One resource that a lot of parents forget about is the school's assessment program. My BD9 is in 4th grade and has Autism/Asperger's, and she gets speech therapy (although her actual speech is perfect, she gets the therapy to teacher her how to talk to others). Ask the school if they will perform an assessment / IEP because her poor social functioning is affecting her performance at school (even if she has straight A's, you can still talk about her depression because if it is clinically significant, they have to treat it). You may also want to find out if the problem is kids at school that are clique-y and mean. It may be worth moving her to a new school where she can find new kids to spend time with. At this age, trying to force her to hang out with kids her age will backfire. It sounds funny, but finding a good LCSW that your insurance will pay for can help her a lot, even if she is reluctant to go at first. If you have an employee assistance program through work, they may also pay for a few sessions as well or at least help you come up with some new ideas. She will likely buck anything you try to do for her at first, but in the long run, it is about her being happy whether she has 1 or 2 good friends or is the most popular girl at school. Good luck, and congrats on being a caring step-mom!

Girl, be very careful in this situation. Make sure all of the communication is coming from her father. You don't want BM accusing you of attacking, or "emotionally abusing" her precious spawn.

In my case, my SS in 4th grade has been socially akward, withdrawn, and I saw many signs that he was possibly on the spectrum. This year, he started failing all if his math tests and assignments. Getting a diagnosis for him was opening a can of worms, and not helpful at all. BM is a hippy, and refuses any treatment (social therapy, accommodations at school, etc) and everything has shifted from being his fathers fault to mine. On top of it, SS has only gotten worse, and the poor guy is a mess. I feel so bad for him when he is crying that he has failed another test, or when he tells me he has no friends. But I have no educational rights over him, his father doesnt want to fight with BM, so there is nothing i can do :(. She has threatened getting a lawyer, because I am emotionally abusing him! ( a little background, I am his primary caretaker, as well as a specialist in the special education field!)

Do what you can do to help at your home, but it may not be reciprocated. Her father can send written notice to school to have her evaluated by the school psychologist, and the school by law, and pursuant of section 504 of the rehabilitation act, must comply within 30 days. Maybe she just needs a friend who she can relate to :)!

Sorry to hear. You're lucky to have consistency. Try talking to the school, esp the counselor. Most schools have a mentoring program, where a teacher can be her "mentor" and plug in during the day to see what's going on. From there, social interactions can be encouraged!

If she's musical, have you considered letting her take some sort of musical classes as an extra curricular?

Some kiddies just prefer to be alone! But it's def worth looking in to! She's lucky that you care :)!