Our BM used to try that same tactic. She would call DH and tell him I overstepped, or that he needed to remind me that those weren't her kids blah blah.

She stopped only when she called one day, and I was present for the phone call. From the background she heard me tell DH:

"For fucks sake did she lose her binky again and needs to whine? I have some moldy cheese in the fridge you can give her to go with that whine!"

Click.

So why is Dh entertaining BM by listening to and/or responding to the tattling BS to start with? This game will get old if BM doesn't get the attention she's seeking out of it. She's stirring the pot because he's allowing her to.

I would think that if you were actually doing/saying something DH wasn't aware of, the last person DH would take a 'report' from would be BM. Yeah, like she's your best friend privy to all your deepest secrets :O

BM2 did this once (that I know of) and DH made the mistake of letting me listen to the message she left him about how I needed to consider SS (10 at the time) feelings more and that he was crying, because we got a Christmas tree without him (somehow MY fault???) and that I was doing more with SD and it was hurting SS fee fees... blah blah, bitch, bitch, lie, lie.

I don't play that passive agressive crap and with DH permission, I called that skank ass up and let her have it. That was the beginning of the end of any chance of a decent relationship between me and BM (and trust me, I had tried.)