Vent: A little OT, but a little not.
I'm just physically and mentally exhausted at the moment, so I'm sure that's why I'm snapping so easily. But have you ever had one of those weeks where a whole bunch of little things just add up to a big pile of crap that's dropped on your head? That's how I feel.
So Saturday morning, I was feeling good. I woke up early, got to work out for an hour (just me and my music!). Got the house cleaned up, and was having a pretty good day. We pick up Scooty (SD5) at noon, and go to lunch before FDH went to work. My mom's gym had a family swim day at an indoor pool, so the 3 of us went swimming, and had a blast! After that we went to look at some wedding dresses, not try on b/c i'm not mean enough to make a 5 year old sit through that. But more of, let's go look at the pretty dresses. And then we went back to my moms house for dinner, and then home to bed.
So overall Saturday was a pretty awesome day! The only low point was when I showed Scooty her dress for the wedding she asked "why do I have to have a dress". Apparently no one thought it was important enough to tell her she was included in our wedding. But I gave her the best answers I could, and all is well...I think. But then comes Sunday......
My stbBIL calls FDH and wants to take the kiddos roller skating. FDH has to work, so it's up to me. Now that's all FDH said...BIL wants to take the kiddos roller skating. So I'm thinking me and Scooty, and then BIL, BIL's GF, and BIL's son. So I agree, Scooty loves skating and I can count that as my workout for the day. What FDH FAILED to mention is that BIL wanted to take ALL the kiddos (aka cousins) roller skating....all 10 of them with only 3 adults. All 10 of them ages mostly 5-6. I didn't find this out until after I got to BIL's house. So we get them loaded up in the car, I've got 4 little girls in my little car and they are all singing along to Miley Cyrus "Party In The USA"...someone please shoot me now!!
So we skate....well I guess I should say the adults skated with 2-3 kiddos hanging off of thier arms. So needless to say I got my workout! So I'm sore, and ready to go home and BIL says okay we'll see you at Incredible Pizza. WTF?! FDH FAILED to mention that we were taking ALL the kids to a pizza arcade place?! So we eat, they play and drive the adults crazy. I'm cranky, sore, and ready to go home. FDH gets off work and comes and meets us at the pizza place. And the cherry topper, he invites BIL & GF and ALL the kiddos to our house to watch Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs.
So recap, I've been 1 of 3 adults to chase around 10 kiddos all day while skating and at an arcade...and FDH has the balls to invite them all back to our house? So I tell FDH he has to take the car load of girls to our house. I then rush to a store and grab some popcorn and drinks, and rush home to make the house "kid ready". Movie ends and we send everyone home. Scooty, FDH, and I are cleaning up spilled popcorn when Scooty says (and keep in mind the awesome weekend we had together, at my expense) "I can't wait to see my mama tomorrow, I miss her, we have so much fun together". I know she's just 5, but that 5 year old made me feel like a big ol piece of crap!
Then there are a ton of things that happened today...overflowing toilet at home, problems at work, and a constant fight with FDH. I just feel beat down in every way possible.
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Comments
It sucks being a parent
It sucks being a parent without being a parent. There is no other way to put it. No matter how "motherly" you are to a skid, at the end of the day (generally speaking) they have a mommy and no matter what you do and how little mommy does, mommy rules. I loathe being a sm for this reason. I take on all the responsibility of raising her (dh helps, but honestly if it weren't for me, she'd be worse behaved than a zoo animal by now) and teaching her the right things, going to school functions, etc and all I hear is "mommy bought, mommy gives me" blah, blah. Mommy behaves as though it is Christmas everyday and SD thinks she hung the moon. Don't get me wrong, I don't discourage this. She should love her mom, but it creates a LOT of resentment on my part. All I've ever wanted is to be a mommy and now I am stuck with all the shit parts and none of the good stuff.
Sorry to highjack. I understand your feelings too well. Next time bow out. If BIL wants to take the kids skating, send SD with HIM or insist FDH take her. The more of yourself you give while getting nothing in return, the more resentment you will fee. Do what you are comfortable doing without expecting appreciation or you'll be disappointed.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Shit parts and none of the
Shit parts and none of the good stuff....that is exactly it!! Thanks for the understanding
"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."
Some times it helps to know
Some times it helps to know you aren't alone in your feelings and that they are legitimate.
I talked about this with my therapist - he concurs - perfectly normal and okay to push away some of the shit parts and let someone else take care of them.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
oh she just said that becuz
oh she just said that becuz she felt guilty for having such a good time with you. My SD does this same thing--after she opened her xmas presents she said "oh well my mom bought me xx so I just got a few gifts" since we had a boat load of stuff for her (spent about the same as BM though). We had no idea before she said that what she did or did not get from BM. She was just feeling like she needed to justify to herself.....my response was "well we spent about the same then. The more expensive the gifts the less gifts you get" she seemed to feel better than.
I would just respond with "oh yes I am sure you have great times with your mom too. We all like to go out and have fun don't we? I hope you had a good weekend with us"
Don't let this pull you down, I honestly don't think it was meant to hurt you or that she didn't have fun. She was just feeling guilty.
I know it makes you feel
I know it makes you feel bad, doesn't it? You feel like you really gave it all of your energy to try and be part of the fun.
But I agree that she probably just felt bad about having fun without her mom around.
SS6 does this. We will all be having fun and he will tell us that he misses his mom and wants to talk to her. And what can you do? Nothing.
It used to make me feel bad, but now I just brush it off.