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fTM with stepkids ?

Layla1014's picture

22 wand taking care of BFs son full time. I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy. Has anyone else had difficulty caring for stepmoms nearing the end of pregnancy. He’s gotten so picky has done gagging noises at my food which he ate last week with no problem. He is constantly needing attention and looking for it by jumping on the couch or going over chairs that are stacked up for moving, he needs attention all the time and wants me to play with him when I need to clean or do homework, or have migraines I have epilepsy He is 6 years old. I’m due Christmas week and am dreading Caring for him and my newborn for his winter break. I don’t get a break. I miss appts because of his school schedule and his mom only gets him a weekend every 2 weeks. I don’t want to drive him to school every morning with a newborn having a c section. I just feel so much resentment these last few weeks and little patience. I might leave my bf because I don’t want this and I can’t tell him how hormonal I’m feeling and caring for his kid constantly sometimes drives me crazy especially right now when I have Braxton hicks contractions and constant headaches. Is this normal with my hormones? Has anyone felt the same?

Comments

Thumper's picture

What the heck is going on in your home?

Where is your boyfriend, where is bio mom? If you told us in last post, I am sorry I didnt read it.

Tell bf tonight or the next time you see him that TODAY was the last day your babysitting his and bm's child starting NOW. 

Everyone, bm and bf expecting you to be a babysitter has nothing to do with hormones and has everything to do with them using you.

IF you have to pack a bag and go back to your moms until the baby is born then to it. . Tell her you dont plan on using her as granny babysitter, or use her for a free ride. Its just until you can find your own place. Which brings me to... You may want to go to social services Monday and ask what you will qualify for, for assistance.

Dad needs to step up. take his own kids to school, do homework, cook and clean, do wash for his kid. You should STAY in bed and rest.

 

 

 

 

 

tog redux's picture

Darn it, with your title, I thought this was going to be about transgender issues!  Something different ...

Anyway, why are you the primary caregiver? Where is the boy's father?

ndc's picture

I know where you're coming from.  I recently had a baby, and I am often home with my husband's two girls.  In my case, the only way we can afford for me to stay home with the baby is for me to also care for the skids when they're with us.  That is OK with me - I view it as a worthwhile tradeoff.  DH works first shift, so he's almost always home between 4 and 5 and is there for homework, baths, etc.  We have the skids half the time (5/5/2/2), and one skid is in school full time and the other goes to preschool for half days.  

Based on what you've written and your apparent frustration level, I'm assuming that your boyfriend is not carrying his share of the household/child load.  What hours is he home?  Does he assume all childcare duties when he's home?  Does he do his share of housework, especially while you're pregnant?  Whether he does any of that or not, it is unreasonable of him to expect you to care for his child over the whole winter break when you have a newborn and are recovering from a c-section.  He needs to find someone else to watch his kid.  Does he have family in the area?  Does he have vacation time?  Does BM have any custody time over Christmas break?  I also think that it is perfectly reasonable for him to make alternate arrangements for getting his child to and from school while you're recovering and getting used to having a baby.  It's crazy for you to have to pack up a newborn and take him to school every day, especially since you will have driving restrictions after a c-section.  My skids get the bus right outside our house, and I've already told the bus driver not to expect me to be meeting the younger skid at the bus stop as is usually required - I told her to watch for me waving from our front doorway.  I can assure you that there is no way that I would have driven the kids to school right after giving birth, and I had a pretty easy time of it.

I think you need to have a chat with your boyfriend and tell him what you are and are not willing to do with respect to his child.  He also needs to step up a lot.  The six year old is HIS child, not yours, and he bears the primary responsibility.  If you cut a deal with him where you'd watch his child in exchange for him supporting you and allowing you to stay home, that's one thing, but if that's not the case, or if he is expecting you to do everything while he does nothing but earn a paycheck, that's quite another.

 

Layla1014's picture

he is allowing me to stay here but I sometimes buy groceries because he’s unwilling to give me money for anything I even bought his son two sweaters since his parents were taking forever to acknowledge he would need them soon. I have no job and am paying my insurance/car/phone medical bills with money I had saved up from working two jobs. I’m working soon after my newborn so I can stay paying my bills. He gets home and plays wideo games with his son and does not acknowledge his son needs a shower. His son just goes near me and just says I’m hungry, never asks nicely just expect food to appear , I help with hw and I was doing classes online doing my hw.  Bf will play and sometimes fail to listen  to his son so he comes to me. His mom has her bday the 26th so she will party and she’s careless even though there are Uber’s, but she misses him SO much. 

Layla1014's picture

don’t plan to be a stay at home mom he knows I’m going to school and working he knows this. I’m paying my mom to care for my daughter and since his son hates my affectionate dogs since they “bug” him and he thinks they’re annoying my mom doesn’t want to care for him she prefers letting or dogs be themselves and by pushed away by him. He also expects them to leave the living room tv for him to watch his shows but I have two brothers that live with them and won’t let that happen. 

ndc's picture

Oh my, he sounds like he's lacking as both a father and a boyfriend.  Based solely on what you've posted, I would be more inclined to go stay with my mother, assuming that's an option, so that I would not have to watch his kid all the time.  Tell us the positives about him, and why you're still there.