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Wow, understanding the desire to murder the skids now...

Kattkatt's picture

Xmas this year has been hellish. DH lost his job right around thanksgiving, and got a temp job a couple weeks later that ended on xmas eve. We have the skids this year, and BM has been a giant shit(not really a shock, why should she suddenly be nice just because it's christmas?!). Now xmas is hard on kids, and the skids are young, 6&8, and BM told us she was "not doing xmas at ALL" with the kids because they would be with us. So no pressure, but if we don't make it a good xmas that's all the kids get. Then there was the Nintendo DS bullshit, she told DH not to get skid8 one, then told him to get it, then don't get it, then he would be braking a promise and ruining xmas if he didn't get it, WTF. Then DH ordered one on amazon, and she told him HER FIANCE GOT IT already, and DH had to return it. Then she told him to buy skid 8 games for said DS, but when he picked the kids up SHE FORBADE HIM FROM TAKING THE DS WITH HIM FOR THE WEEK. So. Ugh.
Anyway, DH has been broke for a month, so I bought xmas shit for everyone. I am so broke i have been in tears, but the skids had an embarrassment of toys from me, their grandparents and their aunts and uncles. Seriously, embarrassing. Their little eyeballs glazed over, they shredded presents until there were none left, and they asked for more. Rudely. Then they had little greed-fueled temper tantrums and acted like shits. OMG. They are usually pretty good, but this is just absurd. Skid6 has repeatedly screamed that he hates christmas, he hates us, he wants "his life back" and he "doesn't care if we throw away all is toys". Skid8 is better, but kind of passive aggressive, and i swear to god that some of the shit they have said in the last 48 hours has fallen straight out of BMs mouth. Today we had a screaming meltdown because we wanted to take them sledding, but skid6 said their mom would not let them sled without snowpants, and that was a good point, actually so we decided not to sled, to avoid a huge blowup with BM. Then skid 6 started screaming that we lied to him (about sledding? Which he didn't want to do, which is why he was arguing that BM would not allow them to sled without snowpants). Then skid8 chimes in that "dad always lies" because one time he wanted to go to rollerpark and rollerskate but Dad said no, because he was too fucking broke. I explained (really patiently and in a level and calm voice! I do try to be good) that there is a big difference between "not getting what you want" and a grownup "lying" and that just because a kid asks for something and an adult considers it it is not the same as a broken promise or a lie. Not sure that that bit penetrated because the skids only listen when it suits them, but I tried.
I am never doing a big xmas thing again. Next year one gift each, from me & DH no santa crap, that's it. I am going to ask his aunts and uncles to reign it in, too. The kids have no idea what they even got, but they are ungrateful and selfish, and there was way too much crap. Right now i have abandoned DH with the kids because i cannot listen to them whine and scream and be nasty anymore. i have been calm and cool and gracious for 48 hours and I am done, if i had to sit next to Skid6 through another fucking tantrum right now i would say something i regretted, and it would go straight to BMs ears, because skid8 is the biggest tattletale i have ever met. I am looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I love the kids, but they have been in rare form these last few days. Wow. So angry I am shaking. Then BM called and skid8 tattled on us because of the snowpants meltdown, so BM yelled at DH because why? We didn't go out without the fucking snowpants, but she was angry that we had "blamed her" for it- which we did not do. I want the skids to leave me house now. We have them for several more days. I might move upstairs to the back apartment.

Comments

Lalena75's picture

Stop giving to flips what BM says. Is she in charge of your house? Tell her take a long walk let your DH buy his kids what HE wants them to have not what BM wants him to pay for, you both just got snowballed by BM and for what?

Kattkatt's picture

I don't particularly care what bm thinks, but I care when she verbally abuses DH and the kids act like little shits who parrot lies she has said before. I am more upset with how DH jumps to do everything the skids ask the second they ask, even when they are rude little jerks.
Lol. This has been a stressful day.

PetStr's picture

^^^^This^^^^ Biobitch BM used to do that to us. 2 yrs ago, after she bought the Hellspawn the same exact gifts she had told DH to get them, we quit consulting with her and got them what we knew they wanted and the kids like our gifts better. Screw BM. You get them what you want to

twoviewpoints's picture

Whoa...slow down there. Time to reclaim control of your home. Start with getting BM the heck out of your house. BM calls to b*tch? *click*, no more BM on the phone. Gifts for the kids? Nope, you will no longer buy or try to buy what BM demands you do or don't buy.

Repeat after me...BM does not live in my home. BM does not control what happens in my home. BM does not control what activities Dad does or doesn't do with his children...nope, BM's power trip is coming to an end. Now.

Then your DH is going to sit these two kids down and have a long 'listen up kiddos, the sh*t stops now' speech. Here are the house rules and expectations of behavior and responsibilities I (Dad) and KattKatt have in our home blah blah blah. Whiners can sit in their bedrooms. Ungrateful brats can lose their toys for the day blah blah. Mom and I (Dad) have two different homes and perhaps two different ways of running our individual homes. Sometimes Mom will do some things differently than how we do them in this house. And that's ok, but here, this is how we do things (make it clear that whining and tattling to BM isn't going to change how DH and you do things in your home).

You and DH sit down first and figure it all out, then DH set the boundaries with BM and you two or just Dad (however) sit the kiddos down. Kids don't control homes. BM's don't control Dad's home. And most important, Dad learns how to parent his unruly brats and shuts down their little 'tudes. Yep, kids might be shocked and angry but this crap stops NOW.

Kattkatt's picture

We don't let BM dictate our lives! Lol! Sorry if I gave that impression. She is a wretched bitch, and we try to avoid things that will absolutely cause blow-ups, and sometimes the kids blab things to her that incite blow-ups. If we took the kids out sledding without approved gear, she would blow up. If we ran out and spent $60 on snowpants and boots she would blow up about where we got the money, and we just don't have the money right now. Sledding would get us like 30 minutes of entertainment, tops, and cost $60 in snow gear they might not even get to use again (they won't have a week here again for months, by then snow will be gone). We could suit up the kids with double layers, the first thing they would say to her is they went sledding without snowsuits. Because they are tattletales! They like the drama!

Disneyfan's picture

Yeah, BM is dictating what goes on in your home.

They could have gone sledding without snow pants. Sure mom would have been upset,but so what. She flips out on your husband because he allows her to.

misSTEP's picture

I think what some of the posters are trying to say is that you should go Low or No Contact parenting route. Your DH needs to start doing all communication with BM by email/text only AND only about the skids.

How does he do that when he can't force BM to do what he wants? Easy. If the phone rings and it is BM, don't answer. Let it go to voicemail. If it is something important, believe me, she WILL leave a message.

When she starts blowing up his phone with texts, the phone gets shut off. When it is convenient for HIM, he can respond to BM. But ONLY to anything pertaining the children. Not temper tantrums or attempts to control your household.

It will be a pain for a while. She will get worse but then taper off. The worst form of torture for these types is when they lose control and cannot get a reaction or get attention (positive OR negative) from your DH.

Trying to "not make waves" only emboldens a bully like your BM.

Kattkatt's picture

Lots of shit is controlling. Right now the kids are little monsters, and I have been stepping back to avoid getting into it with them. It's hard to make DH "be the bad guy" but he needs to start saying "no" and sticking to it. Right now the kids whine and whine and melt down and throw hissy fits. It's repulsive. If it were up to me, on a day full of meltdowns we would all sit at home with a technology ban and nothing but some crayons and paper. Can't spank them- literally, legally cannot, they were adopted and a very strict no physical discipline rule was in the adoption papers. Kind of a shame, because i really think they could use a spanking!