So SD is here for the weekend. Why is it that I don't mind SD, but can't stand SS?

In the beginning I was really, really worried about the way SD behaved. She had some serious behavioral issues. But she's better now. She is actually pleasant to be around.

SS on the other hand... uggg. A mere thought of that kid makes me want to :sick: .

***

I forgot to share that H and I had a long talk about the whole SS/apology debacle from last weekend. H, again, admitted that he dropped the ball. I don't understand why he "get's it" when we talk, but then "forgets" to apply the lesson to when he is actually supposed to be parenting his kid. It drives me nuts.

Ironically, H made some very heavy and serious connections between the way he is parenting his son (with zero personal responsibility) to the way that HIS DAD treated him as a kid. He made a connections to the way he makes excuses for SS the same way his dad made excuses for him. He also made a connection between how he does things for SS that actually prevent SS from having to grow up the same way his dad did things for him.

H mentioned how every time he tried a new skill (as a child and then as an adult man), his dad would come along and say, "Oh no son, let me do that for you." He said that the message that he eventually learned was that he wasn't capable and that "daddy" would do everything for him. He said that his parents have always just treated him like a baby. Then he connected to how that these are the exact ways that he is parenting his own son -- and that he KNOWS he is doing the wrong thing.

I told him that it's no longer ok to use that as an excuse to continue repeating the same mistake. That instead, he needs to use that knowledge to change and grow as a man and as a father.

***

H actually cried when he apologized to me for not making sure his kid was treating me with respect. That when I used the analogy about how he would expect SS to apologize and accept responsibility to a stranger, but he doesn't expect his son to treat me with that same respect.

Eh. Do I believe he is sorry? Yes. Do I believe that things will change? Hmmm... yes and no.

***

On another note:

It really bothers me that SS sees ME being some sort of bully to H. However, I do understand why he sees it that way.

I've been pinned, from the beginning, to be the "change agent" in regards to the skids.

The in-laws had HUGE expectations that I was going to be some sort of savior. In a lot of ways, I have been. However, for the most part -- while they were pointing their fingers and me and telling me that I had to do something about the way things were, they would also flat-out sabotage my efforts. Then they would tell me that I had no business trying to change things. But then they would point their fingers at me and tell me that I had to change things, then they would sabotage me and tell me I had no right. It has been a horrible roller coaster ride. I no longer will have anything to do with the in-laws for this very reason.

My H has asked me for my help. Clearly he married me for a reason: I bring a LOT to the table. However, at the same time that he is asking for help, he is also sabotaging my efforts, and then accusing me of not having the right to change things.

Then, the whole time, both the in-laws AND my H have played the victim and made me out to be the bad guy:

"Because LRP75 wants this done... I guess we better do it or she's going to be mad..."

The whole time the skids have witnessed this. So OF COURSE their perception of me is that I am some kind of horrible ogre.

Then, when I disengage because I am so absolutely fed-up with being jerked around and scapegoated by the in-laws and my H, I am made out to be the bad guy and some child-hating ogre.

I have been in a no-win position since Day 1.

But I get it. I totally get why SS would see me as being some sort of bully.

The problem is now: my H is going to have to fix this perception that he ALLOWED his child to get of me. Or, I'm afraid, we are in for some serious crap down the line.

H acknowledges that he has to fix it. That he has, through gross negligence, allowed things to get way out of control. But do I actually think he's going to change? Eh.

I suppose we shall see. I imagine that H *may* actually realize that I mean business when I absolutely assert that the next time SS is supposed to come visit, that H better f*cking find somewhere else to go spend that time with him -- that I will NOT be treated with disrespect in my own home -- and that HE should not think that I should be ok with being treated with disrespect.

***

Ugg. What a mess.

Why do things have to be so hard?