Our adult SS (35) has barely spoken to his father or myself since DH's mother died and they (SS 35 and SD 32) found out that they were not in the will and that they could not guilt or manipulate their father into giving them his inheritance (pitiful amount that it was). SD 32 was equally as vindictive but kept talking to DH off and on (but was openly rude and dismissive of me) so that we would continue babysitting her two children.

DH's parents used to have a little money but for some reason BM thinks they had more than they did and that they had it when they passed away. This was not the case. BM even went so far as to drive SD and SS by DH's old childhood home - sold long ago - and to tell SS and SD that that was where they belonged! This is offered as an insight to let you know how delusional BM and step children are.

I should mention that we also have 2 BDs that are both minors (pre-teen and teen by age) that SS and SD are both jealous of and have had little to do with over the years besides use them as babysitters to SD's children.

SS has refused to take his father's phone calls since the will was read and will not return messages unless he is calling to get a reference for a job or to curse his father out. He even told his father that if DH wanted to talk to him and he did not return his call that DH should drive all over town to track him down! SS lives more than 15 miles outside of town! SD and her husband have been especially rude to me since this time even when we invited them to what is my home during family gatherings (we have seperate property - also an area of contention for SS and SD).

Well in what was their latest incident - last year December 28 - SD went into her latest tirade and called up DH raising hell that I had not taken her children to the show whan I took my children. I had actually gone to the show with my sister who had come from out of town specifically to visit me. She has a daughter my oldest BD's age so my children were going to the show with her primarily. My youngest BD had a friend over at that time so she also was invited because she was in my house when we were leaving to go to the show.

Although I had taken the step-grand children to the show quite few times in the past I did not feel an obligation to ask them (taking the little one means you are out of your seat more than you are in it so you have to pick and choose the movies you invite her to as some hold her interest longer than others). I do not feel as though my youngest BD has to invite them everywhere she goes. My BD has a right to have her own friends and invite whomever she wants to play with to our house or to go to the show - besides - they are several years apart in age.

Well SD carried on so badly that BDs were upset. BDs wanted to talk to SD's children to try to fix things with them. I did not want to call as I did not want to engage with SD when she was in one of her tirades! BDs went into their room and tried to call SDs children. All BDs could hear was SD 32 telling them ugly things - putting words in her childrens mouths and encouraging the children to say these things to my BDs and their friend. SD told my youngest BD and her friend that they were not true friends and that they could not play with her children until such time as they learned to be true friends! SD was so ugly to them when they called that neither BD wants anything to do with her now. While they will be polite to her face since they have been taught proper manners, they do not want to be in her presence for an extended period of time and do not want to go to her house. I can't blame them. My sister was going to volunteer to talk to SD because I would not after this but she quickly decided not to after hearing how volatile and eplosive she was being. Although we did not have her on speaker phone you could hear her end of the conversation all over the house - thats how loud she was.

SD became so abusive during BDs phone call that BDs quickly handed the phone off to DH. After SD finishes screaming and cursing out DH - - adult SS calls. SD must have immediately called him becuase he was on the phone with DH in less than 10 minutes. This is the tag team manipulation that the two of them have routinely going on. If she is mad he calls - if he is mad she calls....He tells his father that he is calling on behalf of SD because she can not bring herself to confront DH. What a joke! SD has no problem cursing out anyone! She has called DH numerous times to take him to task on behalf of SS - at these times she tells DH that abusive SS is too traumatized to talk to him! LOL.

SS 35 proceeds to curse out his father, call me horrendous names, etc. SS, however, goes well beyond the show incident stating that he was jealous of the christmas presents that BDs recieved, wanted to know what exactly did DH inherit, berating us for how we are raising BDs - from where they should be allowed to sleep over to where they should be allowed to ride in SD's car! BDs have not been allowed to be in SDs home since the blowup after DH's mother passed away and I would not let BD sit in the front seat of SDs car because it is against the law and unsafe which infuriated SD. Funny - SD didn't offer to put one of her children up front next to the air bag!
SS als demanded Bds cell phone numbers and then threatened DH if he did not produce them. SS then bragged that he could get them so don't even think about changing their phone numbers! I veiwed this to be a threat as up until now he has never tried to call BDs on house phone or cell phone! It is strange and a little "stalkerish" scary that a 35 year old man would now be so interested in BDs cell phone numbers! I viewed this to be his way of threatening us that he can contact them without our consent anytime he wanted to!

I do not let BDs go to SDs home anymore becuse I do not want them exposed to anyone who would act so ugly at a time when their Father was grieving the loss of their grandmother. I feel that there is a serious problem with SS and SDs morals (in my opinion it indicates a serious lack of empathy for others and a totally self absorbed personality!) to act in this manner at this time and I do not want BDs exposed to this type of deviant behavior. I also have to now recognize how jealous of BDs that these two are. I suspected it before but they have recently verbally confirmed it!

