I think my husband is abusive
He engages in subtle and not-so-subtle putdowns that are beginning to erode my self-esteem. We have been married less than two years. I think that this is a form of abuse, and I am wondering if anyone here has experience with this in his/her relationship.
My husband refuses to go for counseling or even to talk with our pastor about any of our issues, including his heavy marijuana use, refusal to do his share of the housework, etc. He's always on my back about how I don't exercise enough (which is actually true), I'm not working hard enough learning my new job (not true), etc., etc.
Is there any hope for this to get better on its own? I no longer feel completely invested in the relationship. I’m supposed to put up with 3 skids, CS, a BM, and this shit, too? I don’t think I’m cut out for this.
- Living the dream's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
What would you tell your
What would you tell your sister or best friend if she came to you with this story? How would you answer her and what advice would you give to her??
One of my very early
One of my very early relationships was with a put-down merchant. The problem with these situations is often believing the abuse is happening to oneself. I had the idea of doing a reality-check on what was going on, which really helped me during the relationship and in fact helped me to get out of it when I needed to. I put to him that he was consistently saying negative things about me, which of course he denied. I then said,"So each time I think this has happened, I am going to ask you to pay me a compliment as well so that you do not lower my self-esteem" (or words to that effect, I was only 19 and not so aware of the jargon then). I then put that into practice. He had different reactions each time, sometimes denying having said something negative, sometimes adding the compliment, sometimes refusing to add it (which was particularly enlightening). But whatever he did each time, strengthened me in different ways in terms of raising my awareness as to what was really going on.
Emotional abuse is sometimes
Emotional abuse is sometimes harder to deal with than physical abuse. I know that I had my hard lines in the sand - getting hit or cheated on. Emotional abuse is harder to quantify. Is it normal? Is he having a bad day? Did I cause this? All questions I asked myself. It was tough to leave because so many people just think you have to be less sensitive etc.
My advice? Even if he won't go to counseling, go yourself. That's what I did.