I sympathize with you completely. I have been there before. But then I realized that I would never walk away from my bio child, so how could I support DH in doing this with his. Maybe there are other options. Try family counseling or fight for more visitation to have more impact. I don't know. But even though DH is not showing the emotion, he is feeling it. Men just hide it better than us. I agree with Cruella about thinking really hard before finalizing it. There are many other options besides walking out of a child's life. I think that is they easy way and I thank God everyday that I found the strength to stay and give my DH the strength to keep his daughter. We now have full custody and are working hard to get past the anger of SD being torn between two parents. I hope all works out and everything happens for a reason.

We've had visitation for a little over a year, and things are just as bad or worse than they were from the very beginning. I know how difficult it is to watch a mother hurt her child. I know how painful it is to watch your DH slowly make the decision to back away from his own child because he thinks that that is what is best.

My BF has said that things would be easier if he was to just give up, but he will never let himself do that. He has an obligation to SS to stay in his life and fight for him, and that's what he's decided to do. We've been told by both of our lawyers that eventually BM will end up forcing the court to take custody from her with her actions. All we have to do is stick in there and keep going.

I know it's hard, but is there any way that you can guide DH to the decision of sticking it out? Goingcrazy has made some excellent suggestions in the previous reply.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

My fiance has definitely gone through the same anguish and there have been times that he has said it would just be easier for all if he disappeared out of SD's life because BM was so impossible to deal with. But he just could never do that. We know how you feel, although maybe not to the same extent because even with BM's intense parental alienation tactics, SD has never said she doesn't want to see her dad anymore. I feel for you.

We're here for you, so come here often for kind words of support through this rough journey!

Not long ago my dh and I decided to call it quits with us trying to raise a child with dh's ex pyscho. It's a hard concept for you to visualize not seeing or participating in a child's life, but the drama, the headache, the frustration, manipulation, is all too much for one to take in.

We decided to let bm have it all, she wants him full time, and she makes decisions w/o any discussion with my dh, then 40 days later she calls to let us know how she is sick of her 13 year old son who is highly disrespectful to her, she wants her way 100% of the time, so she wants to spoil him when it makes her look good, then she wants to send him to our house when she needs him "fixed." It doesn't work.

It is tough to walk away from a child who you know is brainwashed, but you can't comprimise your own sanity for any one. That is what you need to remember. Also, you can't allow yourself to be used, and that is what a lot of these women are doing. I don't like the idea of walking away from my ss, but I can't change his mother, and as long as I am there to constantly pick up the pieces to her train wreck, I will be allowing her to dictate the chaos in my life, in my marriage, and in my son's childhood.

It isn't easy, but you are doing the right thing. Good luck, and if you need more help, feel free to email me privately. We just went through this, and I am totally here for you!

Hugs,
Candice

Just remind you DH that the harder it is, the more it worth fighting for. Give him strength. I can only imagine how much pain he is feeling. I went through it with SD, but from BD it would tear me apart. In time, she will come around. At ten, she is just a sponge soaking up BM's emotions. Keep fighting and remember that you have friends here to help support you. Invite your DH online, maybe we can help encourage him as well.

Back in Dec. she decided she was going to take her manipulation of the 2 parents to a whole new level. She started telling BM that she hates coming to our house because we are mean to her and punish her and talk about BM all the time. All this is absolutely NOT TRUE!!!! If anything she is treated like a princess at our house and NEVER gets disciplined. A counselor helped us see that she is not getting the attention needed from BM and the only time she gives SD the time of day is when she is talking badly about us because then they are on a team together. This is sad but DH had to say if she is going to cause problems then she shouldn't come over anymore. And so she hasn't for 6 months! It hurts DH but what can he do. His every other weekend visitation was just not enough to erase the brainwashing that her mother has done. She would just go back home on Sundays and tell false stories in hopes that her mom would say you don't have to go back there anymore but she never would because then that would interfere with mom's party weekends! So now that DH has put his foot down and her baby sitter is gone, she has to dump SD some where else. This is sad because SD thought by not having to go to out house anymore that surely she and mom would spend some time together but NO she just drops her off at different friends and families homes. We just pray for SD and believe it or not BM. That's all you can do.