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I win craziest BM interaction of the day... And I grew a spine.

Last-Wife's picture

Loca Grande (BM) wants to take skids to Costa Rica next December for Christmas. She keeps leaving me messages for me to talk to Loghead (DH) about it. I've ignored her, but she has sent nearly 10 messages in the last 4 days. So I text her this morning and tell her I don't have the right to give an okay for her to take the skids out of the country, she has to talk to Loghead.

She texts back that she doesn't NEED our permission, and to avoid trouble with Loghead she and her husband, Gullible, have decided to take kids to Virgin Islands. (Which BTW, she couldn't even spell- I guess if you lost it to young, you never learn to spell it. LOL) She goes on to write the Princess will be in college soon and moving out so she can do what she wants. She says she will follow the court order, but doesn't need permission.

I text back that it sounds like fun, but out of respect, she needs to talk to Loghead because she is asking for our holiday time. She only gets kids December 23, 24, 25 in even number years, and she wants them DEcember 22- Jan.1. I text that it isn't about permission, but its about respect; we wouldn't take kids anywhere without talking to her first...

Loca Grande texts back that she doesn't have to respect Loghead anymore because she "devorced" him. She says I don't know the meaning of respect and should look it up. "i did it meas honer." "i devorced him so i don hav 2 honer him." Uh, I think she means "honor..." She goes on to say they're her kids and she can do what she wants.

I'm working and don't see this till later. I guess she gets mad cause I don't respond and she texts back about how we always make things so hard. She texts that she is so glad Princess graduates soon and she can make her own decisions. She says she knows PITA won't go since he will have basketball and he is "aloud" to make his own decisions and never sees her any more and she doesn't want him to go. She only wants to know if Lazy Boye can go. SHe goes on to write that she cannot wait till they are all moved out so we don't have control in her life anymore- that she wont ever have to see or talk to Loghead again. She says that will "truely" make her feel "devorced" after 14 years and she plans to have a huge celebration that day...

There was more, but it got really nasty, so I've edited...

When I read these crazy texts, I literally had to type them out and decipher the spelling. (Teacher in me, and for documentation too). I was seething. I typed out that she was a bitch and I was done, but I did not send it. I wasn't stooping to her level or engaging her any more.

I sent a text to Gullible, her husband. He and I have a decent working relationship and he seems to understand her craziness and deals with it. I text him and tell him she has sent two hateful texts while I was trying to help her. (I had told Loghead the other night to tell her yes. Let her make those big promises to kids, just so she can back out in the end... I'll eat my shoe if she follows through...) I texted it wasn't too much for her to talk to Loghead about it and be nice. I texted him and told him to tell her not to contact me again, and I would send him an email with info.

I email Gullible and tell him I have put up with too much and I was done with her. Her texts crossed the line and were mean and hateful. I told him I was trying to help and she responded rudely... I told him I had put up with MANY things over the years, but this was the last straw. I told him it was shitty to plan a big trip, knowing PITA wouldn't be able to go because of basketball. I remind him odd numbered years are only December 23-25, and she is asking for our holiday time. That it wouldn't kill her to ASK Loghead and really talk to him about her wishes.

I write to Gullible that I am done. I am putting it all in Loghead's hands now. Anything she wants regarding the skids, she needs to talk to Loghead. I tell Gullible to delete my number from her phone and that if she contacts me again, I will change my number. I remind him the skids are minors and that even though Princess turns 18 next month we still pay to feed and clothe her and as long as that continues, 2 adults need to communicate the skids schedules and visitation needs. But not me, I wash my hands of her. She will have to learn to communicate with Loghead. I apologize to Gullible for the pressure I know that will put on him...

I send it to Gullible, and a copy to myself and Loghead.

Loghead says he's pretty impressed and she can't see the kids she runs it past him first...

When I get home tonight, I pull Lazy Boye and Princess aside and tell them basics- they can't use my phone any more to call their mother. I tell them she sent 2 hateful texts and I was cutting communication with her. They wanted to know what about but I told them it was grown up stuff and had nothing to do with them... I'm sure she'll tell them, but that's her choice. I know they know she's crazy and a crappy mom, but I wasn't going to tell them...

Please think good thoughts for me, and wish me luck in this... I know it's what I need to do...

Comments

unbelieveable's picture

You did a good job ; ) I pull BMs boyfriend aside sometimes and we talk about how he is dealing with things out there (since she does not discipline) and I talk to him about how to work things out...It makes me feel good he and I get along very well.

I think you handled this very nicely. Good job ; ) Again...BM's seem to just think they can do what they want? Even ignore court documents? hahah!

Last-Wife's picture

And please don't lambast me for being the one to communicate with her. I've been doing it for over 12 years. I did it for the skids. I knew she was crazy, but I also understood they needed some interaction with her. Loghead was still so bitter over the nasty custody battle, he couldn't deal with her. I was an outside party that could balance things out. I'm also OCD enough that I had to have my hands in to make sure I got what I wanted and needed. If I needed a weekend without skids, I made it seem like a big deal that if she wanted "extra time" she could have it... not ever knowing she was helping me. If she'd have ever figured that out, she'd never have taken her kids, but in her mind it was all about time and what extra she could get.... Not that she ever took a court appointed WEdnesday visit. (Only 43 of them in 13 years time!)

Yes, I have talked to her on the phone, and texted and emailed. And I'm OCD enough, with the memory of an elephant, that I have documented nearly every damn word she has said to me in 12 years...

Seriously, I have 3 ring binders full, one for each year, from 1998 to now... Loghead's lawyer always offers me a job when we have to go in for custody meetings, and tells Loghead he should never piss me off because I would have enough documentation to get everything...

ROTFLMAO

"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."

Silver's picture

Three cheers for you. Biggrin I think it's great what you did. Hopefully she'll no longer speak to you.

"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown

Adminpleasedeleteme's picture

Yes! Great Job! I hope someday I will be able to do the same! My skids are too young and I know that BM would drag them into the middle of it all and they would not understand. So I will have to wait in the shadows. Wink

~Stepmoms do mom things, not becuase they have to, like biological mothers do, but because they want to, that is the difference~ Biggrin

Adminpleasedeleteme's picture

Smile I've decided to remove myself from this site Thanks for all of your advice! Smile