SS even went so far as to mention in his tirade that his mother did not have much monetarily. I have no idea what that had to do with us. Since she got everything in the divorce settlement except the debt because DH felt guilty when he left - that is hardly a concern of mine. SS should be angry at BM's abusive husband No 2 who took most of what she was left away from her. Again - that is hardly my and DHs concern!

I have worked for everything that I have gotten my entire life and have helped support SD and SS for years before even trying to have my own children because we could not afford the cost while raising SS and SD. We did the best we could with what we had at that time. But as many of you say - nothing you can do for most of these spolied stepkids is good enough. SS and SD have said that they think that our BDs should not recieve anything from us unless we give the exact same thing to them and step grandchildren - despite the fact that they are 32 and 35. We can't even take BDs to an event or have a birthday party for them without SS and SD getting jealous and carrying on. It is the same with vacations - they feel as though we are not entitled to have a vacation with just the BDs. They seem to have forgotten all of the trips that we brought them on when they were little. Why they would think that at 32 and 35 we should take them with us on vacations and holidays and pay for them to go is beyond me! They are 32 and 35 - I don't think that I went on vacation with my parents after I was 17! I never expected them to pay for my vacation after this point! It's funny that they are the first to proclaim that they aren't jealous despite their behavoir and words to the contrary!

After this tirade, SD has a huge blow up with one of her friends - the mother of the little girl that went to the show with us that she was so ugly to on the phone at our house. The mother wanted to know justifiably why SD had been so ugly to her child! SD 32 lets loose with a string of profanities saying that the woman had no friends, that she and my DH were crazy etc. etc. This mother called DH up after this phone call to report this phone tirade to him and said that the call was so abusive that she put the phone on speaker and let it play for all of her guests to hear! Everyone there was blown away! As soon as DH hangs up after talking to the mother - SD calls him! SD proceeds to launch into another tirade with him - you had no business telling her - Hello! SD didn't think that the little girl would tell her own mother! SD then went on to tell DH that he was crazy and that he was no father!!!! SD blamed DH for SD's cursing out the little girl's mother! She said "you made me look like an a_ _! I think not! She managed that all on her own!!!!!

Well, after the outrageous blowout and behavior over my not inviting the grandchildren to the show last year SD's husband suggested that DH and myself get together with him and SS and SD to discuss all of the problems.......

I do not feel that this is in my best interest. Up until now, I have never had a face to face confrontation with either SS or SD. Although they have said ugly things about me they can not point to any time where I have said anything about them or their crazy BM. Such a meeting would result in a confrontation where I would probably say something negative because I can no longer take this craziness and abuse. I feel that this would simply give them ammunition!

SD has also refused to talk or let the grandchildren talk to us since the show incident. To be honest. We have continued taking over gifts and presents or birthdays and Valentines Day etc. but recieved not one thank you. DH was not even contacted on his Birthday or Fathers Day! But then again they treat him like that even when they are talking to him so I guess this is normal!

I personally have liked it this way. I have told DH that even if we do talk that I do not plan to have them in my home again since I will no longer tolerate them being rude to me in my own house nor will my children go to their house. DH simply wants to see grandchildren again which are being kept from him. However,since they (grandchildren) act scared to talk to us every time we see them out somewhere by chance I feel that they too are a lost cause. DH is pressuring me to talk becuse he is delusional that everything would then work out but I do not feel that that will be the result. I suspect that it will end up in a big blowoup that I would then be smack in the middle of.

We don't hang up when they are abusive because the adult stepchildren never call me. I would if it were left to me! They call my husband on his cell. He of course will take anything they dish out. I suspect he will not hang up because he is afraid they will no longer talk to him if he does. They have been getting away with this since they were young children coached on the side by their crazy BM on how to most efectively accomplish this!

When they call him up in one of their tirades, I watch him look as though he physically shrinks in stature when he talks to them! It is soooo sad to watch. He does not have the strength or feels so guilty he can't stand up to anything. I really don't think he would stand up for me if we met with them - he says he would but I don't thnk that he is capable of doing so.

SS has been manipulating behind ther scene again. He tried to contact BDs through their cell phones last Easter despite having no real relationship with them since they were born. Neither BD would pick up and neither wanted to return SS call. He has never called them before. Funny - despite being able to place calls to minors - SS refused to take DH's call when he returned SS's Easter message to BDs. I am concerned that SD and SS are so manipulative that they think that they have a chance of manipulating BDs. If they keep this up BDs phone numbers will be blocked! BDs are minors and I and they do not have to put up with this game playing! For these reasons including their scary outrageous tirades, I really do not want SS and SD around BDs. I am not sure what they are capable of.

I feel sorry for my DH but at this point and time I have to place those boundaries for my own sanity and for the protection of my BDs.