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At what point do you blame the kid for her OWN shitty behavior?

katielee's picture

Submitted by katielee on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 10:17am

I see so much blame being (rightfully) placed on shitty parenting, but at what point is the kid responsible for her own actions? I know when I was 13 (the age my SD is soon to be) I totally knew right from wrong. I also know my SD12 knows right from wrong. I actually overheard her tell her mom on the phone that doing the right thing is "no fun."

So at what point is it HER fault?

Comments

katielee's picture

Submitted by katielee on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 11:00am

The last time SD caused a bunch of drama around here by telling lies to her BM, my husband actually said to me, "She's just a kid." I asked him what excuse he was going to use when she's 32 and still behaving in the same way? I told him if she's just a kid, it is HIS job to make sure there are consequences for her bad behavior. Hold HER accountable.

katielee's picture

Submitted by katielee on Mon, 07/28/2014 - 10:39am

I kinda based that comment on the fact that her BM thinks JUST LIKE my 12 year old stepdaughter and her behavior is not much different.

Newstep's picture

Submitted by Newstep on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 11:32am

I think when you are raised right you know right from wrong. When you are raised to be a spoiled brat who thinks the world revolves around you knowing right from wrong isn't so cut and dry.

My SD is a perfect example of it I truly don't think she has the capacity to really grasp right and wrong. All she cares about is what is going to best suit her. She is just like her mother. Except her mother has diagnosed mental issues. SD has never been diagnosed.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 12:51pm

I think a lot of teens know what they're doing, but still continue to make bad choices anyway. A lot of people on this site have admitted they were nightmares as teens, or at the very least, not easy to live with.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 11:09pm

I don't know, I just can't agree with that last statement.

My kids have been raised pretty well (I think LOL) they are not perfect but (talking just the younger two not the grown up two) at ages 11 and 8 they know HOW they are expected to behave, they know what is right and wrong and can discuss behaviour and expectations and consequences quite maturely - ie they see someone behave badly and they can comment on what was inappropriate about the behaviour and that the person (child) should know better, should have consequences for what they did wrong. Even their own behaviour most of the time. WE can discuss what they do wrong and they can admit - yes that was wrong/rude/mean - whatever not thinking specific examples - and they can agree and understand why they get consequences.

So, my kids KNOW right from wrong if you like, sometimes they make bad choices and do the wrong thing - I don't think THAT is a fault of the parents - THAT is kids being kids.

Kids who have parents who have never taught them right from wrong - and they do "wrong" - then THAT would be the fault of the parents?

LOL - really just typing the thoughts as I am thinking so I hope that makes sense!!

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 11:10pm

Thinking more; I guess say that bad behaviour in minor children is the responsibility of the parents - but not necessarily the fault?

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Mon, 07/28/2014 - 11:59am

Age of reason is between ages 7-9? Where on earth did you get that information?

Rationality and morality are gradually developed from childhood through adolescence. Some people never really develop much ability to think or understand morality, but whether it is a lack of interest or ability is unknown.

There is defintely a social influence (like 100 years ago, when our society was considerably less wealthy, people grew up faster). But 'age of reason'??? Are you talking about Piaget's concrete operational stage of development, when kids start being able to use logic to reason inductively?

Your point about minor children being the legal responsibility of a parent is something I wonder about. Those parents that adopt kids under false pretenses, the kid has HUGE issues and cannot be helped, but the parent is held legally responsible? Or even parents that are otherwise normal people but have a kid with serious problems....