So after bm took bf's daughter to central america without bf's permission (having never had her vaccinated) we discovered that there was nothing we can do about it with the police because they returned. Apparently that means there is no emergency. Yesterday, we went to her school to talk to her teachers to see if we could get access to her records.
The school administrator told us that BM caanot be relied upon to bring daughter to school regularly. BM paid for attendance at montessori school for three half days a week from december until march. During those months, even though school was paid in full, daughter was removed from school during BM's ten day vacation to paris in January of this year and has missed at LEAST one day of school every week since then. In April, BM told administrator that she simply could not afford to pay for daughter's april attendance, but would pay for both april and may - in may. Administrator agreed and extended her enrollment without payment on the basis of that agreement so that daughter would have more stability. Mother then came to school and informed administrator (with pride) that she would be taking daughter out of school for a five day vacation to central america in April. BM made no offer to pay for schooling. Daughter has not yet returned to school for May, May's tuition has still not been paid, and BM has not called to explain anything. School administrator tells us she is concerned that daughter lacks stability in her home life, will not eat while at school, (we see this too when she is with us), lacks the ability to concentrate, is behind the other kids in math and reading skills due to spotty attendance.
My BF is financially ruined and pays child support despite his own poverty. Because I LOVE this child, I offer to pay her schooling but with the caveat that the teacher call her father if daughter does not show for school.
Today we are drafting a letter to our attorney. In the letter, BF is requesting custody of daughter immediately on the basis of the trip outside of country, school issues, and parental alienation. We are not married. The custody battle has not yet begun. Is there any chance that he can get custody? Is there anything those of you who have been though this before can advise us on with regard to this? Remember from my previous blog, that BM's attorney sent letter making outlandish claims against my behavior with her daughter - serious allegations which imply abuse.
In a moment of rage, I called her. She admitted to me that she is doing this to hurt my BF. Claimed she will speak to attorney and have it "fixed". I told her that if she is serious, and truly belileves I would ever hurt her daughter, that she should be reporting this to the police rather than make unsubstantiated claims through protection of her attorney. I told her that she needed to think seriously about what she is doing before she just jumps into anything like that - as DYFS is NOT an agency that she wants in her life. Among many things she said to me were: trip to central america was for her daughter's education and this is proof she is a great mother (daughter is 4 and was taken out of school to go). She claims she cannot afford to pay for school because my BF doesnt care enough to send them more than court appointed support and that this is not enough money (still she has been able to afford a ten day vacation for herself to paris and a five day vacation to costa rica for she and her daughter in five months).
Needless to say I am just sick to death of her bullsh*t. But I guess what I am looking for here, is advise about seeking custody. Obviously BF wants permanent custody - but THIS battle is for a temporary adjustment to the current custody order. Are there folks out there who have been through something like this? Are there red flags to watch out for? Do's and don'ts?
And how do we need to present ourselves if dyfs IS brought into our lives?
UGH!!!!!!!