marriage and it's be a trial by fire from day one. I have lost a ton of respect for DH, because of the way he's dealt with his kid and with Uberskank.

We've made it five years and I don't know what the future will hold.

We recently had a conversation about finances, and he made a comment about being okay with loaning his kid money. I cautioned him that he should use the word loan, when what he means is give her money. Loaning money implies he expects to be repaid. I said "I wouldn't give her any money you're not outright willing to lose"

His response to me was that then he expects to lose a lot of money.

I said, then you can't expect me to co-mingle our funds at any point if that is how you feel. Because I would have a huge issue with you always giving OUR money to your kid. He said "Then I guess we'll never co-mingle our finances."

I can't help but feel his response was a harbinger of things to come.