Welcome!! You made me GASP!! I too, do not like the tone of this woman! She sounds like my ex's wife to some extent. "You can provide for me.. but don't ask me to provide for you". Here's a short story (sorry I'm always a long winded blogger!!) BioMom (my husband's ex) met a new boyfriend. New boyfriend of course always takes BioMom out. Well, one night, he's moving (he lost his house in his divorce) and asked BM to pick up some Chinese food on his moving day. He said he'll pay her back for it when she gets to his house. BM does this, but then complains and gets in an argument with new boyfriend because (1) he asked her to pick something up and PAY for it!! Oh no!! and (2) when she showed up, he was moving a couch with a buddy and he did not drop everything to come over and say hello to her and help her take the chinese in the kitchen. The reason I know this story is because BM was upset about this guy and was venting to my husband (her Ex!!). He told her to give the guy a break... and that she was being unreasonable. Does this behavior sound familiar???

You seem like a very nice guy and I have to say that the 2 things that she argued about with you are trivial. I think for her it is about control. She may be fearing that she'll lose her own "space" and the ability to run her own household if you move in. She may be fearing the commitment - because it is even more real when you live together. Combining households, paying bills together, etc - that's SCARY business!! But SERIOUSLY COME ON.... I was single for a long time so I can understand the fear of moving in together. But she's picking the wrong battles. They are little battles though, which is what is making me wonder if it's fear. HOWEVER YOU ARE RIGHT. You should not have to ask to eat Peeps! Please!! It irritates me just to think about it!! What about SHARING?

The bigger issue that I see is the re-planning of the vacation without your knowledge. That's really unfair and not cool at all. You took days off of work. I can see if she came to you and expressed the concern about grandma, but then you, sounding like the guy you are, may have backed out, without her re-planning it without you. If it happened to me, I'd have been PISSED. It's a very inconsiderate thing to do to say the least. Would she have been understanding if you did the same thing back to her?? Also, where is grandma hearing the negative? From your girlfriend. So, again, not a cool thing for her to do.

I don't doubt that you are having second thoughts. The only thing I can suggest in this case is to look really hard back at the last 12 months with realistic and open eyes. And be honest with yourself. HAS HER BEHAVIOR ALWAYS been this way, but you just didn't notice as much because you had your own space? (Really think about this one!!) Or is her behavior changing because you want to take the next step? If she's always been that way - please don't move in with her. You shouldn't be a meal ticket and handyman for someone that doesn't appreciate it (My DH says that his ex always wanted his paycheck, not him ) If her behavior is changing because you want to take the next step, I'd suggest some serious communication between you two. Possibly even counseling - for just a session or two to help her understand. You don't have to be married to see a counselor. My DH and I went for 1 session about an issue we were struggling over very early in our relationship when we were dating. It helped us immensely. It was a small issue and it turned out to be the way we were communicating!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!! Welcome!

I'm going to be blunt to me like you were with me (and I appreciate) smell the bacon cooking..this woman sounds very selfish and not willing to compromise with you.

You sound like an AWESOME guy..I would seriously reconsider staying with this woman (from what you've said)

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

I'm having a hard time figuring out what her role is... sounds like she's so used to being a mommy to her two boys that you have sadly tumbled into her mommyland. It seems there are underlying issues in regard to the peeps debacle. Mothers of boys are a different kind of woman. I'll probably catch some heat for this from the other moms but mothers of boys can be domineering,strict, and controlling. Most of the time boys are really tough as children and teens so these moms feel they have to be extra rigid with them in order to get respect in the home. Now it could be that your BF/GF honeymoon is over (you are hitting the year mark afterall) and her true colors are coming out OR she doesn't like the scary idea of moving in together. You should just ask her. Make sure she understands that you are NOT to be treated like one of her boys and that you deserve to be respected as an adult without all the ridiculous nit-picky junk surrounding it. Word to the wise though, you seem like a tolerant man but why not spend time with a woman who doesn't want to mother you...unless you're into that sort of thing }:)

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

Love the name, kudos to the godson.

I'm just going to throw this out there because I try to be proactive in my approach to conflict.

Moving in with someone who is adept to living on her own and supporting her children can be tough. She is probably over critical only because she is struggling with the change to her once perfectly balanced world.

Sure she is overreacting, but I think this is not any sign that she is not absolutely head over heels in love with you.

Let me tell ya, I know this because I sounded just like your little snatch of a girlfriend when my husband moved in to my home.

Give her a little time to get used to you but don't accept being talked to like a moron. "Settle down" is my husband's favorite response when I start harping in on him. I think your comedic approach to her ridiculousness is your biggest ally... I think it's how my husband copes and deals with me best.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

When my husband and I first contemplated moving in together before we were married, I wanted him to move into my apartment only because I loved it and it was in a great location. He however insisted that we find a new apartment so that we could avoid the his / her territory issue. In retrospect I realized he was right. If he had moved into my apartment I think I would have still felt like it was "my" place and I'm sure this would have made him feel uneasy. I don't know if finding a new place for all of you is an option?

I agree with the others that she may be reacting to the stress of the new living arrangements and hopefully she will relax once she's more comfortable. By the same token I don't believe you should have to ask her permission to scratch your butt just because it's her place. My advice would be to be honest with her and explain to her how uneasy and awkward this makes you feel (girls like it when you share your feelings with them). And to be fair to you, I think she way overreacted to the peeps and bucket issues...I don't know, maybe she thinks the bucket is ugly? (I know, I know...you think it's practical though, right?) I think the perfect solution there is to decorate the bucket with the peeps