BMs and bedtime...
Why do the psycho BMs always call at bedtime????!? Are they seriously that clueless???
This is the second night within a week that Sybil has called just as DH was reading SD5 a bedtime story. SD needs a routine, she gets upset when it's broken. Last time she kept the kids then DH on the phone an hour, then heard SD in the background talking and went off on DH for letting her stay up so late. He told her, not at all nicely I'm happy to report, that he was putting her to bed when Sybil called an hour ago!!!
Tonight DH just told baby girl that it's time to pick out a book when SS10 comes in with his cell saying Sybil is on the phone wants to talk to SD. Sybil promised to mail her a Halloween costume last week well surprise none arrived. We bought her an adorable Disney Ariel today, as well as a decent winter coat (and THAT is a tale for another entry, sigh). She told Sybil what she got and apparently Sybil was surprised because she is of course sending one just hasn't made it to the PO yet. She promised it last week. I've been there. PO is in walking distance.
Her excuse is the car that WE located, test drove, and bought her (yes i know...but DH feels responsible for her two eldest, he raised them, afraid to leave them with no transport in a really bad neighborhood. Is she grateful? HA!!!) is broken down again because she is too stupid to get it fixed. (she traded old vehicle to get new one fixed but signed it over before checking if it was really fixed. Typical Sybil).
So she talks a few minutes with SD and DH tells her it's bedtime, but she doesn't say goodbye, just listens...repeated, bedtime honey tell mommy bye. She does but still doesn't hang up for a couple minutes. DH says mommy said it's bedtime too, right? SD: no, she was talking about the car.
WTF??!?? DH says she's 6 sheets to the wind, sauced as usual. Grrrr!!! Oh yeah then SD says mommy said she's coming to visit soon. Yeah right. And pigs fly.
I told DH to tell Sybil there is a curfew on calls, none after 9 or so. SD starts for bed about 9:30 at the moment. (we are working on that; Sybil used to call at 12, 1, 2 AM "call your daughter she's crying for you--she was awake still but not crying. We're getting her on an age appropriate schedule.)
I know she will keep up this crap. And she calls SS10's ppd phone and he complains about the minutes being used. We pay for them. DH tells him to answer (mostly) when Sybil calls and talk to his mom..."but what if I don't WANT to talk to her?"
Sorry? I am not. She is reaping the crap she sowed the past 10 yrs being a psycho drunken split personality biatch to her kids. DH said yelling screaming fighting was constant the last 7 of 8 yrs they were together. He literally stayed for the kids, could not stand her. (yes I know the 5yo conceived during that time...apparently she was half decent when she layed off the drinks and made an effort.) Personally, I think she wanted another mouth to claim on welfare. DH says she's nicer on the phone to them now than he'd heard her ever be.
Ok. Thanks for letting me vent. I will return lol!
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Comments
Wait a minute- he bought an
Wait a minute- he bought an alcoholic a vehicle? Is he prepared to be charged for accessory to murder when she runs someone over or kills the kids in an accident? That was a really bad idea.
I made FH send BM an email that explicitly says bedtime is at XX:XX at our home and your phone calls will not be answered or returned after that time. We've stuck to it and he just turns the ringer off at that time or we ignore the call. He's only had to send one reminder email (emails so that it's alllll documented for the court should the issue ever arise). Also, see if you can block her number on the PP phone or just get a different phone and don't let her have the number.
I'd have taken the phone out of daughter's hands and hung it up myself. DH sounds like he needs to grow a pair.
She already had one that ran
She already had one that ran in forward only...and she painted on an inspection sticker and drove it like that. Figured it was better to have one less likely to fall apart on the road with the boys (15 and 16) in it. Also, verrry bad neighborhood. Gang fight on their street the night we got home from getting the kids. Wanted them to have an escape method...but I totally admit it killed me that it benefitted Sybil in any way.
She only has ppd numbers. Her sole method of communication with them or DH. We both have iPhones and no chance she's getting those.
As for taking it out of her hands and hanging up, she's five. We're not gonna teach her it's ok to be rude to her mom. She'll be doing it on her own in 10 years or so.
