Really SD? WTF! And - We have a winner - new counsellor - I LIKE her!
Just a small vent to start with LOL
My mobile phone is playing up and I needed to make a call when I got home from work just now. So I grabbed OH's mobile - he has a work one and left his own one here today so I used it to make a call....
Browsed his texts (naughty naughty I know!) And found a photo SD sent of BM to OH....
WTF! WHY is SD sending him pics of BM!! And BM is posing on the sofa - legs all up and gazing come hither at the camera.... only trouble is she looks like a walrus... or a beached whale. She is SO much fatter than the last time I saw her LMAO Her new nickname from me is now "the walrus!"
And WTF is SD thinking - that if OH sees her "sexy Mama" he will leave my much skinnier and sexier self and come a'runnin? I mean, not to sound vain - but compared to BM I am a freaking supermodel....
Vent over
Now - due to recent issues we have begun counselling, again!
I did a lot of research and have found someone who is very experienced in the whole step shit dynamic.
Our first appt was Thursday night. He had meetings on the other side of town so was unable to get there til halfway through - so I spoke of our issues, my past, and what we where there for, I discussed recent events and how OH is a great hands on dad, but that he doesn't actually discipline or parent - he "talks" to them...
We also talked about my first marriage - my first husband was abusive, hence my strong reaction to SS10 getting violent and threatening towards my dd11. One of the main things that got me out of there was when my oldest dd(now 24 but then she was 3) vomited in bed one night. He got there first, and his reaction was to yank her out of bed by the arm and throw her in the bottom of the shower, turning on the cold water and screaming at her - I was yelled at to clean up the mess while he "dealt with her" We left the next day when he was at work. My thing is and always will be that my dd's will never know or live that fear, that feeling. Never have to live their lives scared that some man will hit or threaten them.
When OH arrived she talked to him, he did his usual waffling and not really saying much and she kept on at him until he said "real stuff" - I don't know how to explain this really - like um she will ask him "what are you here for - what in your eyes are the issues"
And he says "we are having issues blending"
And she pushed more - asked him to explain, give examples, more information, I don't understand exactly what you mean so he had to come out and say stuff.
It was brilliant (small petty pleasure on my part I guess LOL)
We talked about the above issue with the violence and how and why it escalated the way it did, he still believes he did nothing wrong and that I should "let him parent the way he wants to" I explained that was all well and good for the small stuff but that this for ME was a huge issue and that I needed to know for my dd's sake that it was never going to happen again, he needed to step up on this one and teach SS how wrong and unacceptable his behaviour was.
The therapist talked to OH about my reaction and why it mattered and triggered such a strong response in me. She made him get it. I could actually see when the penny dropped for him - why this was so big for me, (now call me crazy but I think regardless of my past his kid getting physical with a smaller girl SHOULD have been a big issue anyway but meh!) He got it. He understands that he should have done more, and that I did need to be considered and my feelings on the matter acknowledged etc.
We talked about his parenting in general, and the therapist talked about parenting like being a pilot. Loving your kids is great and vital, but you still need to parent - to discipline and teach them. With all the love in the world if you are not the one in charge; if you allow the kids to run riot and make all their own decisions you are setting them up as their own pilots before they are mentally and emotionally ready to fly their own planes, and that this WILL cause them to crash and burn.
That our responsibility as parents is to guide the whole family plane until the children are old enough and mature enough to take charge on their own. It is our job to guide them, to teach them and to make the tough decisions like saying no sometimes when we know it's not in their best interests.
He *seemed* to take this on board, and she will be giving us some strategies to help us parent better
She will also be helping us to understand SD13's mental state and deal with her behaviour - why and what to do to make it better for her so she can move on and accept our RS and her new family.
Early days, but she was GOOD!
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Comments
Are you sure that BM didn't
Are you sure that BM didn't take SDs phone herself and send those pictures?
Nah, they are full length
Nah, they are full length shots - taken from too far away to be selfies...
There were no comments - not by her and not by him, just this pic of BM lol, he just ignored, I would just love to know WHAT was going on in either of their heads....
I'm not saying BM took the
I'm not saying BM took the pictures herself. I'm saying maybe BM could've had sd take them and send them to dh, or that she had sd take them but took the phone from sd to send them herself.
LOL - who knows - I do not
LOL - who knows - I do not and probably never will understand the thought processes of either of them!! It could have been either of them - but given that SD is telling my DD that her mum and dad are getting back together when we break up (she knows this for a fact because BM told her so) I think odds are that SD sent it, but BM sure as heck knew it was taken and where it was going!!
"Oh look SD, there's a walrus
"Oh look SD, there's a walrus on your sofa!"
No, he ignored, as I will
No, he ignored, as I will have to do as I am not supposed to have seen it!!
She is looking her sexiext too, in her best baggy T and tracky daks....
Miaow!