My steps chose not to attend our wedding. NO WAY could I have felt okay with not giving them the choice to make. They do regret not being there, & even though they made the choice not to attend, they are hurt. Had we not at least made the offer, DH & I would be blaming ourselves...& rightfully so. I'm thankful that I can live the rest of my life with a conscience clear of that. I'm glad to have the inner-peace that comes from knowing I've been as supportive of my husband as I can be.

I can't imagine standing face-to-face with DH, holding his hands in mine & taking vows to love, respect, & cherish him forever knowing that he was harboring ill feelings toward me for trying to shut his children out of our lives, or for sending the message that his blood wasn't good enough for me on OUR day. How hypocritical would that be???

My SDs were a part of our wedding and did great and were happy. Every situation is different so I can only speak of my own.

DH had already taken on the role of father to my DD, so we didn't do special vows with her.

DH's kids were adults who could not attend due to their personal scheduling circumstances. Even if they had been there, I don't think there was a need for them to have been "in" the wedding.

When FDH and I get married, FSD and FSS will be there. I cannot imagine them not being given the opportunity; FDH would end the engagement right then and there. The only problem I can foresee is, if they're not old enough by then, who will watch them during the festivities? If it's our wedding I'm not sure how we would be able to keep an eye on them the whole time.

Can you post the URL for the blog you are referring to?

We included all our kids - although we only said vows to each other. The girls escorted their Dad up the aisle, my eldest walked me up the aisle and two of them did readings. Couldn't imagine how empty the day would have been without all of them.

From our point of view the wedding was just the ceremony and the party - the marriage is what is really important to us and being true to each other also means taking on our families.

Not that it is always easy

I have 3 SKIDS and the 2 oldest were in our wedding. My SD was one of my bridesmaids (she was 14) and my SS was best man (he was 17). The youngest SS was ill behaved all day (he was 5 at the time), come to find out instead of giving him his ADHD meds early that morning (which she always does) she gave them to him right before my husband picked him up. He was lethargic and cranky through the entire event. If I would have seen her that particular day, I would have rung her neck. However, even with that, our wedding was beautiful and I am so glad we had the 2 oldest SKIDS in the wedding. I think it made them feel more like it was for all of us not just my husband and I.

We had a destination wedding too. But we went alone and had strangers stand up as our witnesses. I didn't have any children of my own then and SS was about 10. I had met DH when SS was only 2 and after years of PAS from BM, I was afraid of how BM would react if we tried to include SS in the wedding.

Our way of compensating for this was to include SS in a small wedding reception that we held a few months later. Since we didn't have an official wedding party, we asked SS and my sisters to introduce the special moments at our reception. SS announced us as husband and wife for our first dance together. It worked out nicely for us.

My DHs 2 boys stood by his side as dual best men. My son walked down the isle with me and then took his place next two the other two boys. I only had my Maid of Honor there with me. We did a 'sand ceremony' towards the end as a symbol of 'blending' our family where we each had a different color sand and poured it at the same time into a big glass vase. Only immediate family (parents, and siblings and my husbands two best friends) were present for the outdoor ceremony (which was actually about 25 people) and then we had an awesome reception with a dj and open bar and food and was able to invite the extended family and a few more friends which ended up being about 50 people. I couldn't even imagine not having both of our kids there. I don't think my husband would have married me if it was any other way.

My hubby and I are having our big family celebration wedding next year and SD will be the flower girl, but we got married just the two of us outside the courthouse in front of a big fountain and then went away for a short 3 day mini honeymoon. I loved that it was only us!!! No one's feelings were hurt because we told everyone it was just us because we didn't want to make a big production out of it. That is what the family wedding will be for!!

There was no way in hell my husbands kids were going to be at our wedding. In fact, 30 minutes before the wedding, a couple of friends were in the bedroom with me ......all all the telephones. 15 minutes before the wedding, all phones turned off.

Yes, BM called and told my husband how disappointed the children were not to have attended.