Alright, I talk tough, but I
Alright, I talk tough, but I wouldn't take it out of her hands and hang it up, either.
I would not allow the situation to occur, though. Phones are on silent at the designated bed time (cause kiddos know her ring tone) and we can see if Crazy calls, but they don't know the difference. Gawd it would be awful if our "Sybil" lived in town!
Maybe kiddos turn their phones into you guys when they get home? Then older kid can't pass the phone to younger kid and you guys maintain control over the times. It sucks that she lives in such a ghetto area. Ours does, too, but it's so far away we don't have to deal with it except for the minimal visitation she exercises.
Thank heaven she is 4 hours
Thank heaven she is 4 hours away!! DH is mortally afraid she's going to decide to move in with her sister an hour and a half away "just to be closer to her dear darling babies". Really to torment him and contine to use him as her personal psychotherapist. SS generally doesn't answer unless DH tells him too haha. he doesn't want to talk to his own mom. DH told him to answer it that last time, and he did, grumbling under his breath all the time. she asked to speak to SD and he ran to hand off the phone.
Isn't is so sad (and yet
Isn't is so sad (and yet somehow satisfying) that they don't WANT to talk to their mothers??? I mean, ours will talk to her now only to tell her all of the neat stuff they're doing with us but they've both asked not to talk to her and in the two months now that they've been with us full time, they haven't once asked to call her! She's a total head case and won't call for long periods of time and I would think that they would've asked at least once. And prior to this they were with my FDH full time and never asked to call her and whined when he made them so I know it's not just me. Bizarre. I am just SO glad BM and FDH HATE each other with a passion so she's not calling him for anything and if she did, it'd go to voice mail. }:)
we used to be proactive about
we used to be proactive about this. every night at a certain time (lets say 7:30 if bedtime was 9) skids would call BM. This allowed two things. 1 - if there was some type of upset there was time to calm down before bedtime and 2 - if she didn't answer she had about 1/2 an hour to call back. If she called back later than that it was too late and she could talk to them the next day. Skids cell phones were to be kept in the kitchen w/ringers off after a certain time of night to avoid disruption. This was probably a problem at first but I honestly cannot remember. This became part of the regular routine and the skids were not bothered the least by it.
We have almost the opposite
We have almost the opposite situation: BM calls at 7:30 and then harasses DF that the kids aren't in bed yet....they don't need to go to bed that early since they don't have to get up until 6:30. They go to bed at 8:30ish at our house, but at BMs she literally makes them dinner, bathes them, then it's bed time, which ends up being either 7 or 7:30.
Make it a new rule that all
Make it a new rule that all cell phones get put in a basket on top of the fridge at 9 pm.
Email BM and tell her that is the new rule. Period.
Have your wonderful bedtime ritual and do not eleviate from it. You are raising those children, and this is your right.
Good Luck.
Oh apparently she's also
Oh apparently she's also suicidal. At least that's her line when she called DH the other day. It's been 2 weeks without her these kids. If she is, i have no (well not near as much) problem with her calling occasionally because DH is probably the only adult person in her life that cares if she lives or dies. Also probably the only one that could convince her to get help. But I personally think she just wants attention and POOR ME because we 'stole' her babies. We nearly didn't make it down to get them because DH felt guilty for taking them away from her. I reminded him BM was told if we didn't, CPS will--and did he really want them going through THAT mess???
Also I emphasized to DH that he can't hold himself responsible for her...he's afraid if he won't talk to her at all she'll do something drastic. He was with her for 8 years and really good friends with her dad, even before they started seeing each other. I can understand how there's still a caring there for her as a human being, even though there is absolutely none for her as a woman. But it's ultimately her choice and he can't make it for her. I think he gets that...he texted her the other night after she called and threw a fit and she didn't answer...he was afraid she'd done something so called her and didn't get an answer. I suggested he call 911 for that town, or at least one of her sons...he said no they were there if something happened they would call 911 and him. So I don't think he REALLY thinks she's serious or he'd have called himself.