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Last-Wife's picture

Loghead went over to his brother's early this morning, and had a breakfast chat with Princess. They are back home now. She came to me and apologized for last night. she said she didn't mean any of it, and doesn't even know what caused her tantrum. Totally different person today. She acknowledged she needs to get Loca Grande out of her life, but doesn't know how.

They want to sweep it under the rug. I admit. I hold grudges, but this tantrum last night was so totally like another person that I can't really hold it against her...

I hope she gets the help that she needs, but she says the more we say that, the crazier it makes her feel, and she says she hates feeling like she is turning into her mother, that she just retreats more...

She's packing up to go back to school now. Loghead is going to let her have her car back because she has 2 interviews this week, off campus, and has an orthodontist appointment later in the week. He is insisting she come home next weekend to continue to work through some things, and create a financial plan and an outline for her summer.

Stunned still, but not surprised. how many times can her mother hurt her and she keep going back? how many times can Princess show us she has a lot of her mother's biological tendencies before Loghead does something about it?

My heart aches for her...

Comments

Eyes Wide Open's picture

Isn't it funny how this works? SD's can show their tail, call you everything in the book, even get physcial about it, and then the next day her and DH "talk" and all is well. I don't care what kind of crazy she is, she can't function in the real world treating everyone like she treats you and DH. Sorry, this would be the beginning of disengagement if I were you. Let DH and BM figure this mess out while you sit in the next room with a snazzy drink with an umbrella in it listening to your favorite music.

Personally, I refuse to let DH and his mess suck me into their box of fruit loops.

Last-Wife's picture

it wasn't that kind of "talk." Yeah, I know sometimes our DHs say one thing to us, and then another thing to their kids, but this wasn't one of those times. They sat down and made some real headway and plans for some things.

Last-Wife's picture

I also think at this point, disengaging from her over this is the worst possible thing. Yes we've had distance before and i've disengaged from her for some stupid stunts she's pulled. But this is serious. She has a mental disorder and she is slowly starting to realize it to. (her BM is bipolar) It's scaring the hell out of her to think she might be like her mother. I have raised Princess from the time she was 5. She'll be 19 in 2 days. I've lived with her more than her own mother ever did. She is my child. How can I turn my back on her now, when she needs me most?

It might not be easy, and it might hurt a bit too, but this is not the bridge I want to toss her over...

Jsmom's picture

You can't turn your back on her. But, you do need to ensure she gets help. It is probably Bi-polar, since it is so heridatary. My MIL has it and I suspect that SD14 does as well. Their "episodes" are so scary you know their has to be something seriously wrong. My SD, everyone ignores it and we no longer have a relationship with her. But, you have this young girl and she wants help. I would try and keep BM away and get her some help and probably some meds. How are her grades right now?

Last-Wife's picture

WE're doing our best to keep her BM away, but with her off at college, that's a little tricky. With FERPA, she's legally old enough that she doesn't have to show us her grades. However, my dad created a plan with her last week when she visited them, that he would pay her for her grades- each month as long as everything is a C or higher, she gets $50. If it's all As and Bs, she can negotiate a higher price. That's a motivator.