No way were those demons going to be included....nor were they missed.

i didn't read all the posts, but the jist i'm getting is that the OP was getting bashed because she didn't want to spend the bill money to fly her future dh's daughter in for the wedding. the wedding that was planned before the bm moved, taking the daughter with her. so, when the wedding was planned they didn't realize that they would have an additional expense of an airline ticket (which could have been planned for). i do agree that future dh should have planned on picking his daughter up early. that was his fault. but i don't understand why op is getting bashed for not wanting to start their marriage in the hole. the marriage is between these two people. in fact, the whole reason for the marriage is to solidfy that each of them are THE most important people in each others' lives. that is the essence of their marriage vowels. to put no others before them. it doesn't say with the exception of your children, parents, etc... i don't believe you should go into marriage unless you are willing to make your spouse and your marriage your number 1 priority. i'm not saying that there aren't going to be times when spouse and marriage has to take the backseat (in cases of emergency). but to begin your marriage with bills not being paid because of a situation that future dh did not prepare himself for and the disregard of his wife's need for security speaks volumes. i believe it is a red flag for things to come. how many more times will he be willing to risk the marital security for his "wants" for his daughter. it is not a "need" to have his daughter at his wedding it is a want. and i would have a problem with putting our security at risk for wants that are unaffordable.

I have read all of the posts. Several of us has suggested dad drive down a week or a few days before the wedding to pick up his daughter. OP doesn't want him to do that. It was suggested dad see if a family member will make the drive or purchase the tickets. The OP doesn't want him to do that. It was suggested that the bill money used to purchase the ticket be replaced with wedding gift money. The OP won't respond to that. It was suggested the dad drive down to pick her up but use gift money for a one way return ticket for the little girl. The OP won't respond to that. The OP was asked if she loves her future husband. She won't respond to that. It's not about the money, the long drive or the girl missing school. The bottom line is the OP doesn't want the SD there. Did you read her other thread ~ BM is the parent? She wants that little girl out of the picture. Hopefully the dad will open his eyes soon and tell the OP to kick rocks.

WHen DH and I married, it was the 2nd time for both of us. I had already done the huge wedding with the white dress,ridiculous amount of attendants and guests and fountains of alcohol..I wanted this one to be done my way, family and close friends, at my house, DH wanted to go to Vegas. I also wanted my DD12 and DS11 and SD19 involved and thought it would be better at home than taking the kids to Vegas(think having to watch them 24/7, not my idea of a great wedding)

Three weeks before, my mom dies from complications from surgery. My dad insisted we go on with the wedding. My SD, who lived 4 daqys a week with us decided she was pissed at me for "ignoring her" the night my mom died, so did not attend my mother's wake(we came home to her sleeping in my house, said she didn't know where the funeral home was :jawdrop: ...and never showed for the funeral in the morning..needless to say DH told her she could go live with her mother full time(she only stayed with us because her mother didn't want her going to clubs on the weekends and her father didn't pay as much attention as he was working nights...also believed every word she said.."no daddykins, I don't go to bars!!!!!!")

Anyway, my cousin has a shower for me and does not invite her because of what she has done..so, FMIL takes it upon herself to bring her. Again, I let it go.

Wedding day comes and I should have known better, but once again, the bitch tries to make it all about herself. We told everyone 3pm SHARP as it was Christmas Eve and the Judge waqnted to get home to his family(can't blame him, we appreciated the fact he agreed to come at all)3 comes and goes, finally at 3:30, judge asks if we can start..I tell DH I am not waiting for the little bitch and he can agree or he can call the whole thing off but I am not putting up with her dramatic bullshit. He agrees and we start, only to be interrupted my her grand entrance. Judge didn't miss a beat and no one even acknowledged her(except MIL who was told to keep it down..LOL)

Looking back at what she has done all through the years, I now realize that I could have saved myself a lot of aggravation if I had put my foot down then and not let her get away with her bad behavior. If I had to do it over, after blowing off my mother's funeral, I should have banned her from my shower and wedding..it was only a precursor of things to come.

With ALL that being said..LOL..if it was just that fact that her mother was making it difficult, or we had to fly her up, that would not have been a problem, I would have made sure she got here one way or another.