So, DH read step talk last night.
He has known for years I post on here and that this is my venting point regarding the skids so I am not spewing at him (For that he said to tell all of you TYVM). In all honesty, I thought from time to time he came on here and read the posts, if nothing else to see what I was spewing about so he could either avoid the topic entirely or fix it before I killed him/a kid.
Apparently not, He was amazed to find out there were other ‘bad mothers’ out there. He seemed to be of the opinion that his kids were ‘special’ and should be handled delicately as it is ‘not fair’ to them that their mother sucks, when every other kid in the world has a wonderful loving mother. :sick:
He could see his kids behaviors in some of the skid stories posted by others, could see that his kids have come a LONG way in the past two years. And he also saw that his kids by no means are the WORST out there. He was amazed to read the stories of others getting screwed by CS. He read the article on GUBMs by Shrinkformen and book marked it on his computer. He is utterly convinced they used BM as the case study for that article.
It all started when I handed him the print out of the post yesterday. He then went to the website, pulled it up and read for a good three hours on and off last night. He is off today so I imagine there is plenty of reading going on. At first he was pissed that I would put stuff the skids did on there (skid#3 getting suspended, skid#2 getting physical at school and suspended, Skid#4 knocking up his girlfriend.. and yeah ALL of skid#1s behavior) then he noticed that I also posted POSITIVE things about his little ducklings too.
He still had an issue that the negative outweighed the positive on my blog. Dead pan staring at him got him to come to two conclusions and adjusting his own attitude: 1) if the negatives outweigh the positives it is his JOB to fix that. 2) People don’t VENT about positive things that happen in life. This is a VENTING website. He was also a bit miffed that I have called him an a$$hole a few times and a few other choice names. Um, dude, you created the situation, the title at the time fit like a well-made shoe… lace that bi+ch up and wear it.
But as a result of his reading last night: he is rescinding his offer to take the kids to the prison 3 times a year. The children do not want to go (due to the length of the drive, the fact it is PRISON and they will lose hours at work to go). He is no longer feeling any face to face visitation is in the kids best interests, however he will agree to BM being allowed to call and talk to the kids, on her dime with a calling card (NOT collect). By the time BM gets out, all kids will be 18 and be able to make their own decisions regarding seeing her.
(PS: DH IF you are reading this. Figure out who didn’t do their effing dishes last night and left them piled in the sink and DEAL with the situation before I get home. Leaving me to deal with it when I get home will reap results that neither you nor the kids will like.)
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Comments
I love the note at the end!!
I love the note at the end!! LOL
I hope your DH can take some of the things that are on this site and learn to be a more supportive husband. Being a SM is 100X harder than being a bio mom. We need help and support and understanding from out points of view as well. Don't ever let the kids or BM's divide you!
Being a SM is even tougher
Being a SM is even tougher than being a SF, too, from what I hear.
my DH is beginning to listen
my DH is beginning to listen to me on things you all suggest and he is glad I have a place to vent.
Love this post! Thank you for
Love this post! Thank you for sharing!
Love the end note too! lol
Good for you...Good for him
Good for you...Good for him for taking his balls back from BM....Keep reading all it can do is help the communication so a Stepmom doesn't have to come here to vent....I do, so I don't kill him or the steps...
WOW your DH *really* thought
WOW your DH *really* thought his situation with BM and skids was a one off?!! :jawdrop:
While it IS crappy that the skids mother is a permanent visitor to loonville, that doesn't mean they should get a free pass in life to be coddled and permitted to act crappy. I think its fab that you and finally DH are helping those children to become a much better person than the awful example their mother set.
Unfortunately it can be easy for some women to procreate, but often they are the ones who shouldn't have children. Our BM is case in point. Preggers at 17, cheated on DH while pregnant, refused to give DH parental rights (unfortunately as he had bought a house for his future child he couldn't afford to shell out thousands to fight and force BM to give him rights), BM then consistently stopped access whenever DH did not say yes to her demands, the games were so severe ss saw an educational psychologist, DH was not permitted to marry, travel, buy anything new, renovate the house as he was punished by BM (who by this point had her own DH, her own child with him and several cautions for violence). BM then targetted me and involved her rapist brother to threaten me.
Same story many of us have on here. Sadly for us, DH's hand was forced and he stopped seeing his son because of the damage BM was doing to him and us.
I am glad to hear your DH has decided not to take the children to visit BM, its pathetic that people like her will always take advantage of good will and push it that extra million mile (as her demands prove). I think its also quite telling that your two eldest skids refuse to visit BM, even though they have a choice, I think they KNOW who to blame. Her. Quite rightly so and actually they probably feel a guilty relief that they no longer are placed in precarious positions with BM's games.
^^^second this! Especially:
^^^second this!
Especially: "If you have not already, please take back your parental rights and realize that until a Judge orders YOU to xyz, your focus should be your current wife first, your children second and BM is not even part of that equation. IF your BM harasses you via text or email or telephone calls realize you dont have to answer any of them.
Remember you are divorced and anything that BM demands of you is not relevant. Always be the one to parent your bio children..it's not's your current wife's job. Her job is to support you, not parent for you.
Give yourself permission to have a marriage that is meaningful between you and your wife. Not you, your wife and your ex wife and the children. Unless you and your ex exchanged rings with your current wife on your wedding day. Did you and she missed that part?"
I like that one the most