Well, I called my SIL. I wasn't mean of malicious. I explained everything. We talked for over an hour and she said she is not surprised. Got some information about MIL, which I will talk to DH about. Apparently, SD is staying there and BM and hubby are staying in a hotel. They are having dinner with BM and hubby. Nice! None of this info would have gotten to me had I not talked to SIL. Who thanked me multiple times for telling her. She knew her husband and MIL would not tell her this info. She promised me SD will never be alone with the kids. She talked about how much SD is on her phone when she is visiting and they were shocked, but not their kid so they wouldn't parent her. No one parents this kid. She talked about how she knows that SD is only coming to get the shopping trips from MIL.

Anyway, at least she agrees with me that this family we married into is crazy and that she just keeps her head low and has learned how to deal with my MIL. Discussed that and laughed at the things she has done. She said it was nice to hear the other side of the story, because she figured that there had to be more to this than she has heard over the years. I told her everything since the day we met that that kid has done and BM has done to us.

Explained why we have never visited since SD started visiting them. How them encouraging her to come after what she has cost us emotionally and financially was a slap in the face. She needed to know all of this. It was nice to hear her comment that she was not surprised given the stuff she has seen with SD and the crying for attention she did when she was there two years ago.

I feel better and I have taken back some of my power in this mess. Told her I felt for her having to deal with MIL and she said she thinks the reason she can do it, is her memory is shot now from having four kids under the age of 6. Probably right, your memory would have to be bad to continue to take MIL's abuse. She said one day, she will ignore you and the next talk your ear off. So glad they live so far away.

Now for DH to come home and for me to tell him that his family is planning on meeting his ex and her husband so they can meet them. Maybe this will actually get him to tell his mother no!

I appreciate the advice ladies and love that I can come here and get different perspectives, but I still felt I had to call SIL and had to let her know my side, when it was clear no one else would tell her the truth and those are still my niece and nephews. I will sleep better tonight.