By now some of you know a little bit about my dynamic home life but I wanted to share a little background that is prelude to the above title.
2 years ago DH's sons came to live with us and at first he was really happy. It has been a long hard road as the SS's are mentally unbalanced due to the things the BM has done and said to them. We have been in counseling the enitre time with the SS's so they can work through their anger at the BM and the hurt. SS9 is a very angry destructive little boy and I am the only woman he responds to in a positive way (if you could call it positive). He is diagnosed ODD with Conduct Disorder and is a handfull on his best days. On his worst, well you can just imagine. He is also a champion worrier, which does not help his attitude.
SS8 is a very selfish, self-centered little boy who believes he has the right to treat everyone him as if he were the king and they the hired help. If SS8 doesn't get his way, he will go to school and make up stories of abuse. DHS has been here so many times, they just call and ask if I need help now. I have called the police numerous times on these boys for a variety of different things, mostly as a scare tactic.
Enter 9 month bio-son from DH and I and you have an explosion waiting to happen every minute of the day. The SS's know, however, that if they would like ot live to see their next birthday, they had better not hurt the baby. Usually that is not a problem. They do love their lil bro but sometimes they get jealous when daddy is home because, much to my dismay, he favors 9 month old. Spending a majority of the time with him and only paying any attention to SS8 and SS9 if he thinks they need punishment.
I asked him why he treated his own sons like that and he said he would rather it be just 9 month old, him and I because the boys take too much work. "Excuse me?" I say, "Your gone a week at a time and you don't have to deal with half the crap I do, they are your sons and you want ot give them up? Not going to happen. The SS's may be a pain at times, but it is because of what they went through at the hands of demented twisted mind." I would never willingly send them back into that hell no matter what they do. I have too many options to do that. I could send them to inpatient care for children, for starters. Yo cannot undo 6 years of abuse in 2 years, especially until just recently, they were still seeing the problem bi-weekly.(That is a whole nother story.) So what would you do? Give in and send them back or stand your ground and only lose them if things went sour in your marriage? But since I live in Oklahoma, and have been in the SS's life for over a year constantly, I could still file for visitation and get it.