I have recently told my SO that I love her, I love her two boys but I am also happy that she has asked for space because that gives me the freedom to not have the responsibility that is 'THEM' first and foremost in my thoughts. She was a bit taken back. I wrote for her a long email that outlined our issues and it was divided between her issues with me, and my issues with her. We have discussed these on certain levels and I have decided that whenever we reach a crossroads that I will circle the issue, and save it for a councilor that I hope to soon be able to afford. She is slowly seeing things from my point of view and I am having my eyes pried open to her side of the story. The effort is there and I hope to soon get a professional that can iron out our little differences. Coming up on our one year 'dating' anniversary I have concluded that professional therapy would be the opposite of romantic so my money will be spent on making this lady EXTREMELY happy for at least one night. (although she only asks for Willies burrito's and a movie) I want her to get all dolled up and have a good time, she wants ME for a good time, but she is just saying that. (she loves me and means it)

This past weekend was a dream, movie night with just the boys. (she came and knocked but JUST not loud enough) The important part is that she wanted to be part of movie night at my place!! We all apologized for not hearing her and I have to admit, the Bose WAS up loud, but we reinforced the fact we wished she was there. Amazing, totally off the wall gratifying, gratifying (sex), and in the end, when I knew I would not see her again for a couple of days because of my schedule I told her, 'I do NOT like what has happened to our family and our home. I am willing to make some drastic changes if I see the same from her, an effort.', she smiled and said 'it wasn't broken in a day and cannot be repaired in a day'. Hey, you know what, I wanted so badly to say, 'Thank you, that is the first proactive thing I have heard you say yet!', but I said instead, 'You're right babe'.

She is dropping the boys off in Athens at a friends to spend a week or more and I have her all to myself for the next ten days at least. I go on staycation (blah) as of Thursday. (read past posts to see why staycation is blah) I, ha ha, plan on going gold prospecting in the north GA mountains, a new hobby of mine. I hope she would like to come. BTW, I LOVE gold, I do not wear it but I respect its history and also think a family beside a river, dog in water and boys running around is a good environment for us all, hence the draw for me.

I am going to close this post with hopeful thoughts to all those that toil and suffer as Step-whatever and hope that my lesson is one that you also learn. Behavior, although you may see it as OK, or redeemable, can sink you. The 'mirror check' is a good starting point. Ask your SO, whomever that may be, what your faults are, listen carefully, and apply humility where needed. I am not perfect, I deem that few are, however when I TRULY see the world through my SO eyes, my perceptions change. I have learned a valuable lesson that has changed my stagnant view of the cosmos and I embrace change in a healthy way.

Also, for those here in ATL or surrounding areas, I have major ideas as i belong to several groups that get out, not as Steps, but we have had some pretty frugal, expensive, small time, and larger than life events here in the Greater Atlanta Area!! You all will be the fore bearers of an amazing group and I would like to help organize, plan and put in action a group of support for us that truly need it.

As always,

Kevin The Man